Friday, June 10, 2005

Why is it that some people just have no common sense

when it comes to speaking to a woman about very personal issues? We have my friend over at The Naked Ovary who has been getting pregnanted left and right. Pregnanted is the act of telling someone you are adopting and the response you receive is something along the lines of "Oh, now you will get pregnant". The other definition is, well, more hideous. It's when someone mistakes you for being pregnant when you are not. I have had this happen many many times. I carry all of my weight in my stomach (thanks Dad!). Another friend of mine from weight watchers was just telling a story about how a woman at work asked her what she is going to do now that she is pregnant - isn't she going to gain back all of the weight she just lost?? I'm sure my ww buddy wanted to say something like "no you stupid cunt, I plan on starving myself during pregnancy so that I able to maintain my weight". Oh, did I mention that she's "one of us"? ~peeking around cyberspace looking for Mrs M~ Congrats Sweetie! So tell me, why do complete strangers feel the need to ask people insanely personal questions? While in an airport in Jamaica returning from vacation a black woman asked me when I was due (you'll understand the need for color reference as the story progresses). I just looked at her and said "do I now you?". She said "No". I asked "Are you sure?" She said "Yes, I'm sure". I asked "did we go to school together?" She, being very much younger than myself replied "doubt it". I asked (here's where the color reference comes in) "are we related? cousins maybe?" She laughed hysterically and said "definitely not". I looked her dead in the eye and said "then what would possess you to ask such an intimate question of a complete stranger? I'm not pregnant, I'm fat - thanks for asking". I hope that that experience has caused her never to ask that question of another woman again. Now this experience was long before my fertility shit. If I had been on clomid, I'd be rotting in a Jamaican jail. I usually use the pregnanted statement of "Oh, you'll get pregnant after you adopt" as an opportunity to educate the obviously ignorant person on the new technologies that exist to diagnose infertility. Of course, there was the one time I was in a mood and a woman who tried to pregnanted me said "Oh, you'll get pregnant after you adopt" my response to her was "G-d I hope not!'. Shut her up. The most fun I have is when stupid people ask me when Marc and I are going to start a family. I love it when it's at some kind of social event and I have a drink in my hand. ~insert Jewish accent here~ "So, when are you two going to start a family?" Me - we are expecting around the end of the year. Causing said questioners eyes to dart back and forth between my face, my stomach and my drink which I usually pound for dramatic effect and excuse myself to get another. So, tell me, what are some of the idiotic remarks you have gotten lately?


  1. Anonymous11:37 AM

    Hey's Chrissi...this post cracked me up, I loved your story. Yeah, we get the line about if we adopt then we'll get prego, sometimes I say..."Why didn't I think about that? It would;ve saved me $50K and a few hundred needles in my ass for IVF, thank you so very much, I'll book my tickets to Russia right away!!", the other day I was in a much nicer mood and just replied, nice thought but it' medically impossible for me to get pg on my own....oh boy does that make their mouths hang open. Now that we are going the surrogate route (hopefully if the blood work is okay), I actually just had someone tell me they were sorry I was going to miss out on the experince of being pregnant. I was stunned, I need to think of a good reply b/c I bet I get that one again soon!

  2. Crap, I've had too many comments to even know where to begin.

    Chrissi...omg, she was SORRY? That is friggin horrible! I am speechless.

  3. I was lucky -- I didn't get many. I got some from Brett's crazy born-again cousin who is letting god decide family size and has a child every 15 to 18 months but isn't that to be expected? I mean that someone like that would say stupid, hurtful things to a barren Jewish feminist??? So those don't count.

    I did have one friend say, after I was trying to tell her that this infertility thing really sucked and that I needed her support as I headed into my first IUI, "well, I guess it would be hard to realize that you will probably never ever have kids." I felt like she'd cursed me. Bleah.

  4. Anonymous3:06 PM

    Oh. My. God.

    What a hysterical post! GOOD for you girl, for speaking up for yourself to that woman.

    People (even kind, seemingly good-intentioned people) can say the most appaling things sometimes.

    My personal favorite? About 5 months ago my mother-in-law (who is usually a very sweet woman) called me at work in a totally random fashion JUST TO ASK ME WHEN I PICKED UP THE PHONE....

    "Are you pregnant yet?"


    "Well, god! Hurry it up already!"

    Then she hung up. And she never mentioned it afterwards.

  5. Loved this post...absolutely loved it with all my mighty laughter :)

  6. I can't believe how you handled that woman's inconsiderate query. I LOVE what you did!!

  7. What a hoot!
    You are hilarious!
    What a comeback for Ms.Jamaica! Standing ovation for your quick thinking brain.
    3 years ago I foolishly told a work associate that I was TTC. This woman rings me every month to exchange statements & I swear every month she asks me "So....any NEWS?" This month I got to tell her that yes, news is Russell Crowe got arrested & Mum's cat had kittens. "Any other NEWS?" she inevidently persists "Um...Nooooo..." I dumbly reply "Oh hang on!" I tease "Yes! my car needed a new clutch! $400.00 can you believe that?"
    Wouldn't you think she'd take a hint? Especially after I told her 2 years ago that if she's fishing for baby news, please stop asking such a painful question month after month..I will tell her if I'm pregnant. I'll tell her 1st...even before I tell my husband.
    I have also been told that we can have a perfectly happy life without children & we'll save soooo much money! (this from a doting mother) If I can't have children, then I can't have grandchildren either & I'll wind up a crazy old woman pushing my dog around the neighbourhood in a pram. This is not my idea of happiness...although now I think about it my dog would look kinda cute in a pram.
    I also got asked "When are you expecting?" way back when I was really slim. I didn't look the slightest bit pregnant. I found that I wasn't terribly insulted because the freak who asked me was a drunk man who was clearly still a virgin at 40 years of age.
    I'll be back to read/stalk more have a new fan in me.

  8. Anonymous8:38 PM

    Wow, I'm sorry you have to go through all that crap. Some people really are dumb.

    AnnMarie (WW Board)

  9. I know exactly how you feel. People are so stupid!! After we ccepted our referral I was shopping for a crib with my stepmom and the 300 year old sales guy looked right at my stomach and said "HMMM, let me guess, you are due in February or March right?" (Thank God that meant he thought I was about 4 months pregnant or I would have jumped in front of a bus) I told my stepmom that the next time that happened I was going to tell them that she's the pregnant one. HEEE HEEE :)

  10. I will absolutely flip out on whoever asks me when I am due. And believe me, it could happen! I did have a doozy about three months ago, the week I found out my last round of IVF failed I went to a party. I was introduced to a woman who was sucking down the wine (a harried mom who was glad of a night out) and she asked me if I had kids. I simply replied no. She said "Oh! You're lucky! HAHA!" and sucked down more wine.

    I quickly replied - "Well, I just found out this week that my third round of IVF failed and that we CAN'T have kids so, no, I am actually NOT lucky."

    She felt horrible. As she should. I just hope, like that women in Jamaica, that she realizes she should never say anything like that again.

  11. I had a lady at work in dead seriousness tell me that since I'm adopting I should go straight to heaven without question. She didn't mean it symbolically, she meant it for real. I didn't understand what she said at first so I kinda laughed and said, "Yeah". Then my brain kicked in and I stammered, "Wait. .what?"

    Huh, I guess I can stop going to church every week now, huh?**

    Love the post and your response. People are weird.

    **Note - No, I don't believe going to church guarantees you a place in heaven.

  12. Anonymous11:41 PM

    I'm just waiting for someone to give me another definition of pregnanted to add to the collection. If it's an assy thing to say, I bet they'll say it.

    This was a goooooood post.

    Karen/Naked ovary

  13. Anonymous3:04 PM

    I am laughing my ass off!
    I can't wait to tell someone I'm due in 5 or 6 months while chugging my alcoholic beverage!!

  14. People can be such assholes!!! When people ask when we're going to have a baby, I feel like telling them, "We've been trying for more than a year, you nosy jerk."

  15. Anonymous5:12 PM

    My favorite dumb ass comment was from a very good friend of mine who just happens to be adopted from Korea. After completing her pregnancy during which she had to quit smoking and drinking (MY GOD!!!), she had the nerve to say that I was getting my baby "the easy way" by adopting him. Up yours!