Happy New Year!

Wishing all my friends and readers a Happy & Healthy New Year. May all of your dreams come through in 2006. I hope you all get pregnant (that want to), bring home your babies from abroad, stay single, get married, get laid on a regular basis, make enough money to be comfortable and to share some with those less fortunate, bring home our boys and girls from Iraq safe and sound, lose the weight you've wanted to lose, gain the weight you've wanted to gain, get to the gym, be a little kinder to yourself, your famiy & friends, hit the lottery, save the world.... whatever it takes - make it a great year! Love, Julie :)

The Festival of Lights

I love Chanukah. It was my Grandfather's favorite holiday. He passed away on erev (the night before) Chanukah. While we were sitting shiva the lights went out during minyan. We took this as a sign that Grandpop was ready to light the Chanukah candles :) For those of you who don't know... Chanukah is the Festival of Lights. You can read the whole story Here. Last night I went spaving with my Mom. Spaving is spending + saving = spaving. At our local grocery store, if you spend a certain amount of money you get certain percentages off one entire grocery order. She got the maximum 50% off so we bought every bottle of formula (35 bottles) and 3 cases of diapers, 2 grosses of wipes and a ton of other stuff for under $200! Woo hoo! One of the other things Mom got was a Chanukia. The Chanukia is the candelabra that you use to light the Chanukah candles. She bought if for Dylan so last night we lit the candles on Dylan's own Chanukia. It was wonderful. Ok, Dylan's yelling for my attention. Catch you all later!

Sorry

After learning of someone else's experience publishing photos of their adoption child, I have decided to pull the pictures. If you are a regular and would like, I'd be happy to email you the photos. I'm sorry but I need to protect our son.

Our Journey to Dylan

December 5, 2005 - We awoke early and headed out the airport. This was it, we were going to get our son. We knew that later that day - we would finally hold him in our arms. You could tell we were excited because we actually left the house a little earlier than we had planned. We got to the airport early and it was mobbed! The lines moved swiftly and before we knew it, we were standing in front of our new best friend, Robert. Apparently the idiot at US Air who originally took our miles reservation only held the reservation - she didn't book the ticket. After a little work from our friend, we were headed to security.We got through security with enough time to grab some breakfast to bring onto the plane with us. We were held up a bit due to weather in North Carolina. By the time we reached Guatemala, we were already about an hour later than expected. We went through customs (it was a breeze) we headed over to get our luggage. The conveyer belt was broken so they started unloading by hand. These guys were incredible - lifting the bags like they din't weight a thing. After about 40 minutes, we learned that they had put out all of the luggage from our flight. Turns out our bags were still in North Carolina. Luckily we packed a bag with an extra set of clothes for me, Marc and Dylan so we weren't too concerned.While in line we met a lovely Guatemalan couple. They were horrified that belt was broken and our bags were lost and felt like it was an embarassment to them personally as Guatemalans. They were so kind and offered us a ride to the hotel. We declined only because we saw the shuttle to our hotel. NOTE TO PARENTS GOING TO PICK UP THEIR CHILD: Always pack a change of clothes for yourself, your SO & your child in your carry on luggage. Also pack some extra diapers for the baby, PJ's, etc. This way if your bags get lost, you are covered. The Westin in Guatmala is fantastic! The have a floor just for families with a little family room with a sofa, toys for the kids, a microwave, a sink and a bottle purifier. When parents have left overs (food, formula, diapers, etc.) it is left in the cabinets. I thought it was pretty funny that there wre a few bottles of wine too!We had gotten to the hotel too late for the attorney's office to bring Dylan to us so we had to wait till 11:00 a.m. the next day. We went out to eat outside the hotel at Taco Inn (very tasty for those of you going), had a few beers and went to bed. December 6, 2005 - Marc and I are normally early risers so we decided to explore the area around the hotel and went for a long walk. We had breakfast and waited for 11:00 a.m. to roll around. And we waited and we waited and finally emailed the agency at 11:30 that we were getting worried. Apparently our attorney was behind schedule and would be by at 2:00 p.m. with Dylan and his foster Mom. AAACCCKK So we waited and waited and at 2:00 p.m. our phone rang. It was RM (the attorney) and she was in the lobby with our boy. We ran down to the lobby and we knew him on sight. He was even more beautiful than his photos. He smiled when he saw us and we just melted! Neither of us cried - I think we were in shock that this day was finally here. We met his wonderful foster mom. Unfortunately, his foster dad couldn't join us. They gave us a small photo album and you could really tell how much they loved him. She even called us in the hotel the next day to check on him. The rest of the day we just got to know our boy. How he likes to be held, how he likes us to hold his bottle, etc. He showed us how he makes rasberries and how much he likes it when we make them on his belly and neck and toes. We were told that the Westin had strollers that you could borrow (leave a $5 deposit that you would get back when you return the stroller). What we hadn't counted on is them running out of them. We ended up carrying him everywhere and he sat on our laps when we ate. I actually learned to eat right handed! December 7, 2005 - Embassy time! Our appointment was at 7:45 a.m. so M & her son (M works for our attorney) picked us up at 7:00 a.m. along with another family and took us to the Embassy. After going through security we were brought into a room. M told us that we would hear our names called and that we were number 10 in line. Just go to room 8 and she would wait for us there. After about 40 minutes our name was called. We went into room 8 which was really tiny. Like a brook closet with 2 chairs and a big window. We were sworn in and asked a bunch of basic questions. The lady behind the glass stamped our paperwork and told us we would be called to window 5 in a little while. We went back into the room and waited. About 30 minutes later we were called to the window and told to sign a few documents and we were done. We could pick up the visa on Thursday at 3:30 p.m. Actually, the attorney's office picks it up so we were pretty much done w/the Embassy. We were not able to leave the hotel because we had no identification for Dylan as the Embassy keeps his passport and they don't want us to leave the hotel w/out his identification. We just hung out and relaxed and got to know each other, had dinner in the Italian Restaurant in the hotel. The chef came out and introduced himself and wished us well. Then a couple sat down across from us and we chatted about Guatemala and the adoption. It was lovely. After dinner we just went back to the room and went to bed. Dylan gets up once or twice during the night for his bottle but then goes right back to sleep. December 8, 2005 - After breakfast, M's son, C picked us and another couple up and took us to a craft market near the airport. I guess with C with us, there was no concerns about being stopped with the babies and being asked for ID. We shopped for some things to take home for Dylan. We got a little puppet, some material to be made into a Tallis for him and a hand woven sling to carry him in (that we couldn't use because the dye was rubbing off on both of us). He brought us back to the hotel and told us that either he or his mom would be back w/our Visa's. We just hung out in our room until 4:00 when they called us with the Visas. We were done. All we needed to do now was wait till Saturday for our flight. We had dinner at the buffet restaurant in the hotel and... you guessed it... went to bed. Deceber 9, 2005 - We had the whole day to ourselves with nothing to do but enjoy ourselves. At this point we still didn't have a stroller and our backs were sore from carrying him so we went to the mall 3 blocks from the hotel, went to the department store and bought a stroller. It's a Graco and it was perfect! We walked around the area surrounding the hotel. When we got back to the hotel, it was sunny and warm so we headed off to the pool. Dylan enjoyed it but as soon as we got into the pool, the sun went behind the clouds so we had to bring him out. He feel asleep in his stroller so we were able to just relax by the pool for a while. That night we went out again to the Tacotento (sp?) restaurant down the street from the hotel for dinner. It was wonderful because Dylan was able to hang out in his stroller while we ate. Then it was back to the hotel to rest up for our trip the next day.December 10, 2005 - up early with Dylan. We packed up, ate breakfast and then called to the bellman to get our bags. We ran into the woman we had met in the Italian Restaurant again and she was telling us how wonderful Dylan is (um, duh!). Anyway, she went on to tell us that she had met a gay couple who had adopted and wasn't that horrible! We explained that we knew several gay couples who have adopted and feel it is a wonderful thing. Man, she took off like a bat out of hell! On to the airport we went and, after a slight delay in checking in (when we arranged for Dylan to come home - we gave the name "Dylan" instead of his birth name which is on the passport), we went to our terminal. The stroller proved to be invaluable - we were able to put some of our luggage in the basket under the seat. While waiting we met a couple who had just visited with their son. The wife was very teary while looking at Dylan. She explained that she had gotten her referral when her son was 2 days old. They hadn't wanted to do a visit trip but since it was his first birthday (yes, you read that right) they felt it was the right thing to do. The poor woman was in tears and my heart was breaking for her. It's all about her agency - they refuse to answer her questions as to what is going on and when her or her husband push things she is told that if they don't keep their mouth shut they will lose their referral and will never be able to adopt from Guatemala again. So very sad. We were very fortunate in that the woman checking us in at the airport decided to book us so that we had an isle and a window seat and the seat in between us was empty. This was wonderful because Dylan managed to fall asleep just after take off. We were able to lay him down across the seat which made for a very comfortable trip for the tree of us. Of course Dylan decided, after he woke up, to have the most toxic diaper known to man. When I was getting out of my seat in order to change him he tipped over in the seat and scratched his face. I was so upset with myself. He didn't even wimper. I have to say that the changing table in the bathroom was perfect. Just wide enough and long enough that I didn't have to worry about him falling over (he likes to grab his toes and roll onto his side when I change his diaper). As we were landing in Charlotte, the pilot came over the loudspeaker and reminded the passengers that cameras and recording devices were not allowed in customs and, if anyone was caught using them, they would be confiscated. He then said (dryly) "Welcome to America". All of the Americans on the flight got a good laugh out of that. We were very unsure of what happens next. We knew that we had to give this package to customs but we weren't sure where. Basically, when you go through regular customs, there are two lines, one for Americans and the other for "others". We were told to go to the "others" line. We were called up to the customs agent and a supervisor was walking by and mentioned that she hadn't seen any adoption kids come through. I laughed and said that we have one here. She wished us many blessings. The customs agent processed us and took our paperwork and told us to go through to the next area. The security guard in the next spot was a real asshole. He wanted some blue card that the customs agent took from us. We explained that we didn't have it - that she had taken it with the rest of our documents. He kept insisting that we had it till finally he just waved us through and told us we needed to go over to immigration (most people just passed straight through - we had to go to the area to the left). We met with a lovely guard there who asked us to leave our luggage and wait in a room - he said they'd come and get us. Another family (who was in line behind us at customs with 4 kids) joined us in the room. They were Guatemalan but there was a problem with one of their son's visas. We chatted, I changed Dylan into his pj's and, after about 10 minutes a guard came in and handed us Dylan's passport and welcomed us all to America. Then came the dash.. we had to recheck our luggage and run through the airport (thank Gd for the stroller) to make our flight. Turns out we had the time wrong and we had enough time to grab a bite to eat and call a few family members to let them know we were in.We jumped on the next flight and he fussed a bit (bitch in th neat seat was giving us dirty looks - I told Marc I was tempted to let him cry for the entire flight). He fell asleep right before takeoff and then woke up right before landing. We were home. We got our luggage, hopped on the shuttle, got our car (Marc played Tetris with the luggage - and did an amazing job) and came home. It was an incredible experience. I definately want to go back to Guatemala and travel around the country. The people were so very kind to us. We really didn't experience any of the anti-adoption sentiment that we hear so much about. There was one woman at the hotel who was giving us very dirty looks but that could also be because we didn't have him all bundled up (he hates being hot). Now we are home, safe and sound, Dylan is rolling around on the living room floor making rasberries at the cats as they walk by. I don't think I've ever been so happy!

Home

We are home. The doctor came in this afternoon and told us that all tests were negative and, after taking an infant CPR course, we could go home. It consisted of watching a video w/the nurse and practicing on the baby dummy (not very pc I know). We are home. I stink to high heaven but that's ok cause Dylan is sitting next to me. He'll be on anti-seizure drugs for a while but it's ok. As long as he's safe and healthy. I can't thank you enough for all of your kind words and prayers and good thoughts. They really helped Marc and I thought this.

Thank you!

Thank you all for your kind words. We had a completely uneventful night. Dylan got up at 4:15 a.m. w/Marc and ate a whole bunch of formula. Then he ate again with me at 6:30 a.m. and again at 9:00 a.m. and he's been sleeping since (it's 11:00 a.m.) We are leaving the PICU today to the neuro floor. We may be home as soon as tomorrow. Big prayers going out to Soud and her new baby and family. They are going through a similar situation. We hope you are all ok. We love you all!

Needing some prayers/good thoughts/vibes, etc.

Yesterday morning, Marc went to the gym and I got up to feed Dylan his first bottle of the morning. All of a sudden he went very stiff and was staring at me definantly. I laughed and told him to cut it out. Then he started to shake. I realized he wasn't be stubborn, he was having a seizure. I called 911 and then I called the gym and told them to have Marc call home. The police arrived shortly thereafter and so did the ambulance. Very long story short, he had a seizure in the hospital near our home, then in the ambulance that transferred him to the Children's Hospital in the next city over, then he had two seizures in the ER at the children's hospital. He's stable - they think it's a virus. He's had a CT scan, spinal tap, tons of bloodwork and is currently undergoing an MRI. I know Dylan will be okay but your prayers, good thoughts, healthy vibes would be most appreciated.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

I guess the proper color for a 4th wedding anniversary is pink! We have are scheduled to meet with Embassy on Wed. We fly out Monday and, depending on how we do with the airlines - expect to be back no later than Saturday (hoping for Friday). Everyone is freaking out - trying to book our flight - book the hotel - buy a carseat - buy a gift for the foster mom - AAAACCCKKKKKK!!!!!

To the love of my life

It's 4:30 p.m. This time four years ago I was about to walk down the isle to meet you. Four years ago today, we became husband and wife. You have been my life, my love, my heart and my soul and now we will add "father of my son" to that list. We have been through so much over the past four years. Lots of good, some bad, always together and always laughing.

We've traveled the world together. We've had adventures here at home. Always together.

I love you more than anything baby! Happy Anniversary!

Can't do anything the easy way can I???

Just got back from the doctor's office. I have viral bronchitis and a touch of walking pneumonia. She gave me an inhaler which I can fill and a script for antibiotics that she asked me to wait a week to fill (in case I heal on my own without them). I've been coughing so much today my chest is killing me. Ok, I'm done feeling sorry for myself - need a happy post.

Here we go again!

What is it with the Netherlands and anonymous posting? I appreciate that there are people who feel that circumcise is wrong. I'd love to hear your point of view. However, no posting and running. Please either leave me a valid email address or blog so that we can have an intelligent discussion. Anyone? Bueller?

While it sucks

and I do appreciate your support, I'd like to let it drop now.

Don't worry

I'm not locking down. I was angry because someone I allowed to read my blog decided to use it against me and turn things out of context. I'm not going away and I'm not locking down. I won't be forced to go into hiding.

Private Blogging

I'm considering creating a private blog that is password protected. Please don't ask why. I know that blogspot doesn't offer that - can someone tell me who does? Yep - it's my turn to ask questions.

Reader Questions

From Marisa - I do! I do! At the risk of setting off a firestorm... we've been discussing the circumcision question for months. There's (obviously) strong religions tradition at play (which my partner and I share with you), and there there are also the people who say it's an unnecessary risk, done for cosmetic reasons and tradition. We're feeling really torn about it. Julie, do you mind sharing what was behind your decision to do it? Religious tradition? Health reasons? Something else altogether? Our decision wasn't that difficult. All of the men in both of our families have been circumcised. We spoke with my sister-in-law who is a pediatrician about the medical risks, we discussed the issues he may have psychologically (most children are still circumcised - do we want him to stand out in that respect?). We decided that for both religious and psychological reasons - we wanted to have this done. From Amy - Ha ha Chrissi is cracking me up! And I can kind of relate to that, being married to a man from England, where they also don't typically circ (and who is also adamantly against it - but I personally believe that whatever anyone wants to do is just fine and most certainly not up to me). Although in this forum I didn't mean to set off a circ debate. I assumed that you two would circ for religious reasons and wanted to know what you two were planning on doing. I think it's very interesting. Can you explain to us what a Mikvah is? Thanks! Don't worry about Amy - I had a feeling this may touch off a bit of a discussion. A Mikvah is a ritual bath. It is used at various times in a Jewish person's life. In Dylan's case, we will use the Mikvah as part of the conversion process. As more questions are asked, I will either post them here or start a new one :)

A Little Q&A

My dear friend, Amy asked me a few questions that I thought (actually - she mentioned) it would be good to answer here. 1. Was Dylan circumcised in Guatemala? No. Guatemala is a Catholic country and they, typically, do not circumcise their boys. 2. In the event he was not circumcised - how is it handled here (from the religious standpoint as well as medical). When Dylan is a little older - we will have the procedure done in a hospital. We will also have a bris for him. Instead of the Moyl doing the actual procedure, Dylan will have his finger pricked to symbolize the bloodletting. These will take place several months from now for two reasons. First of all, doctors prefer to wait till a child is at least, I believe, 8 months old to do an older baby circumcision. Second, we don't want to overwhelm him with the procedure and the bris celebration. We want him to adjust to being home first. We will also take him through a conversion which will include bringing him to the Mikvah. So.... who has questions?

Wholly Shit! a/k/a You Learn Something New Every Day

Got into the office bright and early. Went through my emails. Was just catching up on a few blogs when that little box popped up on my screen... "You Have Mail". I opened the email and it was from the social worker - a new photo of Dylan! But, what's this? At the bottom of the email I see a note from the liason that says... "Passport Baby Foxx". HUH????? I opened the photo and there it was, a copy of our son's passport. Now, I did a little thinking (and researching)... in order to get the passport, you must have the birth certificate right? Yep - we have a birth certificate (turns out he wasn't born in Guatemala City like we thought). I'm thinking we should have pink in the next 24-48 hours. We WILL have our boy home by Chanukah!

You've heard of drunk dialing???

How about drunk blogging (snicker). Yep - after a few beers at the local bar where Marc and I had dinner and watched a little football and then, after coming home (I only had a few beers so I drove and then proceeded to have a few glasses of wine), I decided to post. ADOPTION PEOPLE - come here a second (told you I was drunk). Ok, you need to go to Target. No, not later, now! It's not too bad yet with the holiday shopping. Why is it at the end of the month and no one told me that Target was celebrating National Adoption Month??? Why did I discover this last night and not earlier?? Can I just say that Target (Tarje' as my Mom calls it) is my new favorite place in the whole wide world? Marc and I decided to stop and pick up a few things for Dylan and as we approached the check out counter there was a little corner thingie with adoption books. There were only two left. One was geared toward adoptions from China and the other was generic. It was wonderful. It wasn't geared toward domestic or international. It wasn't geared toward single, hetero couple or gay couple. EVERYONE was included. I stood in the middle of the isle in Target, reading this book with Marc and got very very emotional. Very excited. I'm too lazy to remember the name of the book right now (ok - too drunk) but it was based on an adoption song and if you really want to know, tell me and I'll post the name. So... after our little dinner thing at the bar, we came home and Marc built me a pretty awesome fire in the fireplace where I proceeded to roast a half a bag of marshmellows. You know how people say that if you deny your kids things that they will overindulge as adults? That's me... roasted marshmellows. Of course, my denial in the roasted marshmellow world is my parents would yell at me for roasting marshmellows over the flame of our gas stove. One of the millions of reasons I love my darling husband... he did the same thing when he was kid. Where's my Wessel??? I am thinking of you my friend. I hope you are well and know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. My Dearest JanuaryOne (knitting readers - check out her uber awesome blog www.januaryone.com). I'm so sorry I missed you. I heard my brother and your sister surprised everyone. I figured the little germ monkeys would be enough without me adding to the mix. I hope you will come down to meet Dylan. Time to see if my team won. Marc was cheering quite loudly a little while ago and since we were ahead, I hope it means we clinched it :)

AAAAHHHHCCCHHHOOOOOO!!!!

Yeah, that's been my Thanksgiving. Coughing up a lung and sneezing all over everything. I missed Thanksgiving dinner at my brother's house (which I heard was amazing) but, on the flip side, my wonderful husband made us our own little dinner. I have so much to be thankful for this year... here's a little list (just the tip of the iceberg)... My wonderful husband, Marc who is my rock, my life, my love My beautiful son-to-be, Dylan My beautiful son-to-be's birth mother My family who puts the fun back into dysfunctional My sister the Princess because she reminds me of what it is like to be young My dear friends Joelle & Jenn because they just get it My soul sister, Barb, because it was all meant to be My blog friends - because you've all been there, done that and have a few too many tee shirts to show for it My job because they are the greatest group of people I've ever had the honor of working with and for My cats, Saffron & Shadow, because no mater what I shit I am, they love me I'm thankful that this outlet of blogging exists. It has helped keep me sane during some pretty insane times. Oh, and I'm thankful 91x in San Diego is doing a webcast of their Sunday show today so I can enjoy some good 80's music while I write this :)

I think this is my favorite quiz!

Dawn Summers 81% amorality, 81% passion, 63% spirituality, 63% selflessness

Dawn is a person driven by her love for her friends and her desire to make a difference. Perhaps you are, too. You're willing to do whatever is necessary to do what is right for those you care about, and sometimes this can get you in a little bit of trouble. Most of all, however, you have a heart of gold. Congratulations! If you enjoyed this test, I would love the feedback! Also, you might want to check out some of my other tests if you're interested in the following: Nerds, Geeks & Dorks Professional Wrestling Love & Sexuality America/Politics Thanks Again! -- THE 4-VARIABLE BUFFY PERSONALITY TEST

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 94% on morality You scored higher than 88% on repose You scored higher than 50% on spirituality You scored higher than 80% on selflessness

Link: The 4-Variable Buffy Personality Test written by donathos on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test -------------------------------------------------------------

Much thanks to Shelli for the link!

WWWHHHHEEEEE!!!!!

We got Dylan's furniture! Here's the crib... And here is the dresser... We also got the glider but I didn't have time to take the plastic off and photograph it so I'll do that later :)

Why are people so stupid??

Last night, to celebrate our good fortune, Marc and I went to the movies. Actually, we were given a free pass to see "Walk The Line" by a friend and it was hosted by a local radio station. They had a Johnny Cash cover band which played two songs and then stopped. Then they announced.... "Is anyone a doctor or nurse, we have a medical emergency down here". A man sitting in the front section was basically dying. Years ago I had taken CPR and even had to use it once. Since no one appeared to be helping I ran down to the front. When I got there a woman asked me if I was medically trained and I told her just basic CPR. Turns out... she was a nurse. I immediately backed off and told her to just let me know if she needed me to do anything. She asked me to try to find the pulse which I did but it was very very faint. During this time there were two women who were screaming directions at the nurse. I finally asked them if either of them were medical personnel - they said no so I told them to shut the fuck up and one of them sat down. Another woman came over - she was a cardiac care nurse. Meanwhile, the staff at Loews was just standing around. They opened the emergency door and just fucking stood there. The cardiac nurse was screaming for a mouth piece to do CPR. I ran over to one person who said "I'm just security - I don't actually work here", another person said there was a mouth piece in the first aid kit so I told her to go get it. She then proceeded to tell her little whipping boy to get it. She knew where it was but sent him instead - I don't believe he came back. The poor cardiac nurse was crying her eyes out because she was doing mouth to mouth on a strange man with a history of medical issues (which were unknown specifically what they were by his companion - a neighbor) and she had no idea if this man has hepatitis or another communicable disease! The ambulance arrived (very quickly but it felt like forever) and I realize that the bands speakers are plugged into the wall and the cables are across the path of where the gurney had to go - I just looked at the staff, they didn't move so I told them to get out of the fucking way, pulled the cable and made sure they had a clear path. All this time, the stupid crackwhore is trying to tell the nurses (and then the medical staff) what to do. This person wasn't a health care professional, she didn't know the man... just was just a busy body. If you are ever in this situation and you are not trained, either be on hand to help out those that are medical personnel or shut the fuck up and sit down and mind your own business. If that had been my friend or family member - that woman would have been drop kicked across the theater!

Appropriate No?

You're a punk rock mommy! DIY is probably your
motto, because you're a punk mama at heart.
Your kids are getting your independent spirit
and guts, and learning to solve problems
themselves. You love it when they show their
independence, even when it's breaking your
heart.

What kind of a freaky mother are you?
brought to you by Quizilla Much love and thanks to Shelli for this very appropriate quiz!

WE'RE IN LABOR FOLKS!

Quick! Boil Water, Get Some Clean Towels, Some Newspapers!!!! WE ARE OUT OF PGN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Guatemala has approved the adoption. We are waiting on his birth certificate and then we travel and bring our son home! AAAACCCKKKKK!!!!!!!

This one is for my darling husband!

Fun at the Titty Twister. Which B-Movie Badass Are You? brought to you by

If you are related to Marc or I.....

You really should skip this post (unless you want to know more about our sex lives - in that case - please don't admit to having read this post). While we are waiting for our family members to run screaming from my blog... Check out my new guest map! It's really nice and can handle many more names so please sign in (even if you signed in before because I wasn't able to transfer them over). Thanks! ~looking around~ Ok, no relatives? Ok good...... I still feel like we are on the fertility roller coaster. Our sex life hasn't returned to normal yet and that has me worried. This isn't to say that I don't find Marc attractive or that he doesn't turn me on. Nothing can be further from the truth. I find him super hot and super sexy... it's me. I have to get my head away from feeling like I'm broken. Ah yes, something else to add to my "what to talk about in therapy" list. Marc and I have gotten ourselves into the habit of sex belongs in the bedroom. Except this one time, when we were first married, very overweight in a very small shower. Let's just say we were laughing too hard to have sex. Anyway, yesterday afternoon we finally got out of our rut and discovered that a roaring fire (yes, I know it was 65 degrees outside - who cares!) is a definite aphrodisiac. I love being close to him. I love making love to him. It's getting past my brain that is the tough part (once I'm past it I'm fine - it's just getting past it that is the hard part). So, fellow infertiles, how do you get past this? How do you get past the feelings of being broken or defective or whatever? How to you find your sexual self?

Me? A Monster????

Your Monster Profile

Infamous Professor You Feast On: Bananas You Lurk Around In: Candy Factories You Especially Like to Torment: Republicans

What's Your Monster Name?

Ramblings

I'm sad for my friend Liana. She lost her Mom yesterday morning. I can't even imagine what she must be feeling or what she is going through right now. It's such a big fear of mine... losing my parents. I know that it's part of life but it scares me. I also just found out that one of my friends got her period after her 3rd IVF. My heart aches for her and her husband. I don't know if she reads my blog but T, you are in my thoughts and in my prayers. ------------------------------------- I'm in so much pain today. I hired a trainer yesterday to create a new workout for me (I was bored with the old one). Of course I asked my girl crush, H, do train me. Oh, have I mentioned I have a crush on one of the trainers in my gym? She's so freaking hot it's not funny (as Marc said, you could bounce a half dollar off this woman's ass). Now, she's not hot in the pornstar kinda way, she's hot in the fitness kinda way (does that make sense?). On top of that, she is super cool and very sweet. Well, she kicked my ass so I'm not sure if I still have a crush on her or not. I'll let you know when my poor muscles heal.

Doing the Update Dance!

We are out of family court and have pre-approval! We should be in PGN today. What this all means is we are one step closer to bringing our boy home. Our social worker is thinking that we will be traveling in January to get him. I hope it's December and she said it's possible. Unlikely, but possible.

Sorry

Sorry I haven't been around. I've been playing with the twins all week and, when they weren't around, doing shit around the house and running crazy errands. OMG - my friends made themselves some beautiful babies! They are so well behaved and so sweet. Last night I was feeding the little boy and he was breaking my heart. Just grabbed my finger and held it against his little face as he drank his bottle. My friends are very cool and let Marc and I do things that other friends have never thought to let us do like put them into their carseat. Hey - we need all of the practice we can get! Speaking of Dylan... we got a new photo and he's laughing his beautiful little butt off. He's up to 14.2lbs and is just growing like a weed. I miss him so much it hurts. Imagine that... missing someone you've never met. Bonding with someone you've never spoken to or even touched. This boy has touched me - he's touched my heart and my soul. We are out of family court and just waiting on pre-approval from the US Embassy so that we can move forward into PGN (Guatemalan version of the Attorney General's Office) for approval. Then it's birth certificate, pink and then we travel. I'll blog more over the weekend :)

WE'RE RICH!

My blog is worth $3,951.78.
How much is your blog worth?

Now, how it came up with that number... I have to go back and read how it's computed. We are waiting on my friends. The asshats at USA 3000 have sent the twins carseats to Pittsburgh. Ok, if that's bad enough... the asshat manager tells my friends "it's ok to take them in a car without carseats - if you get pulled over, just tell them we sent the carseats were sent to Pittsburgh, you won't get a ticket. Um, ok - then what about if there is an accident you mutherfuckingstupidasshole???? They are sooooo lucky I wasn't there! The TSA would have had their officers there in a heartbeat when I start screaming at that idiot. My darling friends are waiting for their seats to be delivered (coming in on another flight) so that they can beging their adventures here.

**Can't**Stop**Laughing!!!!!!

OMG - you have to read Karen's latest post over at Naked Ovary. I just about pee'd myself laughing!

Ahhhh therapy

Therapy is a beautiful thing :) I went back to my therapist last night. Gd I missed her! She always knows the right thing to say, the right hand out to give me (she is the total queen of the handouts!) and knows my family so my sessions are just a little bit easier. She has also been given my url so Debbie, if you're reading this.... Hi!! The one thing that has really stayed with me all day and has me very excited is the idea of "Staying In Your Own Business". It's based on a book by Byron Katie and just has me floating on air. Go read the part I've highlighted - go ahead, I'll wait - it's on page 3. I am determined to work on Staying in My Own Business. I think my life will be a little easier if I can master this skill. So.... I just have to say..... THE BABIES ARE COMING THE BABIES ARE COMING!!! My friends who just had twins (4 months old) are coming to stay with us for a while. They live in Florida and rode out the Cat 4 Hurricaine. Their house is ok - just a bit of damage but they have no power so we get to play with Bob & Alyssa and the twins. If I can manage to get their permission, there may be some photos in it for all of you! I have to admit, I did feel a little weird at the prospect of other children sleeping in Dylan's room before he did (please - no battles - there is no crib to fight over) but that was just a fleeting thing. My incredibly wonderful sister-in-law is lending us her pack-n-play and they are bringing toys and such. Yaaayyyyy - babies in the hizouse!

~insert commercial here~

We interrupt this blog to bring you this little commercial. If you are in the NY area (or have friends or family in the area), my best friend, Jennifer, is teaching a really cool cooking class. It's being held at the Skirball Center" (it's the "From Culture to Cuisine" class. Go - learn - eat - have fun!! We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog.

Have we changed?

What has infertility done to us? My mother told me I have changed. Not in relation to infertility but in general. I attribute a large part of what she said to our battle with infertility... she disagrees (whole other topic). I realized that she just doesn't get it. She never has and she never will and, to be quite honest, I'm glad she doesn't get it. I'm glad my mother has never known (or will ever know) the pain I've been through. We bash fertiles for saying the wrong things to us, for making stupid remarks, etc. Think about it though... do we want them to understand? Truly understand? To truly understand would mean that they would have been through it themselves and I know I would never wish that upon anyone. So, to all of the fertiles that I love and have lashed out against, I'm sorry. I see myself as being a different person now. A little sadder, a little harder. I'm sure it's much deeper than just that but I just can't put it into words. I belong to a club I never thought I would join. Hell, I didn't know it existed. Once you join this club, you are never out. You may have children through luck, ART or adoption but once an infertile, always an infertile. But this club we belong to, look at the people who are part of it... I've met some of the most amazing women through this club. Friends who are going through ART like Cecily with a whopping 334 beta today, to Barb who, I truly believe, is one of my soulmates to my dear friend Liana who has been my voice of reason and an incredible source of strength. Just look at the list on the left side of this page - every single one of these bloggers have touched my heart and my soul. With the exception of a few blogs listed, these blogs deal with adoption, infertility or both. Thank you all for "getting it".

Happy Friday

Woke up early - went to spinning class and got my first official spin injury. I have no idea what I did but I tweeked my shoulder and neck and had to leave class early. GRRRRR On a happy note - we are having our company happy hour tonight and I think they will be announcing my promotion. Yay! My boss also mentioned we may be going the local strip joint after so Marc will be happy (lots of boobies - YaY!). Hopefully will be a very low key weekend. Found out today that there has been some staff changes at the Embassy which is probably why we haven't gotten our pre-approval yet. Apparently they are working on the ones from 9/6 (we are 9/20) so hopefully won't be too much longer. Have a great weekend blogland!

~waving~

Hi Brio :)

I love Tracksy.com

"What does Bangarang mean" That was a google search that brought someone to my site. I know I was on someone's site recently and gave a very excited "Bangarang" response to some good news. Want to know what Bangarang means??? Go rent Hook. ____ Ok - will the person who came to my site after doing a search on the Legendary Wid please delurk. The Wid is one of my favorite comedians and I'd love to say hi to a fellow fan. ____ Ok, which one of you sick fucks did a searh on "naked in the stirrups"?? Inquiring minds want to know. ____ On a side note. I had dinner w/my Mom the other night and we worked through a lot of things. I think we are on the road to recovery.

Everybody... Join me in the Happy Dance

Cecily pee'd on the stick and got those beautiful lines to show up! Please go over and wish her a healthy & easy pregnancy.

AAAAAAAACCCCCCCKKKKKKK!!!!!

Cecily is testing soon! Everyone say a prayer, send good vibes, happy thoughts, run to the nearest wishing well and throw every piece of change you have in for our Cecily. I hope she gets her BFP and has a wonderful nine months. Prayers coming your way my friend. Lots and Lots of them!

Morris' Mommy Is Moving

If you live in the PA/NJ/DE area and love kitties... (from a friend of mine) I am moving out of the country at the end of November and I can not take my friend, Morris. He is loving – he is declawed and fixed. He is 17 years old, in good health and does not act his age. Please help me find a good home. I am willing to pay for his food and litter for six months if I someone can take him in. I have great photos that I can't seem to upload so if you are in the area and are interested, please leave me a comment and I will email you back my friend's contact information and photos.

It's amazing what an hour or so

of cuddling can do to one's emotional well being. This morning the alarm went off at 5:15 a.m. The house was freezing because the windows were open and we were snuggled up under our big down comforter. I moved to get up and Marc just grabbed me and snuggled up and told me that we didn't have to go to the gym today. We just laid in bed, snuggled up, occasionally beating the shit out of the alarm clocks. When I finally managed to peel myself away from him I felt recharged. My depression lifted a bit. My physical pain had subsided (been suffering from major reflux) and just felt stronger. Go figure - a day I don't work out - I feel like I could take on the world. I'm having dinner with my Mom tonight. Tonight I will learn why I have been getting the cold shoulder. As a good friend pointed out... I need to stop worrying about the "why" of things. I worked on that last night. I'm trying to let go of the "why" and I think it's helping me not worry about tonight. There is nothing I can do about the why - only how I react to it. Hopefully my therapist will call me back today to schedule an appointment.

A little lightness....

Thanks to my friend Suby (aka Cathy) on the weight watcher's GDT board today for this lovely quote.... I'd rather go to the gyno than the dentist, but of course, when I go to the gyno, I know in advance how many cavities there are. Amen Sister!

Hurting

I suck. I am a terrible daughter. A terrible sister. Why? I don't know. I must. My family wants nothing to do with me. When I speak to my mom, she's cold as ice. My sister didn't call me on my birthday. Neither did my Dad or brother. All I can think of is my birthday. I wanted to have a nice dinner at home with my family. My Mom said I shouldn't have to cook and I told her Marc would cook. She told me she would cook and bring it here. When I found out that my brother wasn't coming (I had to call him, 4pm the night before the dinner) he made some very lame excuse as to why he couldn't come. I told my Mom and she announced that we would go out. I told her that's not what I wanted and I was basically told "tough shit". Being my usually self, I agreed but I told her I didn't want fancy. My father called to tell me what restaurant and I told him I didn't want to go there. Again.. tough shit. Again, like a pussy I agreed to go. Service sucked, the food sucked and my sister spent most of evening on her cell phone. My mom busted on me (as she loves to do). I told her that I really wanted them to come over for cake and coffee. Half way through dinner she tells me she doesn't want to come over and that she'll come over the next day. NO! I want them to come over Saturday. The stayed for maybe 20 minutes at that. Long enough to have cake and coffee and out the door they went. Before they left I told my Mom I wanted to sleep in and not to all and wake me. She called at 11:00 a.m. the next day to wish me a very cold happy birthday and told me she wouldn't be singing to me because I asked her not to. I have no idea what is going on. I'm so tired of the passive aggressive bullshit. I'm tired of every little comment, every little action creating drama. Walking on eggshells so not to offend anyone. I can't relax, I'm always worried about upsetting people. I have a very highly developed level of guilt and I really need to get over it otherwise it's a legacy I will pass on to Dylan. Something I desperately don't want to do. To say I am suffering from depression is putting it mildly. The only way I have been able to hold it together has been with Marc' support and dreams of Dylan. First thing Monday morning I am calling my therapist. It's been years since I've seen her but I am having such a hard time dealing that I need to borrow some of her strength. This is why I haven't been blogging much. The promotion has taken so much of my energy that by the time I get home, I just want to eat dinner and go to bed. It's sad. I haven't been able to enjoy this time in my life. It's been something I've always dreamed of and I'm just miserable.

Sorry I've been MIA

I've been trying to get my head around some family shit since this past weekend and I'm just not ready to talk about it yet. I've also been training someone new in my department so that has been taking up a ton of time and energy - by the time I get home... I'm wiped out! The new guy is doing well and my promotion will be announced at the end of this month. Yikes!!! Yesterday we were in a meeting and my brain detatched and said to me "What the fuck is going on here? You.. A manager... Are you kidding me???" So many times I've worked for companies that told me that I would advance quickly only to be knocked down. My current company? Tell them where you want to go and they will help you get there. How cool is that?? I have to call my agency today. I think there is a conspiracy going on. Barb just got her DNA match and her son was wearing my son's outfit! We think they may be foster brothers. I'm waiting to call the agency to find out if it could be true. I may not be posting a lot over the next few days - I want to get a handle on myself and what is going on in my head plus I have Yom Kipper to deal with. For my Jewish friends, have an easy fast and I'll catch you all on the flip side.

On a positive note...

It's Friday, the weekend is about to begin and I'm just about done work. This is my birthday weekend and it's the last birthday I'll have without a child. This weekend it's all about me! I'm having dinner with my family on Saturday night and Sunday, Marc and I are going to a nice romantic dinner somewhere nice (it's a surprise, I'll let you all know on Monday). Remember, we all get out of the world what we put into it. If you put out negative vibes and evil thoughts, that is what will come back to you. If you put out positive vibes and good thoughts, that is what will come back to you as well so.... what's it going to be?? Be kind to yourself and others. Do at least one thing a day to make yourself laugh and at least two things a day to make others laugh. It's hard to be mad or sad when you have a case of the giggles. This concludes my granola chunchy entry. Have a great weekend!

Blog Drama

It never ceases to amaze me how some people get so caught up in drama. There is some drama that you have to get caught up in. I can understand when it involves your family, your close friends (even some not so close - real life acquaintances even fall into this category), your job, your home, etc. but when we are talking cyberspace.... that's a whole different ballpark. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not referring to spirited discussions that take place on various blogs over whether or not breastfeeding should be allowed in public or whether to allow a child to cry it out. These are conversations. People voicing their opinion in hopes that maybe, just maybe they will sway someone over to their side of the fence. No, I'm talking about he said she said bullshit and people leaving nasty comments on each others blogs over stupid bullshit. Oh, and this isn't just on blogs... I see it on boards too (hi WW peeps!). I'm not saying I'm high and mighty and I don't get worked up when some ignorant asshole calls me fat and ugly (oh wait, I deleted that post didn't I?) but I get over it quickly enough. Readers.... do you get worked up too? Do you get so upset over internet postings that you leave nasty comments (whether anonymously or straight to their face) in an attempt to do nothing more than hurt people? Do you sit in front of your computer just seething? Do you lay in bed at night wondering what you can do to scare/hurt/injure, etc. the people who have offended you??? If you do... I have a secret for you - the people that you are upset with couldn't give a shit about you and have probably already forgotten about you. They have a real life with real friends and real family. So, as my WW peeps would say, pull up your big girl panties and move on with your lives. By the way, this is in response to about a dozen or so blogs I have seen recently with some pretty vicious shit in the comments (all not related to each other) as well as some pretty funny shit I've seen on my WW boards.

Forgive me Infertiles for I Have Sinned

I feel like such a piece of shit tonight. I learned that a fellow suffer gave birth to twins. Instead of rejoicing I was overcome with jealousy. This is not a friend mind you. She used to be. The friendship was toxic to me and I had to end it however I don't wish her ill. Yet, when I discovered she achieved what I had so desperately tried to grasp... I was overcome. I wanted to yell and scream and throw things. Yeah, really fucking grown up I know. Please don't get me wrong, our infertility has given us Dylan and I wouldn't change anything. Dylan is our son. We had to go through the fertility chase in order to get to this point... I get that. It doesn't make this hurt any less. Please feel free to flame me... I do deserve it.

Shit - I done gone and got tagged.

A Mini Meme Speckblog tagged me for this meme. It's a good one.The Rules: 1. Go into your archive. 2. Find your 23rd post. 3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to). 4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions. 5. Tag five other people to do the same. My sentence: I hate it when they sneak up on me. This post was entitled "Wow, where is this coming from?" I was blabbering on about feeling down and that those feeling just snuck up on me. I was trying to decide if I should bag out on my friend Joelle who I had made plans with to go to yoga and dinner (I went - and was very glad I did). I tag... Deep Kick Girl, Ms Prufrock, Gabe's Mommy, Lumi (who hasn't posted much lately), and Barb

3 Months Ago Today

Our boy came into this world. Gd I just wish I could go get him already! We received an update with a medical report and photograph and instead of making me happy, it made me a bit sad. He's smiling in the photograph. I don't know who he's smiling at (probably his foster mother) but it's not me or Marc. Was this his first smile? What other milestones have we missed? Ok, I'll fess up, the wait is really starting to get to me. I know that in a few months this will all just be a fading memory but it hurts so much right now. Thank you all for your input in my last post. It gave me a lot to think about and I'm sure if I'm ever in public and see a blended family - I will probably keep my mouth shut.

It's a Small World After All

Sorry for the ear worm (hehehehe). Wednesday night I had to pick Marc up from an appointment. I managed to score a parking spot right in front of where Marc's meeting was so I just sat in the car and relaxed. I heard someone talking and looked into my side view mirror and saw a man with two children and a stroller. Now, I knew that these children were Guatemalan for two reasons... reason one was because Marc had heard that there was a family w/Guatemalan children on the block and two... well, they looked Guatemalan. Anyway, I was debating on getting out of the car when Marc came out and told me that we should just go say hello. We approached the Dad and introduced ourselves and explained that we were going to be adopting from Guatemala. He was so sweet and so excited for us. Turns out.... we are going through the same agency he did! When we asked our agency about the length of time we could expect to bring home our son, they said the quickest they have ever brought home a baby was 4 1/2 months and the longest was 11 months (but that was a single parent during Hague). Guess what, he was both! First baby was 11 months and second was 4 1/2 months. I know that some bloggers are torn as to whether or not to approach strangers that may also be adoptive parents. I say... go for it! We are obviously blended families. We are different. We stand out. Might as well embrace it! (yes, I know I may change my mind after Dylan comes home but.... for now - that's my opinion). Parents who have adoptive children - how would you feel if a stranger approached you and told you that your child is beautiful and then asked if you had adopted because they were/had adopted as well. I'm not talking about the nosy body in the store that just assumes that because your child looks different that they are adopted. I mean a fellow adopter. Are you comfortable with that? I'm curious to hear your opinions.

Shipped

Last night Marc and I went to the main post office in our city to mail a 12.6lb package to Dylan. I was very jealous of the clothes & toys in that box. They were going to touch my son before us. When you send clothing down, it's usually with the understanding that you won't be getting it back. The foster parents keep them for their future foster children. It was with that in mind that we bought a really adorable Eagle's onsie. We are just hoping her next foster son's parents are Cowboy's fans (hehehehe). We also sent down some toys, 6 disposable cameras, and a gift for the foster mother. For those of you who are adopting from Guatemala, Global Express Mail through the post office was $64 for 12.6lbs and they should have it in 3-5 days. Dylan could be wearing his outfits by this weekend! Plus, it's traceable so I can watch to make sure it gets down there ok. Still waiting on preapproval and our newest update. Oh, please stop by Barb's and give her some lovin. The fucking lab misplaced her DNA results. I'm sure they will find them but they are giving her some major stress.

In Search of Shalom

Shalom is Hebrew. Shalom is one of those wonderful word that have multiple means. Shalom can mean hello. Shalom can mean goodbye. Shalom also means peace. This is what I have been seeking. It was very obvious to me last night that my search for a synagogue to call home was also a search for peace. Last night, among the 200+ people (most were under 10 and quite loud) I found some peace. Not peace and quite mind you. No, it was (as the Rabbi put it) 100+ decibels in the room where we were having Shabbat dinner but I still felt very peaceful. Around me tons of children played and parents chased around the littler ones. It was nice to see parents so relaxed not knowing if there children were somewhere in the dining area, running through the synagogue halls or under someone's table. They knew their children were safe and having fun and that's all that matters. Since we were new to the synagogue, our name tags had little green stars on them to indicate that we were first timers. Many people (both Rabbi's and the Cantor) came over to introduce themselves and tell us all of the reasons we should join their synagogue. After dinner (roast chicken, potatoes & green beans) the Rabbi called for all of the children over 7 to join him in the Temple so of course Marc and I followed (the other Rabbi stayed behind to have services for the parents and the little ones). We walked into the chapel and what a sight! There were children running all over the place. On the Bimah, standing behind the podium (you could hardly see the tops of their head) pretending to be the Rabbi or the Cantor. The Rabbi walked in and asked for everyone to take their seats. Wow! The kids complied immediately and a hush came over the room. We sang, we prayed and we played games. It was wonderful! He really has a wonderful presence! After the services (which were extremely short), we went back to the original area we were in for dessert and more conversation. It was heavenly. Marc and I really enjoyed ourselves and felt welcome. We still want to look at at least one other synagogue before we decide but this one is definitely in the running! Saturday we went to the Princeton vs. USD game. USD lost but we had a great time. Sunday we cleaned out the basement so that we can hire an exterminator to help us with our cricket problem. It was a dirty job but it's done! Yay!

Now what?

We have at least 3 weeks before we can even email the Embassy about our pre-approval. What am I supposed to do in the meantime?? With the infertility shit, there was always something to do. A doctor's appointment, bloodwork, cootercam, temping, peeing on sticks, something! It's hurry up and wait with nothing to do. That's ok - tonight we're going to stop at BJ's wholesale, get some disposable cameras, wash the clothes we bought him and box it up to send to Guatemala. Tomorrow we have Shabbat dinner at a synagogue we are considering joining. It's funny - at our reunion we were talking with an old friend and it turns out he belongs to the synagogue (and is very happy with it). I've been missing out on my Jewishness from a community perspective. I hope this place will fit both of our needs.

Law Update and a Request for some Lovin'

The law was not read yesterday. Apparently there were more pressing issues to be discussed and the reading was put off. More importantly, 200 protesters arrived at the Congress steps and had the opportunity to voice their concerns directly to some of the Congress which seems to have had a positive effect. You can read more about it at Guatadopt. --------------------------- On to more pressing issues... My dear friend Deanna. She is facing some obstacles with her adoption right now and could use your prayers/positive vibes/good thoughts etc. Oh, unless you are that icky troll that has been harrassing her and telling her that I shouldn't be adopting because I say fuck. If you are on my blog (and don't worry sweetie, I can tell when you are here), I will be forced to bring my minions to your blog and harrass the ever loving shit out of you.

Update Time!

We have DNA and it's a 99.99% match :) Along with the DNA test, we also received a photograph of Dylan's birthmother holding him. She is beautiful. Stunning actually. She was smiling sweetly in the photograph. I wondered if it was because she was told to smile. I hope it was because she was at peace with her decision and because she knew that some day Dylan would be looking at this photograph and wanted him to see her that way. I hope it's the later. Looks like the second vote on The Ortega Law takes place today. This law definitely has it's benefits and I can see how it, ultimately, would streamline the process. However, there is nothing in this law that provides for the children while the law is being implemented which means that hundreds of children could be stranded while it's implemented. I also worry (selfishly) about how this law can effect our adoption as well. If the stories I have heard from the Hague disaster are any indication, this process could take a lot longer than we expected. I hope and pray that it doesn't happen until they can put a plan into place to take care of the children in the interim and not effect the currently adoptions taking place.

Wow, that was crazy!

On Saturday night, Marc and I went to my 20th High School Reunion. It was great seeing everyone. Everyone was floored at how much I had changed. I went from

TO.................... in 20 years. What you can't tell from my HS photo is that I had dirty blonde hair (yes, the truth is out, it's not "real"). I was uber skinny in high school and I'm not uber skinny any more. But I can say without any hesitation... I am happy.

It's interesting that out of the 200 or so people who attended this shindig, Marc and I managed to find the infertiles in the crowd. One was in the process of adopting from China and the other was struggling because her husband wasn't sure he could adopt. Everyone fawned over our pictures of Dylan and wished us well. No stupid remarks.

I hugged my arch nemesis, Jackie. She made my life miserable in school. Living well was my best revenge and it's been 20 years! 20 years ago she made my life hell but in the 20 years since I have seen her, I have grown past it all and Saturday night gave me a great deal of closure

If you are considering going to a reunion (especially 20+ years).... go! It's funny, a girl I knew since elementary school and I were talking about a mutual friend. She said "remember when Niki and I had a crush on the same guy?" I squealed "Dennis!" We laughed. She said "I remember how crushed I was that he liked her better. It's funny what was important to us back then". She's right. I hugged a woman who beat the shit out of me. I talked to people I never would have had anything in common with in high school that are now in a place in their lives that are very close to where I am. Many look at time as our enemy (especially in the IF world). Sometimes, it can heal us. I feel healed.

----------------------------------------

Ok, I've healed with regard to high school but NOT when it comes to the infertility shit. I got pregnanted AGAIN! Not only did I get pregnanted again but then she has the nerve to give me shit about vaccines! She tells me I'm going to get pregnant I tell her "I hope not". She told me that her kids aren't vaccinated and she got a religious exemption (even though her religion doesn't say shit about vaccines - she lied). I asked her where her kids go to school and she asked me why. I told her I wanted to make sure my son was no where near her kids. She tells me... "I've read 3 books on the subject". Um, I've spoken with doctors, educators, infectious disease people, I've read many books and reports... My kids are getting shots. I had them, Marc had them (with the mercury most likely) and we are fine! My sister-in-law is a pediatrician (who I respect greatly) and told me that when she has kids, she will have them immunized. She just said, "well, if your kids are immunized, they have nothing to worry about from my kids". Yeah, ok asshat.

I'm so proud I could burst!

My friend on Team GDT have raised almost $32,000 for their fight against breast cancer. I'm so proud of them! If you are interested in helping the cause, there's still time. Just go to http://tinyurl.com/ar3pj and make your donation. __________________ Still no DNA results for Dylan yet. My lovely socialworker, L, emailed the lab to see what is going on. I'm hoping for at least a verbal match today but since L is not in on Friday's... I doubt that would happen.

GIMME A G, GIMME A D, GIMME A T....

What's that stand for????? A group of amazing people I call friends who are going to Boston this weekend to honor our friend Annie and run in a 5k to raise money to fight breast cancer. So far, they have raised over $20,000. That's right, not $200, not $2,000, $20,000! Check out their site and, if you can donate. Race for the Cure

This Weekend and Other Happy Thoughts

One of my oldest and bestest friend, Jenn, came in with her boyfriend, David this weekend for a visit. Marc and I have never met this boyfriend and, after much pondering realized that this is the first time Jennifer and I have been in relationships at the same time (with the exception of when we met 10+ years ago in Israel). We had much fun! We went out to eat, made fun of David's dreamy French accent (which every waitress we encountered seem to swoon at), drank many cocktails and much wine. Wondered around the city and just got to know him. The verdict.... We like him! We really like him. I can't begin to say how great it is to see Jenn so happy. Whenever she's been in relationships in the past, she has always had this shadow in her eyes. Like a question was lurking in her mind. She was always very intense and very much on guard with these men. This time it's so beautifully different. Her eyes sparkle, her body language is relaxed. They would kid and play and tease each other and didn't give a fuck who was around. Yes! That's what it's all about! Not drama. This beautiful woman has, up until now, had horrible luck with men. With the exception of physical abuse, I bet she can top just about any bad date story you can come up with. What's crazy is she is beautiful (not just average, we are talking exotic), incredibly intelligent, has amazing artistic talent, published author and a heart of gold. She has been there through so much for me... I'm so happy to see her, well... happy! Ok, now I need to get a little weird and post something that only 1 person (and maybe that person's minions) will understand..... Breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out. This is the start of something special. Remember that. Today is a good day to start something new. You deserve to be happy. Enjoy this time and welcome to the ride my sister. Ok... back to me again :) Still no sign of the DNA results and still no update on the law.

To answer your question....

We don't know when we will be able to bring Dylan home. We are thinking it's anywhere from the 2-4 month range. This court decision court make it shorter or longer. We have no way of knowing. Once we have DNA results, we go to family court for preapproval. Once we have preapproval, we go to PGN (their version of the Attorney General's Office) for approval. Once we have approval, our birth certificate is requested from Guatemala City. Once we have the birth certificate, we go get him :) To answer Caroline's question... No, we are not doing a visit trip. Our attorney in Guatemala will only allow us to see him for a few hours and only during the week. We just can't take the time off of work so we are praying we can get him soon.

Timeline

I've been asked to show our timeline for the adoption process... here it goes! Timeline To Dylan 03/13/05 - Decision to Adopt Announced 03/28/05 - Application to Agencies Mailed/ Paperwork Started 03/31/05 - Application Received by Agency 04/11/05 - Met with Social Worker for Home Study Interview 04/21/05 - Marc met with Social Worker for Home Study Interview 04/25/05 - I600 Mailed to INS 04/28/05 - First Communication w/Adoption Agency (Email) 05/05/05 - Letter from INS - Missing BC/MC 05/09/05 - Home Study In Home Visit and Couple's Interview 06/08/05 - Received completed Home Study 06/16/05 - Home Study to INS 07/06/05 - Fingerprinted for INS 07/08/05 - ********REFERRAL!!!********** 07/13/05 - Wire to Attorney 07/20/05 - State Authentication Received 07/21/05 - Sent to Liason for Guatemalan Consulate Authentication 07/22/05 - Everything but I797 is in SC 07/27/05 - I797 is received and sent to SC 08/05/05 - Dossier sent to Guatemala 08/25/05 - Updated Medical Report & Photos 09/06/05 - DNA Performed We are currently waiting on the results. Cross your fingers that they are in our mailbox at home. This wait has gotten very difficult for me. It's really getting to me lately and I'm barely holding it together. There is some legislation pending that could really effect adoptions. We would still move forward with Dylan (the legislation would really effect new adoptions) but I worry that it would slow things down for us considerably.

Squeaking in one more post before the weekend begins...

I'm very excited. Marc and I are checking out a Synagogue in 2 weeks. They have a group for young married couples and we have been invited to Shabbat Dinner. Marc prefers the Conservative flavor of Judaism where I prefer the more egalitarian Reform flavor. This Synagogue sounds like it has both flavors under one roof (a spiritual chocolate & vanilla if you will). They follow the traditional Conservative service but they have a woman Chazzan or Cantor. It's been a long time since I've had a desire to be in synagogue. Many years ago, I found a synagogue that touched my heart. I felt welcomed and accepted. My parents became very active, my sister went to school and celebrated her Bat Mitzvah there. Then, our little community was thrust into the news. Our Rabbi was accused (and ultimately convicted) of murdering his wife. It also came to light that he had numerous affairs. I, like most people I knew at the time, put the clergy on a pedestal. They were beyond reproach. My spiritual world took a major hurting during that time that I don't feel that I've fully recovered from. I went on to have an adult Bat Mitzvah a few years after this happened at the same synagogue. Then, the remaining Rabbi left and in his place were people that I couldn't relate to. People who would ignore me just because they didn't know my name (after being introduced numerous times). So I've just drifted. Going to that synagogue on High Holidays with my parents or going with Marc's family to his family's synagogue. My only desire was to get out as quickly as possible and that just made me sad. So, while going through our home study process, our lovely social worker, S, was telling us how much she loves her synagogue and how she would love for us to come and see it. She extended the invitation and we are taking her up on it. I hope it's someplace that both Marc and I, together, will feel comfortable enough to call home. Not only for us but for Dylan. I know that they have experience with adoptive children because our social worker has an adopted child.

Ending the week on a happy note.....

We have a "positive" sighting in IF blogland. Please go give Eggs some congrats on her insanely unexpected surprise. Have a good weekend everyone. Be kind to yourselves and those around you.

Just a friendly reminder & an update

This site is copyright protected (see notice to the left). That means no copying and pasting my site, no printing it's lovely pages without the Queen's authority (in case you didn't know... I'm the Queen. Ok, on to happy things... DNA testing is done! When we were going crazy with the photos yesterday I asked L (our social worker) if she would check on the DNA status. I was looking for a date for the DNA testing to take place. Imagine my surprise when I got the response that the testing had been performed and we should have results in a week! How cool is that?? We are just cruising along.

What a Weekend!

What a great weekend it was! On Saturday we did our usual routine of gym, weight watchers (down 1.6lbs YaY!) and breakfast. We added in a leisurely stroll through town where we ran into my boss. I snuck up behind him and grabbed his ass. Luckily I have a boss cool enough to permit ass grabbing and a husband who loves me enough to be cool w/me indulging (especially when it's my gay boss). We did a little shopping for Dylan. We plan to send some clothes, toys and cameras down to his foster mother. Went home, did yardwork and went to a birthday party at one of our favorite restaurants. While we were there, ran into Princess and her friends from Israel. Sunday, we did more yard work and then went to a barbecue for our friend's son's first birthday. It was a blast! It's amazing. We saw the baby 2 weeks ago and he was just starting to take his first steps. Two weeks pass and he's tearing through the yard! It's amazing how quickly it happens. After the barbecue, we saw The 40 Year Old Virgin. Probably one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. If you haven't seen it - trust me when I say... don't drink anything before the show - you may pee yourself! Monday... well, Monday was sheer heaven on earth. We woke up early, made a big pot of coffee and sat out back and enjoyed our back yard for the first time this year. We cleaned off the table and chairs, put up the umbrella, grabbed our books and just relaxed. We read, had breakfast, read some more, talked, watched the birds and bugs float through the yard. We took a break and did some shopping (Macy's had a huge sale on area rugs - can't have Dylan crawling around on hardwood can we?). We came home and sat outside some more, then went inside (insert imagination), had dinner and then went to sleep. It was a perfect day off. This morning, after the gym, I find that we have an updated picture & medical report on Dylan. Yay! Marc and I were so excited. Through my excitement, when I looked at the photo, it just didn't seem right. I brushed it off and decided it was my imagination. I then get an IM from my friend Barb. "Call me" she IM's which I promptly do. They switched our photos! We had ourselves a really good laugh but our agency was furious with the lawyer. I told her to save her anger for when we are in PGN or when we are waiting on the birth certificate. This shit is the easy part.

Oh, I forgot to ask

I saw a post on a blog this week about a woman who took her baby (adopted from Guatemala) to a yard sale and met a young man who was also adopted from Guatemala. I wanted to show Marc the blog entry but now I can't find it. If you know what I am talking about, could you please point me in the right direction? Thanks

Have a Good Weekend

And please, hug your loved ones a little tighter this weekend. Please remember those in New Orleans who have lost everything. Their family members, their homes, their memories. Please pray or wish that they are rescued soon. If you want to give but aren't sure what charity you want to send your money to, please check out http://give.org/news/katrina.asp. They reseach the charities and can tell you how much goes to the cause and how much goes to administrative fees. I found it very helpful in decided where to donate.

First, an update....

We got the request for DNA testing on Monday. We promptly filled it out and faxed it back. Now, the DNA test can take place. This is to ensure that the birth mother is, in fact, the birth mother. She has to sign off for the third time. I've been told that if the birth mother is going to change her mind, this is when it usually happens.

Ok, which one of you

Is from Bozeman? I keep seeing Bozeman MT on my sitemeter and I'm intrigued. Please delurk and say hi :) Oh, and the person from XO.com too. Who are you?

What is a blog??

I get that question a lot as do many of my blogging friends. Why put yourself out there? Why put your heart out to the world? Well, some blogs (like mine) are definitely out there. Both mine and Marc's families read my blog because I told them about it and gave them permission. I do honestly believe that I could have even gone as far as telling them about it but asking for them not to read it and that they would respect my feelings because, well, that's the way they are. They are good people. There are some people in the blogging community (hi Wolfette!) who have two blogs. One for friends and family to read to stay up to date on what's going on in their lives and a deep dark private one for, well, their imaginary friends (like me) to read and help them on their journey of infertility, adoption, addiction, etc. You get the point. One of my darling blogging buddies have been violated in one of the worse forms of betrayal. Her mother-in-law (hereinafter known as cunt-in-law or CIL for short) broke into her computer, used her daughter-in-law's email account to email the blog to herself at home and then proceeded to read her entire private blog. Wait! It gets better my lovely friends! Her cunt-in-law then proceeds (after confronted on her betrayal) to email pages of the blog that she had downloaded to all of the people she vented about so they could see what she had written about them. My friends, we ALL complain about the people in our lives. This doesn't mean we don't love them, respect them and care for them. It means for a moment or two in time, they have pissed you off and you vented about them and then you get over it. I hope her family who received these heinous emails understand that and I hope her CIL rots in hell. Now, I know many of you are wondering why I am writing this. Apparently the idiot also downloaded her bloglines list and has been frequenting blogs on the list so.... if the cunt-in-law comes here - I'll be able to track her and laugh in her ugly face. Friends of Wolfette (Just Keep Swimming), please post your notes of love and support. Let this horrible, horrible woman know how awful we think she is!

Breast Cancer....

Is a serious problem. Millions of women all over the world are effected by this dreadful disease. A group of amazing women that I know from weight watchers are participating in the Race for the Cure in Boston and have a goal of raising $20,000 as a team. They are a little over $15,000 so far and I am beyond proud of them. I know many of you are focusing your giving on Katrina victims and other charities. If you would like to help my friends out, they would greatly appreciate it! You can check out their fund raising efforts on the Susan G Koman website.

Ya Got Me!

My darling Princess tells me that her friends are coming in from Europe to see her for her birthday. We are going to all have brunch together. Can you believed I fell for this line of crap? I honestly thought I was going to get to meet the wonderful friends she made on her adventure in Israel. Nope... not happening. Instead, my wonderful sister threw me a Baby Shower. My friends Andy & Lori came down from Boston to see us (we love you guys), my favorite cousin Judith was there, cousins and Aunts, my sister-in-law brought the kids (all three G-d bless her), my friend Val brought her newest addition (I had much baby cuddle time which was wonderful), my Mother-In-Law and her sister were there (which is huge because our families don't get along). They got me good. :)

We have a medical Update

He's growing like crazy. He's gone from the 25% in height and weight to the 75% percentile and his head went from 10% to 10-25%. He's had his second Hep B vaccine and is sporting an umbilical hernia which is not a big deal (from what we are told). WE are also #11 in line for DNA testing. This is a very important step. The birth mother will be signing off for a third time during DNA testing and she will be with the baby and hold him for a photograph. This is a point that, if a birth mother were to change her mind, this is when she would do it. I would understand if she did, he's a beatiful baby. I hope that she is at peace with her choice. She is (and will always be) in my prayers. Congrats to Kim who has just received her referral of an absolutely, positively beautiful little girl. Crazy girl and her crazy husband are flying off toot sweet to meet their little one. Safe journey Kim & Dan :) Tonight we are grocery shopping for Saturday. What's Saturday you ask? Just a big, crazy bash with about a bazillion Parrotheads. We are partying with about 40 other people starting at 11 a.m. Should be much fun.

Bloggers, Bloggers helping... Bloggers

Ok People. We need some help here. Seems that my friend Wolfette has become the victim of an internet scam. They have stolen almost $1,000 from this poor women (a fellow IF'r) and she is having such a hard time getting her money back. Please, if you know how to help this wonderful woman, please please please go post on her blog. If you can't help - go give her some much needed loving. She's been through so much and she really doesn't need this. Thanks!

And Now, For Something Completely Different

Please go give some much needed love and support to our friend at Deadbug. She is completely wigging out (and justifiably so!).

Update and Some Blogger Happy News

First... I spoke with our social worker L at the agency. She is very upset that we don't have an update and gave us the number of the pediatrician in Guatemala. She said he is very kind and speaks fairly decent English. I have called our pediatrician here to find out if she will call on our behalf and, if not, what questions we should ask the doctor. UGH - this is frustrating! Second - a bit of happy news over at Deanna's so go give her some loving. She and her wonderful husband are going to become parents to a baby boy who is due October 10th. It's a beautiful day today and I hope I have time to get out an enjoy a little of it. What I really feel like doing is calling the pediatrician and then, when I know everything is ok, kidnap Marc and go down the shore. It's so nice outside and I just want to stroll along the boardwalk, holding hands with my sweetie, trying not to buy the incredible treats they sell up and down the boardwalk.

It's Right Around The Corner

I can feel it. My favorite time of year. I love the fall. The leaves turn incredible colors, the weather gets a bit cooler, the air smells sweeter... I just love it! And it also means that Halloween is right around the corner too! It's my favorite holiday. Last year was the first year that I handed out candy to treat-or-treaters in my own home. Before Marc and I were married, I lived in an apartment complex that really didn't have any children and before that I lived with my parents and they were in charge of trick or treaters. Last year, we made an uber cool pumpkin using stencils we purchased over the internet and sat on the front step (it was beautiful outside) to hand out candy to the neighborhood children. They were so cute and the parents were so nice. Next year we will be walking around the neighborhood with Dylan in his first Halloween costume. I can't wait! We are still waiting on the medical report. I am sure if there was a problem, we would know but I won't be comfortable until we have it in our hands.

It's not too late!!!!!

This is a repost - why is it a repost? Because this is important! Heather is coming up on her final deadline for donations for her race. So... here's Heather's letter and a link if you'd like to contribute to a very worthy cause. from my friend Heather......I am writing this letter to invite you to help people with cancer and their families, LIVE STRONG!Last year I decided that I needed to join the fight against cancer. Cancer has affected me throughout my life as I am sure it has affected most of you in some way or another. I made this decision because my mother is a two-year survivor of breast cancer and I had a brother who died of cancer called neuroblastoma. For me, finding out my mom had breast cancer was very frightening. I was with her during the visits to the doctor, her surgery, and her radiation treatments. Thankfully, we are able to celebrate the fact that the doctor removed all the cancer and that she is going to be fine. It has been two year and she is still cancer free. As for my brother, I have no memory of what my family went though. I was born the year after he died. He had a rare childhood cancer called neuroblastoma that has recently received national coverage thanks to Alexandra Scott and Alex's Lemonade Stand. Alex and my brother Scott had the same type of cancer. Scott unfortunately did not live as long as Alex, Scott was 23 months when he died Alex was 10 years old. While I never knew him, he has always been a part of my life. I have come to know the challenges that my parents and sister went through during his illness and the people that they met and supported them. In October 2004, I met a new challenge: I rode in the Bristol Myers Squibb Tour of Hope, which benefits the Lance Armstrong Foundation. This is a ride between Los Angeles and Washington, D.C. I joined the Tour on the last leg into Washington. It was very emotional for me to ride up to the point where we met the national riders and see people from all over the country unite for one cause to help raise money for cancer. As we started that last leg, we were greeted by a large number of people holding signs thanking us for our efforts in fighting cancer. It made me realize that I was making a difference in many of these people's lives. We rode as one massive group to help fight cancer, to help fund cancer education and to support people with cancer. I am asking you to help me raise money this year because I am riding in the Ride for the Roses, part of the Lance Armstrong Foundation's Peloton Project in Austin, TX in October. The Peloton Project is the Lance Armstrong Foundation's major grassroots fundraising initiative that brings together a diverse group of volunteers' dedicated to helping people living with cancer live strong. My goal for 2005 is to raise $10,000 for the foundation. I will pay all my expenses to and from Austin. All money I collect will go to the Lance Armstrong Foundation.I ask that you sponsor me by contributing to the Lance Armstrong Foundation. You can send your contribution to me (made payable to the Lance Armstrong Foundation) at 300 S. Lenola Road, Maple Shade, NJ 08052 or visit that Foundation web site at http://tinyurl.com/d7g6u to put your contribution on your credit card. Thank you for your help in supporting the efforts of the Lance Armstrong Foundation to help people with cancer, and their families, LIVE STRONG!Heather GarnickP.S. Please forward this email on to all those people you know that are affected by cancer, everyone can helpLIVE STRONG!

Have I mentioned lately

That I love our agency? Not just because she got us a new picture (still waiting on that medical report) but because our social worker has a wonderful sense of humor. She gets us. Yesterday I sent her a picture of a dog begging to send down to our attorney thinking that may get her to send something (ta da - a picture!). I sent her two more in order to get more pics and the mediacl report. She told me that the attorney will definately know us by the time we get down there and I told her that she'd probably throw her computer at us (hahaha). It's so nice to have the support. I hope we more information soon. I hope the process flies by and we are able to bring home our son very quickly.

Taking a few minutes out from

staring at my new picture of Dylan to post that I have a new picture of Dylan! He's just so cute I can't stand it! He has huge ears (hehehe -just like his Aunt) and beautiful jet balck hair and beautiful lips and nose. His foster mother had him dressed in an adorable outfit too. Now we just need the medical report and I can breath a little easier. Thanks for your kind comments. I do appreciate them!

Pain

Pain I feel over lack of information on Dylan. Pain caused by my family struggles. Sometimes you need the physical pain to dull the emotional pain. That's what I did tonight. Despite my aching shoulder (got hit by a drunk driver 10 years ago and have a tear) I took a yoga class with my dear friend J. I beat myself senseless. At the very end, as I laid on the floor trying to find peace, all I could find were tears. I glanced over at my dear J and she was smiling - I had found release. A release she understood and shared. J, I know you read my blog. I truly love you. You touch my heart and I am so glad to have you as my friend. Thank you for sharing your practice with me - you have helped me find a little peace tonight.

Hey you! Yeah, you - there.

You, in Ridgetop, Tennessee, say hi. Who are you? hehehehehe

We need some big prayers in Blogland

Please go give Suz so huge prayers (or good vibes/thoughts, etc). She just found out that she is carrying identical twins and there could be some problems. So much fertility going on in the infertile world right now. I hope it continues.

Crash! Boom! Flash!

It was incredible! Around 12:30 a.m. Marc and I awoke to the most amazing storm. I asked him what all the noise was (as I was half asleep) and he said he thinks there is a storm. We opened the blinds on the window over our bed and just laid in bed and watched the show. Thunder and lightening and wind... Oh My! It was great. The funny part about all of this is the tree. We have this beautiful, huge tree that sits on another property but overhangs ours. It's a great old tree and I do love it but worry that it will fall onto the house. It sits on a little bit of a hill and just doesn't seem stable (although the property owner assured me that they had an engineer look at it last year and it was stable. Well, I've told Marc that I worry that the tree will fall over onto the house. If that were to happen, it would hit our bedroom - no doubt! He would laugh at me and tell me that I'm crazy. Well... last night - he was getting a bit concerned watching those branches whip around in the storm. Well, it's nice to know that I'm not the only crazy one in our house! We had a great weekend. We took a parenting class at our local hospital with Kim & Dan. Kim and Dan are in the process of adopting a little girl from Guatemala. Kim made arrangements at the hospital that offers the class for it to be just the four of us as we didn't need the same type of information as someone who was bringing home a newborn. They were extremely accommodating and the woman who gave the class was just lovely! We learned about feeding, diapering, car seats, stroller, etc. I really enjoyed it. Last night I went out with Princess for her birthday. Just the two of us for some serious sister time. It was wonderful. She's such an amazing woman and I'm just so proud of who she is. She's strong and independent and beautiful. We went out to a fun, chi chi Mexican restaurant and had yummy food and even yummier margarita's. Topped that off with some gelato and we were very full, happy campers.