Monday, November 14, 2005

If you are related to Marc or I.....

You really should skip this post (unless you want to know more about our sex lives - in that case - please don't admit to having read this post). While we are waiting for our family members to run screaming from my blog... Check out my new guest map! It's really nice and can handle many more names so please sign in (even if you signed in before because I wasn't able to transfer them over). Thanks! ~looking around~ Ok, no relatives? Ok good...... I still feel like we are on the fertility roller coaster. Our sex life hasn't returned to normal yet and that has me worried. This isn't to say that I don't find Marc attractive or that he doesn't turn me on. Nothing can be further from the truth. I find him super hot and super sexy... it's me. I have to get my head away from feeling like I'm broken. Ah yes, something else to add to my "what to talk about in therapy" list. Marc and I have gotten ourselves into the habit of sex belongs in the bedroom. Except this one time, when we were first married, very overweight in a very small shower. Let's just say we were laughing too hard to have sex. Anyway, yesterday afternoon we finally got out of our rut and discovered that a roaring fire (yes, I know it was 65 degrees outside - who cares!) is a definite aphrodisiac. I love being close to him. I love making love to him. It's getting past my brain that is the tough part (once I'm past it I'm fine - it's just getting past it that is the hard part). So, fellow infertiles, how do you get past this? How do you get past the feelings of being broken or defective or whatever? How to you find your sexual self?

15 comments:

  1. January One5:58 PM

    Well, we're probably pretty boring compared to some - but I think my husband is the sexiest man alive and I can't get enough of him!

    That said - after all the fertility sex (which you know SUCKS!) and not in the good way - things were definitely made better by going back to condoms. It's like we're back to dating. ;-)

    I know it might not work for some, but it works for us. Something about COMPLETELY taking fertility out of the picture makes me completely hot.

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  2. January One5:59 PM

    Oh and technically, I'm not related. ;-)

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  3. Anonymous6:00 PM

    Implement a "no sex" rule. Say that for one month you will absolutely not have sex. You can cuddle and kiss and whatever else but no sex. It will take the pressure off both of you and I dare you to try and make it for a whole month. As soon as it is "forbidden" it makes it more attractive. I dunno why it works that way.

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  4. Sex? I think I remember that. Maybe I should light a fire here tonight. It's about 75 here right now but it might get cold enough to stoke a fire!

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  5. Even though were moving on to IVF (no sex required), it's still not right. We've started going on dates on the weekends. It hasn't quite improved our sex life yet, but it has been helping our relationship get back on track a bit.

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  6. Sex??? sadly that has been MIA around here for awhile. My hubby has low sex drive, and I think the male factor IF doesnt' help it too much. With all the love I get, I dont' complain about the sex.. but I'm looking forward to a little soon. :) mmmmm yeah, and frankly I dont' care WHERE it is. :)

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  7. Anonymous12:58 AM

    Hmmm. It's only MORE interesting when you are SINGLE and "broken"....LOL! Try not to imagine that too much....I'm so busy chasing my darling daughter, everything else is secondary now. YOU will see this too!! Soon!!

    All the best,
    Jen
    Mommy to the Amazing Addison Grace!

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  8. In our religion, we have "laws" concerning when we can have sex (you know, they don't call us "legalistic" for nothing!) When we were first married and wanted to jump like bunnies all the time, it was a real hardship to observe the "time off," which is approximately half of every month, or, the first two weeks beginning with the woman's menses. But now, I really see the wisdom in it and am so grateful for it. After a two week hiatus every month, we are both more than ready. That isn't to say that things are like they used to be--infertility HAS taken a toll, as has just getting older and having lower hormone levels.

    As for you missy, keep those hearthfires burning!

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  9. Anonymous11:38 AM

    We are just starting to get "back into it"....for us, it's lots of cuddles and kisses that helped us to think of sex as fun again. Even though IVF doesn't "time" sex, it still took quite a toll with the drugs, etc. When we first started dating and were engaged, I used to were lots of silky stuff, well I pulled it all out of the drawer and started again, it worked.

    Have fun....Chrissi

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  10. Not an infertile, but I do have the same kinds of problems. I really get into it once we've started, but it's hard for me to get motivated. Hubby, on the other hand could go every day, twice a day. It was starting to make me feel both guilty and resentful to constantly turn him away.
    We've just found a solution that seems to be working for us. We have a 'Plan'. We have scheduled sex into our week. There are two days that are earmarked.
    This helps because I have all day to get into the mood. And it helps because I don't feel like I've been coerced. Hubby loves it, he's getting sex at least twice a week (it's helped get me in the mood more often) without having to beg!

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  11. Anonymous3:32 PM

    It took some time to get back to normal for us, too. I really think it was just a relief not to have to deal with it for a while. Plus the stress of adoption does it's thing, too. Kevin and I made plans for a weekend away, even though neither of us wanted to go before we went to Guatemala to bring Bella home. There we discovered what we had before and that we were missing it. All was back to normal and great and then as soon as we brought Bella home, we were so busy and things were so new that it happened again. Or things had at least changed and lost their once fiery importance. One thing we did, as soon as we got home from Guatemala (last December 15th) thoroughly in love with Bella was make reservations for a weekend away in October, ten months later. We figured that we would so not want a moment away from her and that we would probably need it by then. If that trip hadn't of been already booked and paid for, we never would have gone. It was so hard to leave her for the weekend, but it was great to rediscover ourselves again. That's our strategy now, post dated trips so that no matter how busy we get or how busy with Bella we are, we have to take time alone together once in a while. I can tell from reading that you will be the same way and not want to leave that baby for anything. Anyways, good luck, and congratulations!
    Carrie
    (http://rdhdprincess.diaryland.com)

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  12. I'm relived to hear I am not alone. The past several years have taken such a toll on us as well. Lately we've started talking about how to perk things back up in the bedroom and talk it slowly turning into action....but we have a long way to go. I and thankful for the never-ending love of my wonderful hubby and look forward to re-kindling this part of our relationship. I'm not rushing or worrying...it's taking time, but we are getting there.

    I've always had a difficult time opening up about such topics...here I am announcing it to the world. LOL I'm glad to know I'm not alone.

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  13. I'm so glad to hear I'm not alone in feeling this way either! Our sex life has never been the same since going through IF. Now I feel like the adoption process is bringing us closer and making us a stronger couple but it hasn't helped us out in the bedroom.

    It sounds like others have gone through the same thing and are finding their way back to normal so there is hope for us too!

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  14. Well, if you do figure it out, will you let me know? My sex drive has vanished like Amelia Earhart...poooft! Gone!

    --Bugs

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  15. Clinical depression did for my sex drive what the Catholic church could only pray for! Since taking evening primrose oil and vitamin B6 it seems to be perking back up. And if I'm in the mood AT ALL I grab Little Mister by the collar and tell her "Quick! Now! Strike while the iron's hot!"

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