Doing the right thing... adoption wise

I've been reading blogs by adoptees lately. I'm posting this here because I don't want to take away from their feelings or thoughts. I'm not saying anyone's feelings are wrong. I'm just trying to get my head around some of them.

I don't want Dylan to ever feel anything but loved. He's not second best. He wasn't a last resort. However, there was a journey to him and part of that journey was going through infertility treatment. Marc and I always say how grateful we are for the experience of IF because it brought us to Dylan. I can't imagine my life without him. Not without a baby but without Dylan.

My whole life has been leading up to situations. Does that make sense? I feel like Gd is always giving me obstacles to help me appreciate when I'm given good relationships, jobs, etc.

Sometimes I need to let go of the fear that I will hurt Dylan in some way because he is adopted. I just need to continue to love him with all of my being.

Sorry - I was kind of going somewhere with this but it got a little goofy in the translation from heart/head to blog.

Revolting!

Thanks to UnGrateful Little Bastard for the story.

Seriously, if we ever decided to adopt again and an agency or attorney told us this is how to do it, I may end up in jail for assault.

Seriously... who is ok with THIS?

Cool Website Find

So I was cruising the Guatemalan Adoption boards (as I'm known to do from time to time) when someone posted about this wonderful thing called Speakshop. It's a website that hooks people up with teachers in Guatemalan and Nicaragua. It's a fair trade situation so the money you pay ($8 per hour) goes directly to the teacher. How cool is that????

Whining

Time to pick the internet's brains a bit.

Dylan isn't extremely verbal. He gets into these fits (like this morning) where he'll whine he wants something. He won't verbal what it is other than to say "want dat". When we try to get him to "use his words" he just gets more frustrated. When we finally figure it out it seems to set him off into a tizzy that includes him saying "no want that" and then, when we remove the item from his view, reach, whatever, he flips out yelling. We give it back, "No want that", take it away, flips out - often times biting his hand.

So wise internet - give me some tools here... please.

Let the Voting Begin!!!

Please VOTE for my good friend Andrea's blog for best Mommy Blog. And, if you are so inclined... you can VOTE for me too.

Forgot to ask....

What makes your kids lose their minds??

Dylan absolutely goes insane with bubbles. He'll shriek like he's just won the lottery and go tearing off after them screaming "bbbuuubbblllessss!!!!". It's the funniest thing I've ever seen.

Somewhere in the middle....

So I started reading Raising Your Spirited Child. I'm only a few chapters in but it's quite apparent that Dylan isn't as spirited as I thought (at least, compared to the behaviors described in the book).

Oh, don't get me wrong, my boy has spirit and energy galore but he comes down off of it quite quickly. This book is geared more towards children who lock in and that's it. Does that make sense?

The one thing I've taken from the little bit I've read is I want to get rid of the negative language. He's not hyper, he's energetic. He's not loud, he's excited. You get the picture. It's still a good book and plan to keep pushing through it but first I have to read Customer Centric Selling. Can I just tell you how much I friggin hate sales books. I have to read three chapters by tomorrow for our sales meeting. What the fuck. One thing I've learned about this type of thing, read it, take from it what you can and leave the rest. I have never worked for an organization that actually implemented anything from these programs. Last thing was the Fish principal and how we were going to bring this moral program into our office. Meanwhile, moral is still on a downward spiral and nothing was ever done. I will say - that particular book was a good read. More like a story than a how-to book so it held my attention.

Allergies and Energies

We had our first visit with the allergist this morning. Dylan had a skin test done (he was a trooper and didn't even wince). He's allergic to trees. Thankfully, no reaction to cats or dogs.

We now have an idea on how to proceed with his stuffed nose and breathing so that hopefully we can wean him off of the Flovent in the coming months.

Hopefully, taking him off Flovent will help decrease his energy level. Dylan is being seen by a therapist for his speech. Well, not really his speech. They know he can speak but they feel that he's so busy that he doesn't sit still long enough to learn. ~sprays anti-labeling spray~ No, he's not ADD or ADHD. The therapist that works with him deals with many children with ADD, ADHD, Autism, etc. and he shows none of the classic signs. He's definitely spirited and like my friend Cecily, I picked up a copy of Raising Your Spirited Child and began reading that this weekend.

I've only read a few pages but the first thing that struck me was the desire of the parents to remove the negative words like hyper from their vocabulary. I agree. There is nothing negative about Dylan. Sometimes he exhibits negative behavior but that's normal - we all do. I had labels growing up and I hated it. I don't want to do that to him.

Broken Hearted

I had once said that my heart was broken when my Dad died. Now I know it's true and I have proof - an EKG was taken today (for some super minor hand surgery I'm supposed to have for a cyst) and it shows a left axis - anterior fascicular block. What does that mean? According to my adorable doctor, it means the lines go down when they should go up. It could be indicative of a past heart attack she says but she doesn't feel that the case. She said I need to know this because if I was in the ER for something and got an EKG, they may think I was having or had a heart attack.

I left there with an okay attitude and called Mom. She flips out and tells me I have to call Dad's cardiologist immediately. She reminds me that my father's side of the family has a history of heart disease. Fuck.

I get back into the office and promptly call the cardiologist. Cardiologist assistant is lovely and has me fax the EKG into her office. She's going to review it w/the Cardiologist and see if it's something they need to see me about immediately or if it's something that can be scheduled normally (I want a full workup as I'm planning to do the MS 150).

Then I start thinking to myself that this is just a baseline - I've never had an EKG before so don't panic yet..... yet..... wait.... what about 10 years ago when I was sick. DOUBLE FUCK

Here's a bizarre story for you.

I woke up one day at 3:00 a.m. with a blinding headache. I never get headaches like this. I thought I had carbon monoxide poisoning (I had fallen asleep to a show about CM poisoning). I drove around at 3:00 a.m. looking for a store that had a CM detector - finally found one, came home, plugged it in and it showed nothing. Decided in my haze of pain that it was broken and called the gas company who promptly came out and told me I was crazy. Shortly after the gas guy left is when it hit... horrible vomiting & diarrhea at the same time (thank Gd my toilet & sink were next to each other). I ended up passing out a number of times and ended up in the hospital. I had a 94 degree temp when I got there (brother took me) due to the dehydration. The hooked me up to an IV and also gave me an EKG because I had a horrible pressure in my chest.

Now I don't think I had a heart attack that day - they said the EKG was fine... but... they said it was fine. If this thingie is something that is my baseline then it would have showed up then. TRIPLE FUCK

Needless to say, I have a call into my regular doctor to tell her that I'm not convinced this is "normal" for me.

I really need to relax this weekend!

Co-Parenting

So tell me - wonderful internet people - do you and your significant other truly co-parent? How do you handle discipline.

I really need to get a better handle on this discipline thing. I am so tired of feeling like the bad guy. Dylan will pitch a fit and I feel like I am the only person willing to handle it. I've asked Marc several times if I am going over board and he's said no so.... how do you handle co-parenting when disciplining your child. Oh, and by discipline, I am referring to giving time-outs, removing child from a situation when they are acting up, etc.

I'd also love to hear any creative parenting techniques. Dylan has fallen in love with throwing and has quite the impressive arm. This is completely acceptable when we are tossing a ball. It's completely unacceptable when it's french toast and we are sitting in a restaurant and he managed to nail a guy in the head that is sitting across the isle from us (I shit you not).

Ahhhh, the trying two's!

Hey - Anonymous gave me an idea!

If anyone out there has some good recipes for Guatemalan food, please share them here! I'd love to start compiling recipes. I have a recipe for a Guatemalan Ginger Chicken Soup which is easy, delicious and low in calories/fat. I'll have to dig it up but I promise to post it.

I'll run the Charoset through a recipes builder to see if I can get some nutritional information to post for my weight watcher peoples.

That's my boy!

Yesterday was beautiful so I took Dylan to the park near my office at work. There is a fountain that hasn't been filled yet that all of the toddlers love to run around in (and all of the parents love the fact that the kids are contained to a small area).

Now, there is a group of kids we see all of the time and Dylan plays beautifully with them. Yesterday, a new girl joined the group. She is 6 and has Downs Syndrome and was quite aggressive at first. She had two balls and would throw them. Dylan would run and pick them up and she would run up to him and scream at him and snatch the balls away from him. She threw the balls again and again Dylan chased them down and picked them up. Again, she got in his face and snatched the balls away. The third time this happened I could see Dylan's beautiful brain working. He ran after the balls, picked them up, ran up to Miss P and very gently handed her back the balls. After that, the two of them just played beautifully together.

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In other news, I'm weaning off the lexapro. I keep forgetting to take it so I kept getting agitated but I know it's just a side effect of forgetting so I am able to deal.

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Well, Passover begins this weekend and I came across a recipe for Guatemalan Charoset. I'll be making it for our Sedar tomorrow and I'm just so excited to be able to bring some of Dylan's culture to our Sedar table. If anyone else is interested, here's the recipe...

Haroset ingredients

* 3 green apple, peeled, chopped, with a splash of lemon juice
* 2 tablespoons cashew, chopped
* 2 tablespoons honey
* 1 ounce sweet passover wine
* 1 teaspoon fresh cilantro, chopped

Sauce

* 1 ounce green chilies, and
* red chilies, chopped, they are locally called chiltepe
* 2 teaspoons onion, chopped
* 2 garlic clove, peeled, chopped
* 1 small tomato, chopped
* 1 tablespoon wine vinegar
* 1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil
* cinnamon

Directions

1.Toss all haroset ingredients in a bowl and set aside.
2.Liquify all ingredients for the sauce in a blender and season with salt to taste,.
3.Add 1 tablespoons of the sauce to the haroset and blend.
4.Add cinnamon to taste.

It was in an article in Hadassa Magazine about a new Jewish Community in Guatemala and how they had a Charoset contest and this was the winner.

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Chag Samaech!

Time for a redo

I hate the way my blog looks. It's boring. I'd love to spruce it up a bit but I suck at this kind of thing. Anyone want to take a stab at it for me??? I have an appointment on Friday with my doc. I need a redo too. I want off of my anti-depressants. I needed them to help me get past my father's death. While I don't think I'll ever be over it - I've healed enough that I can exist with the meds. I'm tired all of the time and I think it has to do with the drugs. I hate feeling like this. I can't enjoy my evenings because I'm so exhausted by the end of the day, that I just go to bed right after dinner. It sucks.

Moving Right Along

I really need to post more often. So... what's new? Well, Dylan is 2 1/2 and is Mr. Independent. He will throw the most spectacular fits if now allowed to do things himself. He is a dare devil - he loves to jump and flip off of anything and everything. He (of course) loves Elmo and Dora and is just now starting to enjoy the idiot box. His speech is a bit delayed but that is improving with the help of early intervention. My depression is lifting and I think I'm ready to wean off the anti-depressant I've been on since my Dad passed away. I don't sleep and I think that may be because of the medication. I've been working out consistently 4x a week (2 days spinning and 2 days training w/a personal trainer) and it's definitely paying off. I'm down to a size 10 and feel stronger than I've ever felt (physically). Marc is amazing. He's such an incredible husband and father. It's just amazing to watch him play with Dylan. They are best buds. Adoption related... We are still waiting on Dylan's COC (Certificate of Citizenship). According to the website - we are hopefully about 2 months away from getting it. Let's keep our fingers crossed!

Hi Ya Stranger :)

Yeah, I'm still around. This is just a quick post to ask you to go to The Best of Blogs and nominate (and then vote) for my good friend Andrea for most inspirational blog. Andrea is fighting cancer. She's an amazing woman. Go over to her blog and give her some love. So.... I'm sure you're wondering where I've been. I suck. I have no excuses. Dylan is spectacular. He just amazes me every day. He's a little boy now - no more baby. He's talking more. He's a daredevil and loves to jump and flip off of things. Gd help me. Life is good.

Two Years Ago Today....

December 5, 2005 - We awoke early and headed out the airport. This was it, we were going to get our son. We knew that later that day - we would finally hold him in our arms. You could tell we were excited because we actually left the house a little earlier than we had planned. We got to the airport early and it was mobbed! The lines moved swiftly and before we knew it, we were standing in front of our new best friend, Robert. Apparently the idiot at US Air who originally took our miles reservation only held the reservation - she didn't book the ticket. After a little work from our friend, we were headed to security.We got through security with enough time to grab some breakfast to bring onto the plane with us. We were held up a bit due to weather in North Carolina. By the time we reached Guatemala, we were already about an hour later than expected. We went through customs (it was a breeze) we headed over to get our luggage. The conveyor belt was broken so they started unloading by hand. These guys were incredible - lifting the bags like they didn't weight a thing. After about 40 minutes, we learned that they had put out all of the luggage from our flight. Turns out our bags were still in North Carolina. Luckily we packed a bag with an extra set of clothes for me, Marc and Dylan so we weren't too concerned.While in line we met a lovely Guatemalan couple. They were horrified that belt was broken and our bags were lost and felt like it was an embarrassment to them personally as Guatemalans. They were so kind and offered us a ride to the hotel. We declined only because we saw the shuttle to our hotel. NOTE TO PARENTS GOING TO PICK UP THEIR CHILD: Always pack a change of clothes for yourself, your SO & your child in your carry on luggage. Also pack some extra diapers for the baby, PJ's, etc. This way if your bags get lost, you are covered. The Westin in Guatemala is fantastic! The have a floor just for families with a little family room with a sofa, toys for the kids, a microwave, a sink and a bottle purifier. When parents have left overs (food, formula, diapers, etc.) it is left in the cabinets. I thought it was pretty funny that there wre a few bottles of wine too!We had gotten to the hotel too late for the attorney's office to bring Dylan to us so we had to wait till 11:00 a.m. the next day. We went out to eat outside the hotel at Taco Inn (very tasty for those of you going), had a few beers and went to bed. December 6, 2005 - Marc and I are normally early risers so we decided to explore the area around the hotel and went for a long walk. We had breakfast and waited for 11:00 a.m. to roll around. And we waited and we waited and finally emailed the agency at 11:30 that we were getting worried. Apparently our attorney was behind schedule and would be by at 2:00 p.m. with Dylan and his foster Mom. AAACCCKK So we waited and waited and at 2:00 p.m. our phone rang. It was RM (the attorney) and she was in the lobby with our boy. We ran down to the lobby and we knew him on sight. He was even more beautiful than his photos. He smiled when he saw us and we just melted! Neither of us cried - I think we were in shock that this day was finally here. We met his wonderful foster mom. Unfortunately, his foster dad couldn't join us. They gave us a small photo album and you could really tell how much they loved him. She even called us in the hotel the next day to check on him. The rest of the day we just got to know our boy. How he likes to be held, how he likes us to hold his bottle, etc. He showed us how he makes rasberries and how much he likes it when we make them on his belly and neck and toes. We were told that the Westin had strollers that you could borrow (leave a $5 deposit that you would get back when you return the stroller). What we hadn't counted on is them running out of them. We ended up carrying him everywhere and he sat on our laps when we ate. I actually learned to eat right handed! December 7, 2005 - Embassy time! Our appointment was at 7:45 a.m. so M & her son (M works for our attorney) picked us up at 7:00 a.m. along with another family and took us to the Embassy. After going through security we were brought into a room. M told us that we would hear our names called and that we were number 10 in line. Just go to room 8 and she would wait for us there. After about 40 minutes our name was called. We went into room 8 which was really tiny. Like a brook closet with 2 chairs and a big window. We were sworn in and asked a bunch of basic questions. The lady behind the glass stamped our paperwork and told us we would be called to window 5 in a little while. We went back into the room and waited. About 30 minutes later we were called to the window and told to sign a few documents and we were done. We could pick up the visa on Thursday at 3:30 p.m. Actually, the attorney's office picks it up so we were pretty much done w/the Embassy. We were not able to leave the hotel because we had no identification for Dylan as the Embassy keeps his passport and they don't want us to leave the hotel w/out his identification. We just hung out and relaxed and got to know each other, had dinner in the Italian Restaurant in the hotel. The chef came out and introduced himself and wished us well. Then a couple sat down across from us and we chatted about Guatemala and the adoption. It was lovely. After dinner we just went back to the room and went to bed. Dylan gets up once or twice during the night for his bottle but then goes right back to sleep. December 8, 2005 - After breakfast, M's son, C picked us and another couple up and took us to a craft market near the airport. I guess with C with us, there was no concerns about being stopped with the babies and being asked for ID. We shopped for some things to take home for Dylan. We got a little puppet, some material to be made into a Tallis for him and a hand woven sling to carry him in (that we couldn't use because the dye was rubbing off on both of us). He brought us back to the hotel and told us that either he or his mom would be back w/our Visa's. We just hung out in our room until 4:00 when they called us with the Visas. We were done. All we needed to do now was wait till Saturday for our flight. We had dinner at the buffet restaurant in the hotel and... you guessed it... went to bed. Deceber 9, 2005 - We had the whole day to ourselves with nothing to do but enjoy ourselves. At this point we still didn't have a stroller and our backs were sore from carrying him so we went to the mall 3 blocks from the hotel, went to the department store and bought a stroller. It's a Graco and it was perfect! We walked around the area surrounding the hotel. When we got back to the hotel, it was sunny and warm so we headed off to the pool. Dylan enjoyed it but as soon as we got into the pool, the sun went behind the clouds so we had to bring him out. He feel asleep in his stroller so we were able to just relax by the pool for a while. That night we went out again to the Tacotento (sp?) restaurant down the street from the hotel for dinner. It was wonderful because Dylan was able to hang out in his stroller while we ate. Then it was back to the hotel to rest up for our trip the next day. December 10, 2005 - up early with Dylan. We packed up, ate breakfast and then called to the bellman to get our bags. We ran into the woman we had met in the Italian Restaurant again and she was telling us how wonderful Dylan is (um, duh!). Anyway, she went on to tell us that she had met a gay couple who had adopted and wasn't that horrible! We explained that we knew several gay couples who have adopted and feel it is a wonderful thing. Man, she took off like a bat out of hell! On to the airport we went and, after a slight delay in checking in (when we arranged for Dylan to come home - we gave the name "Dylan" instead of his birth name which is on the passport), we went to our terminal. The stroller proved to be invaluable - we were able to put some of our luggage in the basket under the seat. While waiting we met a couple who had just visited with their son. The wife was very teary while looking at Dylan. She explained that she had gotten her referral when her son was 2 days old. They hadn't wanted to do a visit trip but since it was his first birthday (yes, you read that right) they felt it was the right thing to do. The poor woman was in tears and my heart was breaking for her. It's all about her agency - they refuse to answer her questions as to what is going on and when her or her husband push things she is told that if they don't keep their mouth shut they will lose their referral and will never be able to adopt from Guatemala again. So very sad. We were very fortunate in that the woman checking us in at the airport decided to book us so that we had an isle and a window seat and the seat in between us was empty. This was wonderful because Dylan managed to fall asleep just after take off. We were able to lay him down across the seat which made for a very comfortable trip for the tree of us. Of course Dylan decided, after he woke up, to have the most toxic diaper known to man. When I was getting out of my seat in order to change him he tipped over in the seat and scratched his face. I was so upset with myself. He didn't even wimper. I have to say that the changing table in the bathroom was perfect. Just wide enough and long enough that I didn't have to worry about him falling over (he likes to grab his toes and roll onto his side when I change his diaper). As we were landing in Charlotte, the pilot came over the loudspeaker and reminded the passengers that cameras and recording devices were not allowed in customs and, if anyone was caught using them, they would be confiscated. He then said (dryly) "Welcome to America". All of the Americans on the flight got a good laugh out of that. We were very unsure of what happens next. We knew that we had to give this package to customs but we weren't sure where. Basically, when you go through regular customs, there are two lines, one for Americans and the other for "others". We were told to go to the "others" line. We were called up to the customs agent and a supervisor was walking by and mentioned that she hadn't seen any adoption kids come through. I laughed and said that we have one here. She wished us many blessings. The customs agent processed us and took our paperwork and told us to go through to the next area. The security guard in the next spot was a real asshole. He wanted some blue card that the customs agent took from us. We explained that we didn't have it - that she had taken it with the rest of our documents. He kept insisting that we had it till finally he just waved us through and told us we needed to go over to immigration (most people just passed straight through - we had to go to the area to the left). We met with a lovely guard there who asked us to leave our luggage and wait in a room - he said they'd come and get us. Another family (who was in line behind us at customs with 4 kids) joined us in the room. They were Guatemalan but there was a problem with one of their son's visas. We chatted, I changed Dylan into his pj's and, after about 10 minutes a guard came in and handed us Dylan's passport and welcomed us all to America. Then came the dash.. we had to recheck our luggage and run through the airport (thank Gd for the stroller) to make our flight. Turns out we had the time wrong and we had enough time to grab a bite to eat and call a few family members to let them know we were in.We jumped on the next flight and he fussed a bit (bitch in th neat seat was giving us dirty looks - I told Marc I was tempted to let him cry for the entire flight). He fell asleep right before takeoff and then woke up right before landing. We were home. We got our luggage, hopped on the shuttle, got our car (Marc played Tetris with the luggage - and did an amazing job) and came home. It was an incredible experience. I definately want to go back to Guatemala and travel around the country. The people were so very kind to us. We really didn't experience any of the anti-adoption sentiment that we hear so much about. There was one woman at the hotel who was giving us very dirty looks but that could also be because we didn't have him all bundled up (he hates being hot). Now we are home, safe and sound, Dylan is rolling around on the living room floor making rasberries at the cats as they walk by. I don't think I've ever been so happy. ************************************************************************************ I can't believe it's been two years! Time definitely has flown by. Gone are the days of an immobile Dylan. Gone are the days of a crawling Dylan. Hell, gone are the days of a simply walking Dylan. He runs, plays, talks, throws killer tantrums, he gives the most incredible smiles and hugs and kisses. He loves to draw (especially on walls, furniture & televisions) and play with coins and his friends. The kids in daycare adore him. Every morning all of the kids yell out "Hi Dylan" as we walk into the room. He just glances at his adoring fans and then blows them off for his breakfast. We are just so blessed!

This I Believe

This I believe Have a hankie ready!

Somebody please tell me

When the pain subsides. How long will it take to get the images of my father on his deathbed out of my head? How long till I can remember when my Dad was ok, not sick, not complaining. How long till I can forgive my brother? How long will it take to let things go? The meds are working... I believe. I just don't think there are any meds out there that can truly make this amount of pain subside. I don't know where I'd be without my boys. Honestly - I'd probably be dead. They are the reason I get out of bed in the morning. Dylan is getting so big! He's 23 months old (yesterday) and is just too funny. If you ask him what a chicken says - he tells you "bawk bawk" and flaps his wings. He loves dogs and every time we walk by one he yells doggie (which sounds very much like daddy). I need to get my fat ass back on weight watchers. I just saw some photos of myself and um, fuck, I'm gaining weight again. ~le sigh~

~Peaks out into Blogsphere~

Is anyone out there??? I'm sorry - I suck. Life has been crazy. My grandmother died at the end of January. My father... 7 days later. Yeah, way to start the year huh? I'm loving being a Mom. I'm loving watching Marc be a Dad. I'm loving watching Dylan grow. He's walking, signs like a champ, starting to talk more and more every day. I'm in a sort of "reunion". When my father died my brother came back into our lives. He may read this - I don't know. Frankly my dears (or what is left of you) I don't give a flying fuck on a rolling donut. Contrary to what people think or say... reunion blows chunks. I think reunion hurts more than estrangement. I don't know what to do or say. At this point, I'm just rolling with life. So on to happy things. Dylan is so fucking amazing I don't know how to put it into words. Tonight he killed me. He didn't want to go to bed so he tried something new.... as I put him into bed, he wrapped his arms around my arm and snuggled and wouldn't let go. I was tempted to crawl into his crib and go to sleep :) I'll try to be a better blogger.

Truer Words Never Spoken

One of my WW friends posted this letter to the editor and I thought (since I haven't posted in forever) to share it with whomever may still check in.... LOVE AND let love God gave me a gift, a wonderful son who happens to be gay. God does not give inferiors gifts. God does not make mistakes. This little boy that God gave to me is now a fine young man. But my son is treated like a second-class citizen by my church. Maybe my state constitution will treat him likewise. I pray that it will not. If you had a gay loved one in your family you would be a better person. You would be sensitive to the discrimination gays endure. You would realize that they, too, are entitled to mutual love. God will continue to send gay babies. We must take them into our hearts and our lives. That would please God. DOROTHY DONAHUE Norwell You can see the original letter to the editor HERE