Tuesday, June 21, 2005

I know you are around here somewhere

I know you are around, I can feel you.. poking at my uterus and snickering behind my back. Don't you think I can recognize you a mile away? I've known you since I was 11 years old. I know what that icky, weepy, crampy, pull the covers over my head for a week feeling means. My period will be arriving soon. Probably today because I forgot that it was due and wore my lovely new white capris. It's funny. You'd think that since I'm adopting I wouldn't mind getting it. That since we are not "officially" trying, that it wouldn't bother me. If you think that, you're nuts. It's not that I thought I was pregnant. Not at all. It's more that I feel like it's mocking me. My body appears to do what it's supposed to do every 28 days yet there is no purpose to it. My pain will never produce a child. It will just be there, mocking me, every 28 days. So... to my period I say.... Fuck You! --------------------------------------- If you are wondering what happened to my meltdown(s), I've decided that I need to put them away for a little while. Pull them back from the world. I kept obsessing over them, re-reading them at every opportunity and I need to move on from it so I pulled them back. Thank you again for all of your kind words. ---------------------------------------- Oh yeah..... SIGN MY MAP

9 comments:

  1. I've got to remember to try to sign your map at home. When I've tried to do it the last 3 times when I've been at work it gives me a page error. I will try to remember when I get home.

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  2. God I hate the fucking monthly shit. I have no tubes and still I hope for some miracle! HAHA
    My dh told me since we are adopting now I should get it all ripped out and be done with it. Yea, like that it a good solution asshole.

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  3. I get a monthly period but what's the point of having a frigging monthly cycle if it's not going to get me knocked up? I'd rather get no bloody period.

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  4. Man, that really sucks. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.

    Meltdowns are good for you sometimes. You get to release some of that anger, which at least helps temporarily.

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  5. I know what you mean. We are not TTC (not preventing either, what's the point in that its been almost 5 yrs?) Still, it bothers me every month I get my period. It also bugs me that every month I still wonder, "ohh, maybe I'm pregnant".

    Sorry about the cramps.

    KimN

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  6. Diamonds11:37 PM

    Hey sweetie. I'm sending you my love. I feel the same as you today. I started last night at 11. What a cruel joke.

    I called in to work today and my boss was so worried about me that she bought lunch and came to my house to eat with me and give me a hug. I really needed it. I'm a crybaby today.

    Take care,

    Diamonds

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  7. Goodness, we really are riding the same wave, aren't we? Here...

    (Toss)

    I'm throwing you a lifejacket in hopes that it helps you float through the rough spots.

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  8. My body mocks me every month like clock work. It is better since we decided to adopt, but I'm not "cured".

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  9. MAN,I can relate to this! if you're wondering who I am, Julie...I'm Jen *you know me as ticktock321 at yahoo, from the BIG LIST* and I've been bouncing around your blog a bit tonight. Whoah, that whole monthly crap gives me huge flashbacks. I must say, that two years after a VERY traumatic hysterectomy, I don't miss the monthly (yes, you're not pregnant) tease any more. Not a bit. I'm so past buying tampons and pads, and other curses like the worst cramps from hell you can imagine. I've no time for all that now, anyway, since I have my beautiful little daughter from Guatemala! I'm still not sure how I will explain all that to her in time....I might better hold on to a memory or two. Yikes. Anyhoo, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT...got the t-shirt...and still lived to tell it. Hang in there, and focus on ADOPTION! It's the one sure way you are gonna get a kid! EMAIL ME and let me know what's the latest!!

    Jen

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