Thursday, June 07, 2007

Somebody please tell me

When the pain subsides. How long will it take to get the images of my father on his deathbed out of my head? How long till I can remember when my Dad was ok, not sick, not complaining. How long till I can forgive my brother? How long will it take to let things go? The meds are working... I believe. I just don't think there are any meds out there that can truly make this amount of pain subside. I don't know where I'd be without my boys. Honestly - I'd probably be dead. They are the reason I get out of bed in the morning. Dylan is getting so big! He's 23 months old (yesterday) and is just too funny. If you ask him what a chicken says - he tells you "bawk bawk" and flaps his wings. He loves dogs and every time we walk by one he yells doggie (which sounds very much like daddy). I need to get my fat ass back on weight watchers. I just saw some photos of myself and um, fuck, I'm gaining weight again. ~le sigh~

5 comments:

  1. I have no words of wisdom. All I can do is give you a cyber hug.

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  2. I don't know what happened to your blog in my Bloglines, my friend so I have missed many of your posts until now.

    To answer your question, I still see my mother in the ICU with her trach and this is over 18 months since she died. Keep giving yourself time and the pain will ease.

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  3. mindy8:14 PM

    Hi, you don't know me, but I've gone through what you have. I took care of my mother when she had terminal cancer. She actually lived with my, DH and my DD. She passed just over 2 years ago. If you want to chat - please e-mail me
    mindy_rider@hotmail.com

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  4. Away2me7:39 AM

    Oh my friend I'm sorry things are still so difficult for you. I hope time heals ting up a bit, but I imagine it will always be painful. As for your brother, I don't know the details but I can sympathize a bit. I've got a half-bro that treats my dad like shit and it angers me so much. He just re-surfaced yesterday. Ugh...I don't even like thinking about it.

    Hang in there.

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  5. My dad died 2 1/2 years ago and I got tears in my eyes at the grocery store (thanks, Pabst blue ribbon beer) just today-before I read your post.

    But to answer your question, it started getting easier for me the second half of the first year. Then once you pass all the first holidays-father's day, his birthday, etc. and seeing the rest of your family move on helps too.

    I'm sorry about your loss.

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