Thursday, January 27, 2005
That's what a friend from my weight watchers board called me today. Why? Because I'm going through this. She is such a sweetheart and that comment was so kind - but so far from the truth. I don't feel brave. I feel weak. I feel tired. I want this all to go away. I want to have a day, hell - an hour, where I don't think about this bullshit! Even as I sit here at work, I have a box of drugs staring me in the face. I start Repronex tonight and I'm terrified. Why? Because I heard that repronex stings. That's right boys and girls - not hurts, not causes complete agony.. it stings and for some reason... it's terrifying me. I know once I do it, I'll be fine. I am seeing a psychologist tonight who specializes in infertility. It's funny - I've been told that I am putting out some weird vibes into the world lately. My friend Janet, emailed me "what's wrong". I asked her what she meant - she said "I get a vibe that you are sad". HMMMM, sad wasn't what I was feeling at that time but ok. Then, my previous psychologist called me to just "check in" and see how I'm doing. She does this from time to time when she senses I'm having issues. I feel like I'm cheating on her. I adore Debbie - she's a wonderful therapist. I just really wanted to see someone who specializes in infertility and this therapist.... that's all she does. I'm really excited. It will be nice to not have to explain things (like my meds, diagnosis, etc.) I want to say thanks in advance to my other weight watchers buddy, Alfa, for graciously agreeing to help me figure out how to add links to other blogs on my site. I'm a complete idiot and just can't figure it out myself. I love my friends from the weight watchers board. They are my imaginary playmates. They are such a diverse group of people with (as much as they would deny it) hearts of gold. Trying to lose weight while going through ART (assisted reproductive technology) is like trying to take a nap during Ozzfest. It's not impossible - but highly improbable. However, my imaginary playmates do make it a little easier. I guess I have a lot of imaginary playmates. My friends on the fertility friends board, my friends who leave comments here. Ah the internet - who would have thunk it?