Wednesday, February 23, 2005
So much to think about
Marc and I had our appointment with the psychologist last night and it was great. We were able to talk our many of our fears about donor egg, donor embryo (which we have now ruled out) and adoption. I felt so pressured to make a decision (by myself) that I didn't realize that I haven't given myself (and Marc hasn't given himself) time to grieve. I'm not 100% comfortable with the idea of grieving for a dream. It's not something I've ever really done. The doctor said that we need to give ourselves time and not rush into anything and we agree with her. I'm glad that Marc liked her and felt very comfortable talking to her. I spent a lot of time listening last night. I spent a lot of time feeling validated. My fears, my anger, my pain are ok. Not that I thought that they weren't ok - it's just nice to have someone tell you that they are. Well, we are closing in on cruise time. I can't wait!!! Tonight we are going out for my Uncle's birthday and then tomorrow night will be spent packing. ACCCKKKK so much to do so very little time! ---------------------- Edited to add.... NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! I can't take any more! One of my dear friends on an infertility board just lost one of her two twins. She had the CVS performed and her son was great - he's fine, he's healthy. Her daughter had a Trisome of 18 which is horrible. She will either pass in the womb, be born stillborn or possibly be able to live for a few months after birth. Since my friend was leaking fluid which could possibly injure both mother and healthy son, she had to stop the pregnancy for the girl so that her son would live. Please, if you read this, please keep them in your prayers! When I was talking to the doctor last night, I relayed a fear that I had. That I would go through all of this pain and struggle to have a baby, get pregnant and then lose the baby. I told her about Cecily, Anne and all of the women who responded to Anne by saying... I've had the same thing happen. She told me that it's not common, that I'm just seeing it because of the circumstances. And now this happens. My heart is breaking. It's breaking for my friend and it's breaking for me.