Friday, September 30, 2005

It's a Small World After All

Sorry for the ear worm (hehehehe). Wednesday night I had to pick Marc up from an appointment. I managed to score a parking spot right in front of where Marc's meeting was so I just sat in the car and relaxed. I heard someone talking and looked into my side view mirror and saw a man with two children and a stroller. Now, I knew that these children were Guatemalan for two reasons... reason one was because Marc had heard that there was a family w/Guatemalan children on the block and two... well, they looked Guatemalan. Anyway, I was debating on getting out of the car when Marc came out and told me that we should just go say hello. We approached the Dad and introduced ourselves and explained that we were going to be adopting from Guatemala. He was so sweet and so excited for us. Turns out.... we are going through the same agency he did! When we asked our agency about the length of time we could expect to bring home our son, they said the quickest they have ever brought home a baby was 4 1/2 months and the longest was 11 months (but that was a single parent during Hague). Guess what, he was both! First baby was 11 months and second was 4 1/2 months. I know that some bloggers are torn as to whether or not to approach strangers that may also be adoptive parents. I say... go for it! We are obviously blended families. We are different. We stand out. Might as well embrace it! (yes, I know I may change my mind after Dylan comes home but.... for now - that's my opinion). Parents who have adoptive children - how would you feel if a stranger approached you and told you that your child is beautiful and then asked if you had adopted because they were/had adopted as well. I'm not talking about the nosy body in the store that just assumes that because your child looks different that they are adopted. I mean a fellow adopter. Are you comfortable with that? I'm curious to hear your opinions.


  1. Hiya! Hope you don't mind me chiming in -I'm waiting to adopt from Guatemala too, I don't have a blog, but follow yours and a few others.

    So, I'm not yet a mom, but I would welcome this kind of contact from other families who adopted. I think I will stay that way after we adopt, too.

    I'll love to read others' comments.

    Good luck bringing Dylan home soon!


  2. I am comfortable with other adoptive parents talking to me about Bugaboo, BUT she is old enough to understand what is going on and I find a lot of their questions inappropriate. Why her parental rights were terminated, her diagnoses, etc, are private family matters. Not to be discussed in Walmart. However, we aren't a conspicious family so most people never know she is not my biological child unless one of us tells them.

  3. I'm totally open and it happens all the time. We're PROUD to be adoptive parents and PROUD that Riley was born in Guat. We approach others and they approach us.

    As "cubbiegirl" noted though - some comments are inappropriate. However, those comments, I find, are usually from non-adoptive parents. (I like to think they're just uneducated - and if the situation warrents - educate them a bit.)

    But absolutely we're fine with it. We're so active with LAAF-WI (Latin American Adoptive Families). We get a lot of out talking with other parents, as well as I think our kids will enjoy talking to their Guat friends about similar situations/feelings.

  4. Hello,
    I don't know if I've ever commented before, but I've been reading you for awhile.
    I'm not adopting, but since my husband is mixed and looks Hispanic or Native American (mom white, dad black, white & native american), I thought I would point out that some families may look like they adopted, but not be.
    If my child looks like me, my husband will get the comments - if she looks like him, people may ask me when I'm out with her. (Obviously, this is if we're not all out together.)
    Just thought I would throw this out there. Since I am used to answering questions about my husband's race - and he is comfortable saying he's "mixed," I wouldn't be offended by being asked, but I thought you might want to think about mixed/bi-racial familes.

  5. I will welcome people asking me if my child is adopted especially if they are going through or have gone through the process themselves. I have actually met a few people who have adopted from Guat. just by telling people I'm going to. I've even been connected through a friend of a friend who is involved with Guatemala Family Network here in RI. I'm so excited.
    I also bought a sticker for my car that says "adopting from guatemala" so I can attract people who have done so or are going to. Might be a little much but I'm very excited and love meeting new people!

  6. I don't have any children but my sister's husband is Filipino and her children (especially her son) resemble their father.

    Several people have made comments to my sister about her children being adopted and shared their own experiences either as being in the process of adopting or having adopted children.

    My sister often does not tell these people that her children are biological as she says that at times, there has been sadness in the comments and a sense of being glad they saw someone else "like them."

    It actually puts her in an awkward position at times to not want to make other people feel odd.

    Just second-ing krimojo's comment about not all families that seem to be adoptive actually being so.

  7. It's funny b/c my son is adopted and although you would not necessarily know it by his race, most people assume it because he's so darned BIG and I am very petite! I have NO problem responding positively to anyone who asks. I'm proud to advocate adoption at every opportunity. But, then again, that's how I was raised. My parents (white) adopted ME (black) and we were ALWAYS asked and ALWAYS celebrated the 'specialness' of it all!

  8. I adore any opportunity to talk about adoption, especially when the questions come from potential adoptive parents.

    I just assume most people approach us because, well, our son is perfect. Who wouldn't be curious???

  9. Very good question. I've wondered about that myself.

  10. I am always happy to talk about adoption, so I'm always happy if people bring it up. In my experience most people are either adoptive parents themselves or have an adoption story in their family. I've had very few stupid or bad experiences with people asking about our adoption.