Monday, October 24, 2005
Have we changed?
What has infertility done to us? My mother told me I have changed. Not in relation to infertility but in general. I attribute a large part of what she said to our battle with infertility... she disagrees (whole other topic). I realized that she just doesn't get it. She never has and she never will and, to be quite honest, I'm glad she doesn't get it. I'm glad my mother has never known (or will ever know) the pain I've been through. We bash fertiles for saying the wrong things to us, for making stupid remarks, etc. Think about it though... do we want them to understand? Truly understand? To truly understand would mean that they would have been through it themselves and I know I would never wish that upon anyone. So, to all of the fertiles that I love and have lashed out against, I'm sorry. I see myself as being a different person now. A little sadder, a little harder. I'm sure it's much deeper than just that but I just can't put it into words. I belong to a club I never thought I would join. Hell, I didn't know it existed. Once you join this club, you are never out. You may have children through luck, ART or adoption but once an infertile, always an infertile. But this club we belong to, look at the people who are part of it... I've met some of the most amazing women through this club. Friends who are going through ART like Cecily with a whopping 334 beta today, to Barb who, I truly believe, is one of my soulmates to my dear friend Liana who has been my voice of reason and an incredible source of strength. Just look at the list on the left side of this page - every single one of these bloggers have touched my heart and my soul. With the exception of a few blogs listed, these blogs deal with adoption, infertility or both. Thank you all for "getting it".