Tuesday, June 21, 2005
I know you are around here somewhere
I know you are around, I can feel you.. poking at my uterus and snickering behind my back. Don't you think I can recognize you a mile away? I've known you since I was 11 years old. I know what that icky, weepy, crampy, pull the covers over my head for a week feeling means. My period will be arriving soon. Probably today because I forgot that it was due and wore my lovely new white capris. It's funny. You'd think that since I'm adopting I wouldn't mind getting it. That since we are not "officially" trying, that it wouldn't bother me. If you think that, you're nuts.
It's not that I thought I was pregnant. Not at all. It's more that I feel like it's mocking me. My body appears to do what it's supposed to do every 28 days yet there is no purpose to it. My pain will never produce a child. It will just be there, mocking me, every 28 days. So... to my period I say.... Fuck You!
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If you are wondering what happened to my meltdown(s), I've decided that I need to put them away for a little while. Pull them back from the world. I kept obsessing over them, re-reading them at every opportunity and I need to move on from it so I pulled them back. Thank you again for all of your kind words.
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Oh yeah..... SIGN MY MAP
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I've got to remember to try to sign your map at home. When I've tried to do it the last 3 times when I've been at work it gives me a page error. I will try to remember when I get home.
ReplyDeleteGod I hate the fucking monthly shit. I have no tubes and still I hope for some miracle! HAHA
ReplyDeleteMy dh told me since we are adopting now I should get it all ripped out and be done with it. Yea, like that it a good solution asshole.
I get a monthly period but what's the point of having a frigging monthly cycle if it's not going to get me knocked up? I'd rather get no bloody period.
ReplyDeleteMan, that really sucks. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
ReplyDeleteMeltdowns are good for you sometimes. You get to release some of that anger, which at least helps temporarily.
I know what you mean. We are not TTC (not preventing either, what's the point in that its been almost 5 yrs?) Still, it bothers me every month I get my period. It also bugs me that every month I still wonder, "ohh, maybe I'm pregnant".
ReplyDeleteSorry about the cramps.
KimN
Hey sweetie. I'm sending you my love. I feel the same as you today. I started last night at 11. What a cruel joke.
ReplyDeleteI called in to work today and my boss was so worried about me that she bought lunch and came to my house to eat with me and give me a hug. I really needed it. I'm a crybaby today.
Take care,
Diamonds
Goodness, we really are riding the same wave, aren't we? Here...
ReplyDelete(Toss)
I'm throwing you a lifejacket in hopes that it helps you float through the rough spots.
My body mocks me every month like clock work. It is better since we decided to adopt, but I'm not "cured".
ReplyDeleteMAN,I can relate to this! if you're wondering who I am, Julie...I'm Jen *you know me as ticktock321 at yahoo, from the BIG LIST* and I've been bouncing around your blog a bit tonight. Whoah, that whole monthly crap gives me huge flashbacks. I must say, that two years after a VERY traumatic hysterectomy, I don't miss the monthly (yes, you're not pregnant) tease any more. Not a bit. I'm so past buying tampons and pads, and other curses like the worst cramps from hell you can imagine. I've no time for all that now, anyway, since I have my beautiful little daughter from Guatemala! I'm still not sure how I will explain all that to her in time....I might better hold on to a memory or two. Yikes. Anyhoo, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT...got the t-shirt...and still lived to tell it. Hang in there, and focus on ADOPTION! It's the one sure way you are gonna get a kid! EMAIL ME and let me know what's the latest!!
ReplyDeleteJen