Oh, I forgot to ask

I saw a post on a blog this week about a woman who took her baby (adopted from Guatemala) to a yard sale and met a young man who was also adopted from Guatemala. I wanted to show Marc the blog entry but now I can't find it. If you know what I am talking about, could you please point me in the right direction? Thanks

Have a Good Weekend

And please, hug your loved ones a little tighter this weekend. Please remember those in New Orleans who have lost everything. Their family members, their homes, their memories. Please pray or wish that they are rescued soon. If you want to give but aren't sure what charity you want to send your money to, please check out http://give.org/news/katrina.asp. They reseach the charities and can tell you how much goes to the cause and how much goes to administrative fees. I found it very helpful in decided where to donate.

First, an update....

We got the request for DNA testing on Monday. We promptly filled it out and faxed it back. Now, the DNA test can take place. This is to ensure that the birth mother is, in fact, the birth mother. She has to sign off for the third time. I've been told that if the birth mother is going to change her mind, this is when it usually happens.

Ok, which one of you

Is from Bozeman? I keep seeing Bozeman MT on my sitemeter and I'm intrigued. Please delurk and say hi :) Oh, and the person from XO.com too. Who are you?

What is a blog??

I get that question a lot as do many of my blogging friends. Why put yourself out there? Why put your heart out to the world? Well, some blogs (like mine) are definitely out there. Both mine and Marc's families read my blog because I told them about it and gave them permission. I do honestly believe that I could have even gone as far as telling them about it but asking for them not to read it and that they would respect my feelings because, well, that's the way they are. They are good people. There are some people in the blogging community (hi Wolfette!) who have two blogs. One for friends and family to read to stay up to date on what's going on in their lives and a deep dark private one for, well, their imaginary friends (like me) to read and help them on their journey of infertility, adoption, addiction, etc. You get the point. One of my darling blogging buddies have been violated in one of the worse forms of betrayal. Her mother-in-law (hereinafter known as cunt-in-law or CIL for short) broke into her computer, used her daughter-in-law's email account to email the blog to herself at home and then proceeded to read her entire private blog. Wait! It gets better my lovely friends! Her cunt-in-law then proceeds (after confronted on her betrayal) to email pages of the blog that she had downloaded to all of the people she vented about so they could see what she had written about them. My friends, we ALL complain about the people in our lives. This doesn't mean we don't love them, respect them and care for them. It means for a moment or two in time, they have pissed you off and you vented about them and then you get over it. I hope her family who received these heinous emails understand that and I hope her CIL rots in hell. Now, I know many of you are wondering why I am writing this. Apparently the idiot also downloaded her bloglines list and has been frequenting blogs on the list so.... if the cunt-in-law comes here - I'll be able to track her and laugh in her ugly face. Friends of Wolfette (Just Keep Swimming), please post your notes of love and support. Let this horrible, horrible woman know how awful we think she is!

Breast Cancer....

Is a serious problem. Millions of women all over the world are effected by this dreadful disease. A group of amazing women that I know from weight watchers are participating in the Race for the Cure in Boston and have a goal of raising $20,000 as a team. They are a little over $15,000 so far and I am beyond proud of them. I know many of you are focusing your giving on Katrina victims and other charities. If you would like to help my friends out, they would greatly appreciate it! You can check out their fund raising efforts on the Susan G Koman website.

Ya Got Me!

My darling Princess tells me that her friends are coming in from Europe to see her for her birthday. We are going to all have brunch together. Can you believed I fell for this line of crap? I honestly thought I was going to get to meet the wonderful friends she made on her adventure in Israel. Nope... not happening. Instead, my wonderful sister threw me a Baby Shower. My friends Andy & Lori came down from Boston to see us (we love you guys), my favorite cousin Judith was there, cousins and Aunts, my sister-in-law brought the kids (all three G-d bless her), my friend Val brought her newest addition (I had much baby cuddle time which was wonderful), my Mother-In-Law and her sister were there (which is huge because our families don't get along). They got me good. :)

We have a medical Update

He's growing like crazy. He's gone from the 25% in height and weight to the 75% percentile and his head went from 10% to 10-25%. He's had his second Hep B vaccine and is sporting an umbilical hernia which is not a big deal (from what we are told). WE are also #11 in line for DNA testing. This is a very important step. The birth mother will be signing off for a third time during DNA testing and she will be with the baby and hold him for a photograph. This is a point that, if a birth mother were to change her mind, this is when she would do it. I would understand if she did, he's a beatiful baby. I hope that she is at peace with her choice. She is (and will always be) in my prayers. Congrats to Kim who has just received her referral of an absolutely, positively beautiful little girl. Crazy girl and her crazy husband are flying off toot sweet to meet their little one. Safe journey Kim & Dan :) Tonight we are grocery shopping for Saturday. What's Saturday you ask? Just a big, crazy bash with about a bazillion Parrotheads. We are partying with about 40 other people starting at 11 a.m. Should be much fun.

Bloggers, Bloggers helping... Bloggers

Ok People. We need some help here. Seems that my friend Wolfette has become the victim of an internet scam. They have stolen almost $1,000 from this poor women (a fellow IF'r) and she is having such a hard time getting her money back. Please, if you know how to help this wonderful woman, please please please go post on her blog. If you can't help - go give her some much needed loving. She's been through so much and she really doesn't need this. Thanks!

And Now, For Something Completely Different

Please go give some much needed love and support to our friend at Deadbug. She is completely wigging out (and justifiably so!).

Update and Some Blogger Happy News

First... I spoke with our social worker L at the agency. She is very upset that we don't have an update and gave us the number of the pediatrician in Guatemala. She said he is very kind and speaks fairly decent English. I have called our pediatrician here to find out if she will call on our behalf and, if not, what questions we should ask the doctor. UGH - this is frustrating! Second - a bit of happy news over at Deanna's so go give her some loving. She and her wonderful husband are going to become parents to a baby boy who is due October 10th. It's a beautiful day today and I hope I have time to get out an enjoy a little of it. What I really feel like doing is calling the pediatrician and then, when I know everything is ok, kidnap Marc and go down the shore. It's so nice outside and I just want to stroll along the boardwalk, holding hands with my sweetie, trying not to buy the incredible treats they sell up and down the boardwalk.

It's Right Around The Corner

I can feel it. My favorite time of year. I love the fall. The leaves turn incredible colors, the weather gets a bit cooler, the air smells sweeter... I just love it! And it also means that Halloween is right around the corner too! It's my favorite holiday. Last year was the first year that I handed out candy to treat-or-treaters in my own home. Before Marc and I were married, I lived in an apartment complex that really didn't have any children and before that I lived with my parents and they were in charge of trick or treaters. Last year, we made an uber cool pumpkin using stencils we purchased over the internet and sat on the front step (it was beautiful outside) to hand out candy to the neighborhood children. They were so cute and the parents were so nice. Next year we will be walking around the neighborhood with Dylan in his first Halloween costume. I can't wait! We are still waiting on the medical report. I am sure if there was a problem, we would know but I won't be comfortable until we have it in our hands.

It's not too late!!!!!

This is a repost - why is it a repost? Because this is important! Heather is coming up on her final deadline for donations for her race. So... here's Heather's letter and a link if you'd like to contribute to a very worthy cause. from my friend Heather......I am writing this letter to invite you to help people with cancer and their families, LIVE STRONG!Last year I decided that I needed to join the fight against cancer. Cancer has affected me throughout my life as I am sure it has affected most of you in some way or another. I made this decision because my mother is a two-year survivor of breast cancer and I had a brother who died of cancer called neuroblastoma. For me, finding out my mom had breast cancer was very frightening. I was with her during the visits to the doctor, her surgery, and her radiation treatments. Thankfully, we are able to celebrate the fact that the doctor removed all the cancer and that she is going to be fine. It has been two year and she is still cancer free. As for my brother, I have no memory of what my family went though. I was born the year after he died. He had a rare childhood cancer called neuroblastoma that has recently received national coverage thanks to Alexandra Scott and Alex's Lemonade Stand. Alex and my brother Scott had the same type of cancer. Scott unfortunately did not live as long as Alex, Scott was 23 months when he died Alex was 10 years old. While I never knew him, he has always been a part of my life. I have come to know the challenges that my parents and sister went through during his illness and the people that they met and supported them. In October 2004, I met a new challenge: I rode in the Bristol Myers Squibb Tour of Hope, which benefits the Lance Armstrong Foundation. This is a ride between Los Angeles and Washington, D.C. I joined the Tour on the last leg into Washington. It was very emotional for me to ride up to the point where we met the national riders and see people from all over the country unite for one cause to help raise money for cancer. As we started that last leg, we were greeted by a large number of people holding signs thanking us for our efforts in fighting cancer. It made me realize that I was making a difference in many of these people's lives. We rode as one massive group to help fight cancer, to help fund cancer education and to support people with cancer. I am asking you to help me raise money this year because I am riding in the Ride for the Roses, part of the Lance Armstrong Foundation's Peloton Project in Austin, TX in October. The Peloton Project is the Lance Armstrong Foundation's major grassroots fundraising initiative that brings together a diverse group of volunteers' dedicated to helping people living with cancer live strong. My goal for 2005 is to raise $10,000 for the foundation. I will pay all my expenses to and from Austin. All money I collect will go to the Lance Armstrong Foundation.I ask that you sponsor me by contributing to the Lance Armstrong Foundation. You can send your contribution to me (made payable to the Lance Armstrong Foundation) at 300 S. Lenola Road, Maple Shade, NJ 08052 or visit that Foundation web site at http://tinyurl.com/d7g6u to put your contribution on your credit card. Thank you for your help in supporting the efforts of the Lance Armstrong Foundation to help people with cancer, and their families, LIVE STRONG!Heather GarnickP.S. Please forward this email on to all those people you know that are affected by cancer, everyone can helpLIVE STRONG!

Have I mentioned lately

That I love our agency? Not just because she got us a new picture (still waiting on that medical report) but because our social worker has a wonderful sense of humor. She gets us. Yesterday I sent her a picture of a dog begging to send down to our attorney thinking that may get her to send something (ta da - a picture!). I sent her two more in order to get more pics and the mediacl report. She told me that the attorney will definately know us by the time we get down there and I told her that she'd probably throw her computer at us (hahaha). It's so nice to have the support. I hope we more information soon. I hope the process flies by and we are able to bring home our son very quickly.

Taking a few minutes out from

staring at my new picture of Dylan to post that I have a new picture of Dylan! He's just so cute I can't stand it! He has huge ears (hehehe -just like his Aunt) and beautiful jet balck hair and beautiful lips and nose. His foster mother had him dressed in an adorable outfit too. Now we just need the medical report and I can breath a little easier. Thanks for your kind comments. I do appreciate them!

Pain

Pain I feel over lack of information on Dylan. Pain caused by my family struggles. Sometimes you need the physical pain to dull the emotional pain. That's what I did tonight. Despite my aching shoulder (got hit by a drunk driver 10 years ago and have a tear) I took a yoga class with my dear friend J. I beat myself senseless. At the very end, as I laid on the floor trying to find peace, all I could find were tears. I glanced over at my dear J and she was smiling - I had found release. A release she understood and shared. J, I know you read my blog. I truly love you. You touch my heart and I am so glad to have you as my friend. Thank you for sharing your practice with me - you have helped me find a little peace tonight.

Hey you! Yeah, you - there.

You, in Ridgetop, Tennessee, say hi. Who are you? hehehehehe

We need some big prayers in Blogland

Please go give Suz so huge prayers (or good vibes/thoughts, etc). She just found out that she is carrying identical twins and there could be some problems. So much fertility going on in the infertile world right now. I hope it continues.

Crash! Boom! Flash!

It was incredible! Around 12:30 a.m. Marc and I awoke to the most amazing storm. I asked him what all the noise was (as I was half asleep) and he said he thinks there is a storm. We opened the blinds on the window over our bed and just laid in bed and watched the show. Thunder and lightening and wind... Oh My! It was great. The funny part about all of this is the tree. We have this beautiful, huge tree that sits on another property but overhangs ours. It's a great old tree and I do love it but worry that it will fall onto the house. It sits on a little bit of a hill and just doesn't seem stable (although the property owner assured me that they had an engineer look at it last year and it was stable. Well, I've told Marc that I worry that the tree will fall over onto the house. If that were to happen, it would hit our bedroom - no doubt! He would laugh at me and tell me that I'm crazy. Well... last night - he was getting a bit concerned watching those branches whip around in the storm. Well, it's nice to know that I'm not the only crazy one in our house! We had a great weekend. We took a parenting class at our local hospital with Kim & Dan. Kim and Dan are in the process of adopting a little girl from Guatemala. Kim made arrangements at the hospital that offers the class for it to be just the four of us as we didn't need the same type of information as someone who was bringing home a newborn. They were extremely accommodating and the woman who gave the class was just lovely! We learned about feeding, diapering, car seats, stroller, etc. I really enjoyed it. Last night I went out with Princess for her birthday. Just the two of us for some serious sister time. It was wonderful. She's such an amazing woman and I'm just so proud of who she is. She's strong and independent and beautiful. We went out to a fun, chi chi Mexican restaurant and had yummy food and even yummier margarita's. Topped that off with some gelato and we were very full, happy campers.

A Newer Version of Being "Pregnanted"

So, I'm in the gym this morning and one of the regulars comments that I've lost a lot lately. I explained that I had been on some drugs that caused me to puff up and I had gained about 12lbs during my treatment. She asked me what kind of drugs and I explained they were fertility drugs but due to other issues, was not able to continue (was not in the mood to explain). Now, I like this lady who I usually refer to Marc as "the stinky lady with the hot bod". Stinky because she bathes in perfume before working out. Sweat + Perfume = Julie gagging. Anyway.. she asked why I discontinued treatment. I explained that due to medical reasons we weren't able to have children. We could have continued treatment but it was highly unlikley we would get pregnant and, even if we did, there was a very good possibility that IF we were able to carry to term, there was a huge chance of some serious genetic issues. Ready for this one? You may want to sit down. No, wait, lay down Fuck that - get a drink, I'll wait..... She said, "you should go ahead with the treatment, have those tests they have now an if there is a problem... JUST abort". Huh? You know, just terminate - no big deal. Ok, spends tons of money, invest emotionally & physically and then abort AND IT'S NO BIG DEAL????? Mind you, the stupid little cunt says this to me while I'm holding 25lb weights in my hands. I then explain that we are adopting and she explains "oh, that's nice" and walks away. I hate stupid people. This is why I don't carry a gun. I'd shoot stupid people.

I Love You Guys!

Now go home - it's the weekend. Have fun! Wish me luck in my parenting class - hopefully won't drop the doll on it's widdle head.

Just say no

I pulled my response to that tiny little troll. Didn't like the fact that I was giving it the dignity of a response. I've also pulled the comment. Speaking of comments - I only allow the "fat card" to get thrown at me on the GDT - so I deleted that comment as well. (yeah, someone called me fat). Sorry children, I'm trying to learn not to allow negative behavior to effect me. I want Dylan brought up in a positive, healthy environment. I need to learn how to just let insignificant people's comments and actions to roll off my back. Onto happier things.... I fucking popped a wheelie in spin class this morning. I'm not shitting you. We were doing "jumps" and I had positioned my seat too far back so had to push myself back a little farther than usual. In doing so the front end of the bike came up off the ground. Ok, normally this wouldn't be a big deal but my feet are locked (and I mean locked) into the peddles so if I flip the bike - it could be ugly. Spin buddy Brian explained that this is why he chooses bikes by the back wall. I'll be sitting by Brian from now on! I'm praying that we get an update today althought I doubt it highly. Our contact at the agency is off on Friday's. My Mom mentioned that I sounded sad that I haven't gotten my update. I am. I want to know that he's happy and healthy and I want to see how much he's grown. One month is a long time when you are talking about infants. I know that once I get everything I will feel much better. If I don't post again, to my dear blogging friends, have a wonderful weekend!

So anway....

I ran all the way home, practically ripped my house apart looking for the folder (while the cleaning ladies were there no less), found the folder, no form. FUCK! I'm running around trying to find this form when the phone rings. It's the agency. They found the form in Guatemala. Whew! Oh, and I did find out that we have been translated. We are on our way. I'm going to get around to doing a timeline soon. I promise.

Fuck Me Gently With A Chainsaw*

We were supposed to get updates on medicals & photos on Dylan by Tuesday. It's now Thursday and not only do we not have photos and a medical report but my agency called to say that the attorney lost our 797H form! I have to run home, get the copy, hope that it's perfectly clean (meaning that you can read everything clearly) and overnight it to Guatemala (at the Agency's cost of course). On the happy end of things (I try not to bitch unless I can end it with a happy note), our Dossier is translated. *Great line from the movie Heathers

August 10th

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRINCESS!!! You will always be my special baby girl :)

Nothing New To Report So... A Little Entertainment

Our Lawyer, R, in Guatemala, is in the process of moving her office and doesn't have access to computers to update us on our progress or send us medical reports or photos. So, in lieu of an exciting update on Dylan... I give you for your entertainment.... Crazy Frog (scroll down to the middle of the page for the video)

Now Introducing... Live from Blogland....

It's the Princess. She has joined her sister (me) on the dark side of technology (blogging). She speaks of what she knows... being Jewish and Single. She's an insanely talented writer (even though she probably wouldn't admit that) and I can guarantee you laughs. If you know of any nice, Jewish boys... send them to her blog too. Now, go flood her with hits (since I just told her how to get a counter on her site).

DTG!!! DTG!!!

Woo Hoo! Our Dossier was sent to Guatemala! That means we are just another step closer to bringing home our son! Now it gets translated and they request the DNA test. Great way to start the weekend no? ~dancing and twirling about~

Furniture Shopping, Registries and spinning... Oh My!

Wednesday night, my Mom and I went out for girls night out. Just the two of us. It was great because I don't get her all to myself very often. We went to this place I had heard of from friends to check out furniture for Dylan and found some amazing stuff! Our home is very open, clean lines, etc. The furniture I liked fit the whole house. Then, Mom begged me to get started on our registry (me thinks the cousins are making her nuts) so we headed over to the store and started registering. Mom had waaaayyyyy too much fun with that gun! I hope that Marc and I can head over this weekend and continue with the picking of the stuff. It was really nice. For the first time in, I can't tell you how long, I walked into a baby related store and wasn't asked when I was due. In fact, I got a few confused looks. My tummy is finally starting to go down! I don't look pregnant any more. Then we went to dinner at this incredible restaurant. Bottle of wine, great food and great conversation. It was, well, great :) I had a crazy day at work yesterday but managed to go home and have some real quality time with Marc. I had been feeling a bit disconnected so it was great to reconnect again. This morning took my usual 6:30 a.m. spin class with Russell. This man is awesome. He comes up with the craziest combinations of music to spin to but it always works. Although I really could have lived without the 75 two second jumps at the end. Oh, and the topper of my morning... some guy slowed down as he was driving past me and gave me a little look over and a "hey baby" as I was walking into the office.

An Even Better Way To Start The Day

Soper from Uterine Wars has posted again and it's good news. Go over and read her latest post and give her some loving will ya? Yeah, worked out again today but took it a bit easy on myself. Instead of killing myself to get to the 6:15 a.m. spinning class, we just got in at our regular 6:30 a.m. time and I just worked out on the eliptical for 45 minutes. Now, that 15 minute difference is HUGE! That's 15 minutes of extra snuggle time. I love for snuggle time. I could just lay in bed for hours with Marc's arms around me. He has amazing guns. I have left a phone message and an email message for the agency. I am really hoping someone gets back to me today.

Good start to the day!

Went to the gym and lifted (lower body). I was walking by a mirror and I realized that my posture is coming back. I'm starting to stand straighter with my shoulders down (which is good because when I stand straight - my belly doesn't stick out so much). I'm very excited for the Princess (my baby sister). Her birthday is coming up and a bunch of friends she made when she was living in Israel are coming in (pretty much from all over the world) for her birthday. She is just so excited to see them all and I know how much she has been missing them. We are having a big brunch so I will finally get to meet all of these people that have corrupted my sweet, innocent little sister (coughbullshitcough). hehehehe

Some Fucked Up Shit in Blogland

Ok readers - I know you are out there and that each and every one of you are wonderful loving people. Please delurk and give some much needed love to Soper. She is living every adoptive parent's worse nightmare. She traveled 30 hours to be told that there is no child waiting for her and her husband. Please delurk yourselves and give her your support, prayers, good wishes, etc. Thanks!

I'm so freaking sore!

Marc and I spent the weekend working on our landscaping. From all of the trimming and pulling of weeds, etc. my body just hurts. Of course I also added some insult to my injuries by taking a spinning class this morning. I was so tired going into it that at one point I thought I was going to throw up all over the bike and had to slow down. Yep, I'm an idiot. We also got an alarm system this weekend. It's pretty cool and I definately feel safer in the house alone. On the adoption front - everything should be coming back authenticated from the Guatemalan Embassy this week and from there it's sent to Guatemala for translation. I'm also hoping we get new pictures and a new medical report this week.

Another Infertile Gets Knocked Up!

Go give Dead Bug some serious lovin! That girl is sporting a HcG of 136! It must be the heat. So many of my infertile blogging buddies are getting their miracles. I pray that all of you get your dreams fulfilled. I promise a snarky non-crunchy post later :)

Happy Birthday Baby

Dylan is 3 weeks old today. I can't wait to meet him.

Finished Paperwork, Names and Friends

Well, our last document has come and gone. The wonderful 171H (or 797H depending on who you ask) is off to the nice dossier lady in South Carolina. Unless there is a problem (G-d forbid) we are done with our paperwork for now. Now we just wait to bring Dylan home. Oops... did that just slip out? Yes, we've decided to go with Dylan and are still playing with middle name(s). On the "not about Dylan" front, I'm almost finished knitting Marc's scarf which means I will be starting on Dylan's blanket soon. On Saturday, I got to meet a bunch of amazing ladies that I had met online at Fertility Friend. They were part of a local group of posters that I have gotten to know over the past year. They are an amazing group of women and I feel so honored to be able to count them as friends. Liana is a very talented knitter and extremely patient teacher. We got together in a fabulous coffee shop to knit and chat. Since I knew how to knit already, she gave me some pointers and helped me decide on a lovely blanket for Dylan. Cecily couldn't join us but I was finally able to meet the lovely Tara and my adoption buddy Barb. There are many other amazing women in this group that I hope to meet soon. As much of a curse as infertility has been for us, it has also been a huge blessing. Without it I wouldn't have these amazing people in my life. Without it I wouldn't have Dylan.

Hurry Up!

and wait. That's the stage we are at now. A courier has, most likely, dropped off our Dossier at the Guatemalan Embassy in DC. In about a week to ten days it gets authenticated and the Dossier lady will send it down to Guatemala for translation and then we wait for the request for DNA. That is still a few weeks away. So I will just look forward to receiving a new photo of the baby along with his medical report. We had fun this weekend but I felt bad because Marc worked Saturday and Sunday. We saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory & Fantastic Four at the drive in on Saturday. I loved Charlie and hated Fantastic Four. While Marc worked on Sunday, I layed out at my Mom's pool. ***Sign my map please! I see really cool readers from really cool places that haven't signed my map so... please sign my map - it's that cool icon to the left of the post. Thanks!***

****BANGARANG!!!*******

Everything except the I797 is now on it's way to the Dossier Prep lady. Our photos, our passport copies, all of our authenticated documents, everything. She is going to put them together and take them to DC to have the Guatemala Consultate authenticate everything. Then everything goes down to Guatemala to begin the process there. Hang tight little one - Mommy and Daddy are working hard to bring you home.

We're getting closer!

We are now certified (or certifiable depending on who you ask). We are now sending everything down to the lovely Ms D to take to the Guatemalan Consulate in DC and then she prepares our Dossier and sends it to Guatemala to begin the process down there. A few more steps closer to our son we are! I'm very excited. I'm finally meeting some of my virtual friends in real life! My inspiration for starting this blog was my friend Cecily. I met Cecily online at Fertility Friend on a board they have for local infertiles. We are all hanging out at an uber cool coffee house to chat, drink coffee and knit. I am looking forward to meeting these incredible women face to face. Oh, and since we didn't get to go to the drive-in last week, we decided to go this weekend. Well, now I'm really glad that we didn't get to go last week because now they are showing Charlie & the Chocolate Factory and Fantastic Four. Woo Hoo!!!!

Ohhhh, pretty, gold, shiny, medallion

That's what I saw when I pulled the authentications out of the envelope. One State down and one to go! Also still waiting on INS to get their collective asses in gear. Hoping to see that tomorrow or Friday. I would love to send everything down on Friday. That would be perfect. Today is the baby's two week birthday. My beautiful baby is two weeks old today. I told a woman in the gym that and she practically fell over. She was extremely pregnant (I actually felt sorry for her in this heat) and told me that I looked incredible for someone who just had a baby two weeks earlier. Of course all of my gym buddies cracked up laughing and blew my cover. Speaking of the gym, I got my ass kicked this morning by a 5 foot tall Swedish chick. She filled in for the spin instructor and did some shit I've never done before. I'm gonna be hurting tomorrow!

That was cool

Got the ultrasound (external one - YaY). Tech said that everything looks normal. She also called me skinny. I'm in love with the young, thin, blonde, beautiful ultrasound tech who called me skinny. I think I told her that too. She is my new best friend! So, the doctor's office called because the ultrasound place didn't have my referral. They made me sign off that I'd be responsible for the bill (which he assured me would be covered) and did the ultrasound. The doctor's office now tells me they are not capitated to that office and he shouldn't have done the ultrasound. I told her that she can tell him that if insurance doesn't cover it - they damn well better write it off. She said they'd fight it for me. This is why I love this office. Paperwork is pretty much done except for one thing that goes off tomorrow to be authenticated. I worked on the photo array and it came out quite nice (if I do say so myself). Just waiting on everything to come back from the state and the INS shit and then it's off to Guatemala! Woo Hoo!

Feed Me! Give Me Something to Drink!!!

I'm whining because I have to fast before this ultrasound. I don't want to go. I've had enough ultrasounds for a lifetime. Yes, I know this isn't the cootercam but still. I'm also whiny because I didn't see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory this weekend beause it was raining and I felt like shit. I'm also whiny because one of the reference letters has to be redone. Ok, enough whining... Marc and I really buckled down and stuck to our Weight Watcher program this week and I lost 4.8lbs and Marc lost 4.4lbs! Yay! Yesterday we went to a Phillies game and had tickets in the Diamond Dugout. What does that mean??? We sat three rows behind home plate, next to the Phillies Dugout (close enough to feel the air conditioning in the dugout) and everything is included. All our food, drinks, etc. I didn't go crazy because I wasn't feeling well but it was great fun and the Phillies won!

I'M SO EXCITED!!!!! (no, not baby related)

I just got an email from Marc. We have a date tomorrow night. We are going here. I can't wait!!!! One of my coworkers who just had a baby was making fun of me until he realized that he could actually go to the movies with his wife and baby!

~~~~ROAR!!!~~~~~~

That's how I feel this morning! Alive and in shape and amazing. I broke in my new spinning shoes and, wholly shit do they make a huge difference. For anyone reading this who doesn't know what spinning is, it's a cardio workout on a specialized stationary bike. On average, I burn about 600 calories in 45 minutes (which, in weight watchers terms is an extra 6 points for that day!). However... my body is being mean to me again. I went to the doctor about this weird pain I've been getting between my shoulder blades and the (teensy bit of TMI) constant burping. When I told the lovely Dr. F about my symptoms she was pretty sure it was gall bladder. I have an appointment Monday for an Ultrasound. Let's all hope that it's acid reflux (similar symptoms) and I just have to take some pills and not get my belly sliced open. Okay, I'm being melodramatic, it's laproscopic but I'm totally freaked out by the thought of having to do general anesthesia. You'd think with all of the procedures I've been through the past year I wouldn't care but.. that's one thing that has always scared me. Anesthesia. In the meantime, as I await my diagnosis I'm determined to be as healthy as I can because I have one minor live event and one MAJOR life event. Minor... 20 Year High School Reunion. MAJOR... bringing home my son.

~pppsssttttt~

Tania's pregnant! Pass it on :) Oh, and check out her lovely blog and tell her how great it is that she got knocked up her first round of IVF. She's feeling a bit freaked out and could use your good cheer Tania.

Just breathe

That's what I've been telling myself all day. Missed spinning class by 3 minutes (they locked the door) and I was so excited to break in my new spinning shoes. Just breathe and get on the elliptical for 45 minutes at the highest setting. Get a call from the Agency. Stand in social worker (our s/w is away for a few days) says "you are going to wire the money to Guatemala today right?" "I wasn't planning on it why?" "Oh, it has to be done today without fail. You may be able to do it tomorrow morning but that's pushing it". Just breathe. Called Marc and he took care of calling the bank. Left office for appointment with breast doctor and get a few blocks, realize I forgot the films. Just breathe, walk back to the office and then power walk a mile to the doctor's office getting very sweaty in the process. Get back and there is no confirmation from the bank. Marc is stuck doing something and I have to call the bank. Sitting on hold for over thirty minutes... just breathe. Explained situation to amazing woman at the bank and we have our tracking number for the wire transfer. Breathing is an amazing thing. No only does it keep us alive (duh) but it massages the internal organs. Everyone likes a good massage right? I have also come to the realization that the pains are definitely stress related. I was fine until the last part of this happened. Bang - pain right between the shoulder blades. I closed my eyes, took deep cleansing breaths and the pain subsided. Wow, do I sound granola crunchy or what??? Sorry gang. I'm not a crunchy kinda girl but this shit has kept me sane during a fairly insane day. Peace out :)

I be Smart

It's a really cool MIT survey for bloggers - go check it out!

Somewhat boring post

Nothing new to report - still working on the paperwork. Pretty close to having it ready for one state. Waiting on a few more items for the other state. I will say that the stress is getting to me and I think that is why I have felt like utter shit the past few days. Every time I eat or drink something (other than water) I get a horrible pain between my shoulder blades. I have an appointment with my doctor on Thursday to check my gall bladder. Hopefully, it's just the stress and will go away with time. Oh, and PLEASE SIGN MY MAP!!!! I have seen a huge increase in hits on my site and I'd love to know where you are all from!

Whew - this shit's bananas!

As my lovely husband likes to say. The notary seal from the home study and license should be fine - it's been approved in the past and we will send it up for authentication as is. Everything is coming along nicely. I got a call from our State Police to tell me that they are overnighting me the Good Conduct Letter. I got a call from Homeland Security saying that they are only working on June fingerprints now (we got ours done on 7/6 - the baby's birthday) but she would put us to the top of the pile since we have our referral (expected arrival - within 2 weeks). Our home study agency is getting us the missing paperwork that they are holding. We got the medical reports and blood work back (to my untrained eye- everyone looks ok) and I have sent it off to the doctor's office for a report to be issued. I have to say again how much I love my agency. If anyone is looking for an agency, please email me and I will be happy to discuss them with you. They have been wonderful. Even when I was bugging the home study agency (a division of the adoption agency) they were very patient with me. Marc and I are just so lucky.

So I'm sitting at my desk in my office

Just minding my own business when "ring, ring, ring". I answer the phone and it's the wonderful, amazing, incredible social worker L from my agency. "Julie?" She says. I said "Yes". "Hi! It's L from your agency and I was just wondering where we are on paperwork". So I explain to her that we are coming along nicely. There is a slight problem I just learned about from another adopter who is going through the same home study agency (notary is incorrect) and have to get that resolved but expect to by ready in a few weeks". "Really" she said. "Any chance you can speed things up?" I said "why?" Her response.... "because I have a referral for you. Everyone at the agency is waiting on a girl and I have a boy and he's beautiful". "HUH?????????? Are you serious??" She said "yep, if you are prepared, we can do this!". We just got our fingerprints done 2 days ago! I got the picture and called Marc. He was in his Mom's office. I asked him if he could get his email there and he said "no, why?" I said "because I'm looking at a picture of your son". He was so confused! I told him that we got the referral and he ran to his desk. I think he fell in love as quickly as I did. I didn't think I could love him any more than I already do but I just fell in love with him all over again. That was at 10:30 this morning. I have called INS to see if they can expedite our fingerprints, I've been calling the State Police to find out where our letter is, making an apponitment with the international adoption doctor. I'm in such a haze. Someone pinch me!

A little levity is needed here so....

A little story for you, my fair readers, of my brother-in-law. We shall call him, for the sake of the story, Mr. Jumpy. Mr. Jumpy HATES loud noises. Especially those directed at him or happen near him. Take the first time I made the hideous mistake of beeping my car horn at him. I was read the riot act on that. Today, my darling husband, who works with Mr. Jumpy, is getting ready to run his daily errands. He puts his keys in his pocket, gets his paperwork together and then realizes there was something that need to be done before he left so he sat down. Now, dear readers, inside of darling husband's pants pocket along with those little keys is a remote. It looks like a car remote but it's not. It's the remote to the new alarm system they just had installed in their office. Well, one of those keys must have hit the panic button just as Mr. Jumpy is walking by the alarm. Well, Mr. Jumpy hit the roof and knowing him... Squealed like a little girl. Marc said he thougth they were going to have to call a brown alert on that one (eeewwww).

So Sad

They found the little girl I posted about. They found her in a river and they said she had not drowned, that she was murdered and placed there. What the fuck is wrong with people today? How do you look at a child and want to hurt them? My prayers have gone out to this poor child and her family, her friends and her community. My prayers are also with my friends in England. I hope you catch the cowards who did this to you.

Missing Child

Missing Child Have you seen this child? I learned about her on Jamilia's blog. She has been missing for 6 days. Please keep her & her family in your prayers. She was last seen in her mother's apartment in Northern Iowa. To read more about the possible abduction, please click here.

What a weekend!

We were supposed to fly up to Boston on Friday. Our flight was supposed to leave at 5:30 but by 8:00 we knew we weren't going anywhere (bad weather). We rebooked our flight, reclaimed our luggage and headed home to take care of some, well, stuff (wink wink). We woke up early, Marc mowed the lawn and, a few showers later, we were at the airport again. This time we did, in fact, take off and make it to Boston at 2:30 pm. Andy and Lori picked us up and we headed back to the house. The house is beautiful with lots of comfy bedrooms and a big kitchen and 2 car garage and a beautiful deck and two incredible inhabitants who know how to make people feel loved and welcomed. We wandered around Boston and just ordered pizza and hung out all night. Oh, and don't play duck duck goose around a campfire when you are drunk. Just leads to bruises. Sunday there was a huge bbq at the house and my good friend Joelle & her boyfriend joined the festivities. Lots of incredible food, friends and booze made for a fun night. There was volleyball, croquet (did I spell that right), stupid word games. It was amazing. Monday we just vegged till it was time to come home. We are heading out tomorrow to get fingerprinted. Hopefully it wont' be too horrible a wait. Then, we get our stuff out to the State(s) for authentication and then... our dossier will be complete! YAYYYYYYYY

~GONE FISHING~

Ok, we're not going fishing. We're going to Boston to see our good friends, Andy and Lori (see below). We met Andy & Lori at a swing dance class I made Marc take with me. They were the only "normal" people besides us (stop snickering). We had a great time and have been friends ever since. We still love them even though they abandoned us and moved to Boston :) So we are leaving tonight to go up and visit them. To all of my blog buddies and friends in cyberspace... have a groovy weekend. Have fun, be safe and if you are going to Live 8.... have a blast! Oh yeah, before you go, if you haven't already done so... SIGN MY MAP!!! Me and Andy Me and Lori

What the hell was I thinking????

Get up extra early this morning because I wanted to take the 6:15 a.m. (yep - that's morning folks) spin class that I hear is incredible. Drag poor Marc out of bed, run to the gym, get to class to try out the new bikes and then got my ass thoroughly kicked by Judy the awesome Spin instructor. Not only did she have incredible kick ass music but she had an incredible energy about her. Yelling "go go go" and "you're doing great!" At one point she was yelling "Pick it up, Pick It Up, you've got it!" I opened my eyes (I usually have my eyes closed when I spin) and she was looking right at me. I was in the front to her side - no one was near me so I know it she was talking to me which just made me triple my efforts. Oh, and if that's not enough abuse for one morning... Marc has the car today because Mom is picking me up after work to go for facials. I walk outside, feel a slight breeze so I say to myself Fuck the taxi - I'll walk 2 miles to work. By the time I got to the office, I was drenched in sweat.

WE HAVE....... (baby post)

BABIES!!! My dear, sweet, wonderful friends Bob & Alyssa had their twins over the weekend. Babies, Mom & Dad are home and are doing well.

So Much Happiness

Please keep my friends Bob & Alyssa and their beautiful little twins in your prayers this weekend. Alyssa is being induced tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you four all weekend! Everyone - I wish you a wonderful weekend.

Today's Happy Post Goes to....

Cubbie!!!! She's getting a daughter! A beautiful little girl to call her very own. The lovely Cubbie has been in the process of trying to adopt an older child and out of the many, many people who wanted to be her Mommy, they picked the lovely Cubbie (need to give those social workers a huge pat on the back for that one). Cubbie, I'm just so happy for you and your new family! Mozel Tov!

We may have a possible pregnancy sighting in Blogland

Over at PJ's it looks like we may have a few lines on the pee stick. Let's all keep our fingers crossed that it's not her HcG shot but the real deal. Go PJ Go!!!!!!

There he was just a walking down the street

Just about every Wednesday night, Marc and I go to the comic book store to pick up the week's new comics. Usually, Marc will go in and I will wait in the car because, well, boys and girls that read comic books sometimes have an aversion to showers and it stinks in there. Anyway, Marc is in the shop and I had driven around the block looking for parking when, to my amazement, I see "The Legendary Wid" crossing the street. ~looking around the blog at all of the blank stares~ You've never heard of The Legendary Wid???? You need to google this lovely, hysterical comedian and, if he's performing in your area, you need to go see him. He's uses a lot of props in his act and he's, well, he's fucking hysterical! Anyway, the Wid and I go waaaaayyyyyyyyy back. I honked my horn and waved but I really didn't think he'd remember me. He came over and that brilliant mind is still as sharp as ever! He said "we used to work together". Yep, the old Comedy Works. I ran a karaoke show in the restaurant in the club called "The Fun House". He would always hang out with us before and after his show and sing (he has a great voice). After I left that gig I saw he was performing in my neighborhood and went to see him. As he rushed out onto the stage he stopped, looked at me, laughed, got on stage and said "I'm confused - we doing karaoke tonight?" No one got it but me but that's ok. I love being in on the joke. We asked about some friends we used to have in common and then he called his manager, Kevin, and put him on the phone w/me. It was nice to catch up. Meanwhile, I keep waiting for Marc to come out of the store and see this crazy man pacing next to the car talking to me (Wid always paces). But the Wid had to dash and Marc didn't get to meet him. Oh well. He still performs in the area so we will have to catch a show one of these days. Oh, speaking of shows. Marc and I have a date on Saturday afternoon. We are seeing Sweeney Todd! I love that show (yes, I am twisted - duh!). On Sunday, Mom, Princess and I are heading to NY with a bunch of other Jewish women (it's a synagogue trip) to see Dirty Rotten Scoundrels on Broadway. A theater weekend. I'm looking forward to it.

My Poor Sweet Husband

I'm still at work. My poor sweet husband called me with such distress in his voice. "I have so much to do I just don't know when I'll be done". He sounded so desperate. I could hear "I want to go home now" in his voice. I can't let him take the train. He sounds so beat and it's Wednesday and I'm sure he'll want to go get his comics so here I wait for my love. So, since I have some time on my hands... how about we continue the interview game. First... the rules... 1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying "interview me." 2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different. 3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions. 4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post. 5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions. And now... Drum roll please....my questions for my little blogger friends.... To my little friend Zeeks 1. What is your favorite childhood memory. 2. How did you meet your hubby? 3. Who is your hero? 4. If I gave you a hundred million dollars, what would you do with it? 5. Why are you a vegetarian? To my new friend Deanna 1. How did you get into Herding? 2. Are you religious and, either way, why? 3. What is your biggest fear? 4. What do you do for a living? 5. If you could be a comic book hero, who would it be? To my little fried in the UK MsPru 1. Why did you move to the UK? 2. What do you miss the most about the US? 3. If a genie granted you 3 wishes, what would you wish for? 4. What do you regret? 5. What are you most proud of? To my new friend Iselyahna 1. What are you studying? 2. How did you come up with your blog name? 3. What's the most dangerous thing you have ever done? 4. What is your dream vacation? 5. What moves you more.. movies, TV or music and why? To my new friend Jamila 1. Who is your favorite author and book? 2. What gives you warm fuzzies? 3. Do you believe in G-d? 4. Are you close to your family? 5. Do you believe your husband is your soulmate? If so, why? To my dear sweet Cubbie, thanks! That was a blast!

YYYIIIIPPPPPPEEEEE!!!

Lumi is ok! ~doing an insane dance in the middle of my office~

I know you are around here somewhere

I know you are around, I can feel you.. poking at my uterus and snickering behind my back. Don't you think I can recognize you a mile away? I've known you since I was 11 years old. I know what that icky, weepy, crampy, pull the covers over my head for a week feeling means. My period will be arriving soon. Probably today because I forgot that it was due and wore my lovely new white capris. It's funny. You'd think that since I'm adopting I wouldn't mind getting it. That since we are not "officially" trying, that it wouldn't bother me. If you think that, you're nuts. It's not that I thought I was pregnant. Not at all. It's more that I feel like it's mocking me. My body appears to do what it's supposed to do every 28 days yet there is no purpose to it. My pain will never produce a child. It will just be there, mocking me, every 28 days. So... to my period I say.... Fuck You! --------------------------------------- If you are wondering what happened to my meltdown(s), I've decided that I need to put them away for a little while. Pull them back from the world. I kept obsessing over them, re-reading them at every opportunity and I need to move on from it so I pulled them back. Thank you again for all of your kind words. ---------------------------------------- Oh yeah..... SIGN MY MAP

Lend me your prayers/ good thought/vibes/etc.

My friend Lumi over at Illumination Maybe is having a scare right now. She is about 7 or 8 weeks pregnant and is experiencing bleeding. Please send her your good thought, prayers, vibes, voodoo dances, whatever you feel comfortable offering her. She needs us right now. Lumi - we are all here for you. We love you! Take care of yourself and your little one.

Move Along, Nothing To See Here, Just Another Crazy Infertile

Whew. That was a hell of a meltdown. I'm ok though. I think I just had that little bit more to throw out there. I slept a little better last night (still had crazy dreams - just not as horrible) and will hopefully get a good nights sleep tonight. I took a spin class this morning and I use that time to do visualization. I'll see myself riding this bike by a mountain stream or by the ocean or somewhere else. Sometimes I will picture myself riding over the person causing me problems. Today I just saw myself letting this go. I cried (crying while spinning isn't a good idea but hey - what the hell) and peddled like a maniac. Time to refocus on happy things. I need to find my positive energy again. Thank you all for your kind thoughts and words.

Fertility Dance (warning - pregnancy related post)

Just doing a little happy dance for my good from Lumi at Illumination Maybe. After playing "if I stare at the stick long enough" and "the rising HcG levels don't mean anything do they", we have a heartbeat! A beautiful, strong heartbeat! Please keep this wonderful woman and child in your prayers/good thoughts/happy vibes/voodoo dances, etc.

Another Notch! Bam!

The home study is being overnighted by my darling wonderful husband to INS. We will anxiously await our fingerprinting request. YaY!

Tag! I'm It!

My buddy over at

Cubbiegirl

has issued a challenge. A game of tag if you will. Here are the rules.... 1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying "interview me." 2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different. 3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions. 4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post. 5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions. and now... Drum roll please....my questions and answers... 1. What religious background were you raised in, and do you practice that today? I was raised Jewish and still consider myself a practicing Jew. We don't belong to a synagogue so we are really just a couple of wandering Jews at the present time. 2. What has more impact on you: movies, books, or music and why? Do I really have to pick just one? I have seen movies that have changed the way I feel about the world, read books that have given me great passion and sadness, have heard songs that have caused me to pull over because they make me cry so hard. It's really so hard to say. If I had to pick one I'd say music. Why? Because once a song touches me a certain way, it seems like it always touches me in the same way. 3. In the past five years, what about you has changed for the better, and what has changed for the worst? I quit smoking, gained about 50lbs and have taken 40lbs of it off. I found out that I can't have children but discovered that adoption is a wonderful choice. 4. If a Genie gave you three wishes, what would you chose? 1. To spend eternity with my husband. 2. To be a stay at home mom to a house full of kids. 3. Not to ever have to worry about money again. 5. What is the most important thing about being married that no one ever told you? The correct way to communicate (which we have learned to do). We are, by no means perfect at it... but we definitely work at it. Ok - who wants to be interviewed??? Oh, and don't forget to sign the map :)

If you have 10 minutes, high speed internet and

A huge ass box of tissues - check out this video. http://homepage.mac.com/kevintwit/iMovieTheater33.html My good friend Tara passed this on to me and it's about a family adopting a little girl from China. Very well done and just, well, beautiful! Oh, and don't forget to sign my map :)

Sign My Map!

Let me know where you are from. It's the link to the left of this post under "View My Profile". It's the white icon with "View My Guestmap" "Click Here" and ""Place your Pin" flashing with the globe. I'd love to know where everyone is from.

Coming Out of the Closet Part Duex

When my Mom was told that we were adopting, we weren't that surprised at her response.. "I'm designing the baby's room!" My Mom has amazing taste. Well, in the Baby's room there is a closet whose doors were removed by the painters we had hired to paint the house when we moved in and they never bothered to put them back on. That gave my Mom a great idea. Since the room was relatively small to begin with, forget the doors, do a closet organizer and put custom curtains over the closet. It took Marc 8 hours to put the closet organizer together and it took the drape guy about a half an hour do to the this..... closet We also had custom blinds and cornice done to match window Oh, and the day they put up the blinds and stuff, Mom showed up with that bear. How fucking cute is that??? Oh, if you want a Shelly Original, I will hire her out. Kidding. Ok I'm not. I think my Mom would be great at this.

Why is it that some people just have no common sense

when it comes to speaking to a woman about very personal issues? We have my friend over at The Naked Ovary who has been getting pregnanted left and right. Pregnanted is the act of telling someone you are adopting and the response you receive is something along the lines of "Oh, now you will get pregnant". The other definition is, well, more hideous. It's when someone mistakes you for being pregnant when you are not. I have had this happen many many times. I carry all of my weight in my stomach (thanks Dad!). Another friend of mine from weight watchers was just telling a story about how a woman at work asked her what she is going to do now that she is pregnant - isn't she going to gain back all of the weight she just lost?? I'm sure my ww buddy wanted to say something like "no you stupid cunt, I plan on starving myself during pregnancy so that I able to maintain my weight". Oh, did I mention that she's "one of us"? ~peeking around cyberspace looking for Mrs M~ Congrats Sweetie! So tell me, why do complete strangers feel the need to ask people insanely personal questions? While in an airport in Jamaica returning from vacation a black woman asked me when I was due (you'll understand the need for color reference as the story progresses). I just looked at her and said "do I now you?". She said "No". I asked "Are you sure?" She said "Yes, I'm sure". I asked "did we go to school together?" She, being very much younger than myself replied "doubt it". I asked (here's where the color reference comes in) "are we related? cousins maybe?" She laughed hysterically and said "definitely not". I looked her dead in the eye and said "then what would possess you to ask such an intimate question of a complete stranger? I'm not pregnant, I'm fat - thanks for asking". I hope that that experience has caused her never to ask that question of another woman again. Now this experience was long before my fertility shit. If I had been on clomid, I'd be rotting in a Jamaican jail. I usually use the pregnanted statement of "Oh, you'll get pregnant after you adopt" as an opportunity to educate the obviously ignorant person on the new technologies that exist to diagnose infertility. Of course, there was the one time I was in a mood and a woman who tried to pregnanted me said "Oh, you'll get pregnant after you adopt" my response to her was "G-d I hope not!'. Shut her up. The most fun I have is when stupid people ask me when Marc and I are going to start a family. I love it when it's at some kind of social event and I have a drink in my hand. ~insert Jewish accent here~ "So, when are you two going to start a family?" Me - we are expecting around the end of the year. Causing said questioners eyes to dart back and forth between my face, my stomach and my drink which I usually pound for dramatic effect and excuse myself to get another. So, tell me, what are some of the idiotic remarks you have gotten lately?

Gently closing the door behind me

The home study is complete. Social Worker J is mailing out the notarized Home Study today. That phase of our adoption is complete. We then (I think) send it to INS and then the fingerprinting stuff begins. I'm so excited. Things seem to be moving along in a timely fashion. As I mentioned before, Marc spent 8 hours on Memorial Day putting together a beautiful closet organizer that my mom designed at Organized Living. Now we are ready for Lonnie, the custom drapes guy, to put up the drapes on the closet and also the blinds on the window. Mom was very excited because she was watching a design show and saw her idea on the show. I can't wait to see the final product. Then, we just have to pick out the baby's furniture. Traditionally, Jews do not buy baby furniture, clothes, etc. until after the baby has been born. It's more superstition than anything else but I just don't want to do anything else until we get the referral. After that, the baby has been born so we can buy stuff! Had a rough day today. Club owner was a complete dickwad and yelled at me because I couldn't find a file. Told me that I was unprofessional and that I must get paid $6 an hour to sit on the phone. I told him that I could buy and sell his redneck ass and that I don't have the time to entertain his temper tantrums, he can call my boss. hehehehe - my boss will kick his ass :) It's nice working for a company that when someone says "I want your superior" you know that the person you are sending him/her to will back you up 100% (if you are right - which I always am). It's also nice to be able to call someone a cocksucking dickwad redneck to your boss and have your boss laugh. I love my job!

Paranoid Much????

So I was just checking out my sitemeter to see who's been cruising my blog and I see a URL that says uscourts.gov. Ok, if you are reading this and you work for the US courts, please don't be offended but that totally freaked me out. I got to thinking - what if someone who is reading this has some kind of say in my adoption process and then they look back and see me fling the "c" word around with abandon. AACCCKKK Admit it adoption people, would that freak you out or am I just being a paranoid freak?

Stomach in yummy knots

My stomach is all kinds of turned around, upside down, twisting, turning, churning in happy glee. I just spoke w/the senior home study social worker who has been on maternity leave since we begun this process. She's as super cool as Social Worker "S" and Social Worker "L". I faxed her over the last of my home study paperwork and she said she would be sending a notarized copy to INS by Wednesday. Hopefully, they will have it by Friday and we will have begun the next stage of our adoption process. WWWHHHHHEEEEEEEEEE

Hear that???

Silence. Marc's Dad, Stepmom & Brothers stayed with us this weekend. It was noisy in the house for the first time. I absolutely loved it! It's the sounds of things to come. Hopefully, by the end of the year, my house will be noisy non-stop. The sounds of our son, our families visiting our son will fill our home. My brother-in-law & sister-in-law's wedding reception was this weekend at the Zoo. I have to say, they did a beautiful job. We had so much fun dancing among the animals. The band was wonderful. The food was fun (hamburgers, hot dogs, bbq chicken, ice cream & watermelon). The wine flowed freely which just made me want to dance in the fountain but no one would dance with me. I wasn't hammer but apparently if someone wants to dance in a fountain, everyone will assume that you were. Nope, I'd dance in that beautiful fountain sober too. I need to call the doctor's office. We STILL haven't received the medical report. We need the medical report to get the home study completed. AAACCCKKK!!!

Being Overwhelmed (happily)

Have you ever just been going about your day and then all of a sudden you get this incredibly overwhelming feeling of love. At the same moment your significant other pops into your mind. That's how I feel right this moment. I just thought about seeing Marc tonight and my heart just swelled in my chest. I can't wait to see him. I just saw him in the gym this morning but it seems like it was ages ago. I miss him. I want to hug him and kiss him and hold him. We've been married 3 1/2 years and I'm still honeymoon crazy in love with him. Have a wonderful weekend. As long as I'm with My Love, I know I will.

All right people....

Let me remind you of my friend Heather (http://talesfromthestirrups.blogspot.com/2005/05/we-interrupt-your-regularly-scheduled.html). Heather is riding in the Race for Roses and is trying to raise money for cancer research through the Lance Armstrong foundation. ________________________________________ Ok, beg-a-thon is now over. Well, my brother-in-law got married this past Thanksgiving in St. Thomas. This weekend is the reception for the rest of the world (300 people!) at the zoo. My father-in-law, his wife and there two kids are staying with us. They got in at 1:30 this morning and I, of course, woke up for all of 2 seconds. I managed to drag my sorry ass out of bed this morning and make a spin class. This is after taking a kick ass yoga class on Wednesday and lifting (upper body) yesterdya. Needless to say I'm a big bruise and I'm looking forward to taking the weekend off from fitness. Have a groovy weekend and hopefully I have some stories of people getting drunk and stupid come Monday.

~sigh~ I Love That Man of Mine!

It was a crazy weekend. Marc had to work on Saturday to take care of some loose ends around the office. I painted the closet in the baby's room (I love saying that). I also painted our bathroom. Sunday we went to a bbq so yesterday we had a ton of work to do in the house. Marc put in the closet organizer. It took him 8 hours to do (this was NOT as simple as they made it out to be) but it looks amazing. My parents came over and were duly impressed as well. I promise to post pics of the closet as soon as I can. While he was working on the closet, I mowed the lawn for the first time. My hands are killing me today from the vibrations of the lawn mower. It doesn't look as good as when he does it but at least it's done. Marc's father, step mother & step brothers are coming in for Adam's (Marc's brother) wedding reception. Adam was married in November and the reception is this weekend at the zoo. His father and crew are staying with us. YaY! 2 teenagers in the house. I can't wait! His little (11 & 15) brothers are adorable and I can't wait to see them. His Dad and Step Mom are very sweet and it will be nice to have them around. ****** Oh - look out below! I broke 10,000 hits on my blog. I feel so loved! ******

YaY, it's the weekend!!!!

And we almost have everything together for the home study! All we really need now is the medical report which the doctor said he'd mail out no later than Tuesday. Once that is done, we just have to review the report and then S will send it off to INS so they can issue our appointment for fingerprinting. I think once that comes back ok (which it will), we can get our referral!!! AAAACCCCKKKKK!!! I know we have a few more things to do for the dossier. So much to do this weekend. Marc has some work to do so he's going to stay in town tomorrow and I'm going to go home, paint the closet again in the baby's room (the wall just sucked up the paint) and I'm going to paint our bathroom. If I can remember, I'll do before and after pics. We have a BBQ on Sunday and my parents are coming over on Monday. Have a great weekend everyone!

The Stalker

Why are you following me? You look over and smile and I think to myself "what the fuck is a pregnant woman doing in a smokey bar". As you walk by me you say to yourself (outloud) "guess I'm the only pregnant woman in here". What? Mocking me are you? You want to take this outside? You walk away and I am saved from beating a pregnant woman in the middle of a bar. I sit at the bar, chatting with my darling husband and the super cool radio DJ's that allowed us to come to this shindig and decide it's time to go to the ladies room. I wander around until I'm told that it's upstairs. I go up the flight of stairs, into the ladies room and take care of business. I walk out and there's my stalker walking into the ladies' room. I immediate begin to wash my hands and avoid any eye contact and she says to me "scary up here isn't it?" I grab a few paper towels, smile and walk out of the ladies room. You have no idea how scary it is sister, no idea. We watch Lost in a smoky bar for 2 hours . I don't know why I cried when the baby was taken by the French woman. It really bothered me. We head home, the stalker left far behind. In the mail we had gotten a note. On the front of the card is a picture of a beautiful baby smiling from ear to ear. Inside was a heart wrenching note from the parents who had lost their 8 month old daughter a few months back (see http://talesfromthestirrups.blogspot.com/2005/03/and-ride-comes-to-screeching-halt.html and http://talesfromthestirrups.blogspot.com/2005/04/warning-very-sad-post.html). I cried and then I put the photograph on our mantel. I got my period about 5 days early and I'm an emotional wreck. I really just feel like laying in bed and sleeping but I can't. I'm at work.

We are out of the closet!

I decided to put our pic on the blog so you can see our silly faces. We were very happy after many Marc-O-Rita's at our friends Lori & Andy's house on New Year's Eve. I love this picture because we are happy and I love to see my Sweetie's beautiful smile.

Note to Self

Taking a spin class in the morning and having sex with the husband that night is probably not a good idea. Walking funny today (but wearing a huge smile). Sorry if you feel that was TMI but it's my blog and I can brag if I wanna! Still waiting to hear back on the home study. I don't know if she is waiting for the few final documents from us or not. I just dropped her an email today so I'm sure I'll hear back soon.

~sigh~ It's Monday

And I'm already wishing for the weekend. I love my company. Instead of the usual "call 400 customers and sell a million dollars worth of product" my company recognizes that most of us will be in vacation mode and sent out an email stating "the office will close at 2pm on Friday, have a great holiday!" We have planned to have no plans this weekend. We'll see how that works out. I still have to do another layer of paint in the baby's closet because the wall just sucked up the first coat (I know, I know, we should have primed it). Then Marc (who told me that we should prime the wall first and I didn't listen to him) is going to build the closet organizer. While he's doing that, I'm going to be painting our master bathroom the prettiest shade of periwinkle blue. More paperwork being done. Joelle's referral got lost in the mail and she has to redo it. She's such a sweetie. We saw her perform yesterday at my old Synagogue. OMG this little girl has a super big voice. She was having such a good time performing we couldn't help but have a great time listening to her. Well, back to the grind. Oh, and please check my last post and donate, if you can, to the Lance Armstrong Foundation. Heather is doing all the work, all you have to do is donate some money.

We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Program, To Bring You This VERY Important Message

from my friend Heather...... I am writing this letter to invite you to help people with cancer and their families, LIVE STRONG! Last year I decided that I needed to join the fight against cancer. Cancer has affected me throughout my life as I am sure it has affected most of you in some way or another. I made this decision because my mother is a two-year survivor of breast cancer and I had a brother who died of cancer called neuroblastoma. For me, finding out my mom had breast cancer was very frightening. I was with her during the visits to the doctor, her surgery, and her radiation treatments. Thankfully, we are able to celebrate the fact that the doctor removed all the cancer and that she is going to be fine. It has been two year and she is still cancer free. As for my brother, I have no memory of what my family went though. I was born the year after he died. He had a rare childhood cancer called neuroblastoma that has recently received national coverage thanks to Alexandra Scott and Alex's Lemonade Stand. Alex and my brother Scott had the same type of cancer. Scott unfortunately did not live as long as Alex, Scott was 23 months when he died Alex was 10 years old. While I never knew him, he has always been a part of my life. I have come to know the challenges that my parents and sister went through during his illness and the people that they met and supported them. In October 2004, I met a new challenge: I rode in the Bristol Myers Squibb Tour of Hope, which benefits the Lance Armstrong Foundation. This is a ride between Los Angeles and Washington, D.C. I joined the Tour on the last leg into Washington. It was very emotional for me to ride up to the point where we met the national riders and see people from all over the country unite for one cause to help raise money for cancer. As we started that last leg, we were greeted by a large number of people holding signs thanking us for our efforts in fighting cancer. It made me realize that I was making a difference in many of these people's lives. We rode as one massive group to help fight cancer, to help fund cancer education and to support people with cancer. I am asking you to help me raise money this year because I am riding in the Ride for the Roses, part of the Lance Armstrong Foundation's Peloton Project in Austin, TX in October. The Peloton Project is the Lance Armstrong Foundation's major grassroots fundraising initiative that brings together a diverse group of volunteers' dedicated to helping people living with cancer live strong. My goal for 2005 is to raise $10,000 for the foundation. I will pay all my expenses to and from Austin. All money I collect will go to the Lance Armstrong Foundation. I ask that you sponsor me by contributing to the Lance Armstrong Foundation. You can send your contribution to me (made payable to the Lance Armstrong Foundation) at 300 S. Lenola Road, Maple Shade, NJ 08052 or visit that Foundation web site at http://tinyurl.com/d7g6u to put your contribution on your credit card. Thank you for your help in supporting the efforts of the Lance Armstrong Foundation to help people with cancer, and their families, LIVE STRONG! Heather Garnick P.S. Please forward this email on to all those people you know that are affected by cancer, everyone can help LIVE STRONG!

Fighting my inner demons

We all have them. For some people it's drugs, for other people it's alcohol, for me it's my weight loss. After going through fertility treatments I have gained about 12lbs (which, in the fertility treatment world, that's pretty low). I noticed that even though I am doing Weight Watchers and I'm in the gym 6 days a week, I haven't lost. So I go to the doctors because I'm convinced that those evil drugs fucked up my thyroid. My doctor explains that it could take up to 6 months to get those nasty drugs out of my system but she checks my thyroid just to be sure. Nope, not my thyroid. Then, this past weekend, I get a fitness assessment done and I'm told that my cardio range is on the poor side. In response to this information I take, keep up and complete a spin class on Monday (fuck you trainer guy). Yesterday, I get to the gym and get onto the elliptical machine. I'm peddling along and I hear my brain say "Hey, you are taking yoga tonight, you really don't have to kill yourself here". Other side of the brain responds "Um, yes you do - your cardio sucks remember?" Then, the one man I can't argue with, Will Smith, pops up with his new video "Switch" and it's all over. Will looks at me as the video is starting and says "get that ass going girl". So away the feet go (with the hill climb program on the elliptical) and I'm just jamming away. The next few videos rocked as well and just kept pushing. The whole time my brain was fighting. When I finished I realized that my heart rate was up higher than it's been in ages. Last night I took a yoga class. They keep the class pretty warm (not as warm as bikram but close). I was sweating my ass off. My brain was fighting again (and if you two don't cut it out I will be forced to separate you!) but the good side kept winning and I kept pushing. I got on the scale this morning and half way through the week, I'm already down 2 pounds. I guess it's time to come clean.... I haven't been pushing myself hard enough. Just showing up at the gym isn't enough. I have to push myself beyond my comfort zone. I have to get super sweaty and gross and not be able to talk because I am working so hard. Maybe if I keep this up, I will actually get to goal by the end of the year (20lbs away).

Still learning the blogging process..

I wrote something, decided I didn't want it posted and deleted it and then I had this huge hole on my blog so I just thought I'd ramble a bit to fill up the space. Sawry!

Nothing new to report so....

I was just wondering. What are your favorite blogs (besides mine of course). I read about 28 blogs right now and want to read more. Doesn't have to be infertility or adoption. Give me your best url's! _______ Please check out all of the new fabulous blogs I've added to my list. I've been very lax lately about adding them (sorry fellow bloggers!).

Attention Bible Thumpers...

Don't bother posting your comments here - they will only be deleted. I have no respect for you or what you have to say.

Wholly Smokes! What was I thinking!

Over the weekend I did a fitness assessment. The trainer who did my assessment said that my strength is in the "excellent" range but my cardio was the pits. So what do I do?? I took a spin class this morning. OH MY POOR COOTER! Now I know why I didn't take any spin classes while going through fertility treatments. That would definitely have sent me right over the edge. For anyone who doesn't know what spinning is, it's an intense cardio workout on a stationary bike in a dark room with thumping music blasting and black lights. I have decided to do 2 classes a week. 2 classes a week should definitely get my cardio range up. Now, what I don't understand is, most people with a poor/fair cardio range should not be able to keep up in that class. I kept up quite well. The only reason I had to slow down at the end was not because I was out of breath or too tired, it's because my cooter was screaming at me to stop. So, to the trainer who told me that my cardio sucked - fuck you (said nicely since he's generally a good guy). ----------------------------------------- We worked on the baby's room this weekend. Marc took out the shelf and the pole in the closet and ripped the stuff off the wall. I spackled and painted the woodwork. Some point between now and next weekend we will sand down the spackled areas, paint the closet and build the organizer (ok, Marc will build the organizer). ----------------------------------------- Congrats to Cecily on getting her dream home. May it be filled with love and laugher.

Spoke with the doctor (and update on the paperwork)

I spoke with my gynocologist about her nurse. Turns out, it's a nurse that I (normally) think very highly of. She doesn't know why the nurse would have said that to me and will discuss it with her today. So, I got the medical report back in the mail from my new physician and I also got a lovely letter from our VP of Finance confirming that I am employee "in good standing". Moving right along :)

FUCK YOU GOD!

It is 8 pm on Wed night. I just got off the phone w/the imaging center. They are squeezing me in tomorrow a.m. You see, they found two "nodes" in my left breast and just have to be sure it's nothing. "It's probably only a cyst". That's what they said. By the time you read this, I will have answers. I can't post this on my blog before I have answers. I don't know if my Mom reads my blog or not but this is not the way to find out that my first mamogram was also my first breast cancer scare. I needed to write because I'm so fucking scared. I feel so alone. I just walked with 45,000 women who have, in some way, been touched by breast cancer yet I feel like the only person in the world to have an abnormal mamogram. I KNOW I'M OVERREACTING. I know it's probably just a cyst. I'm just terrified of the other possibilities. Did you know that if I have breast cancer it completely fucks up our chances of adopting??? If that happens I'm going to be a crazy cat lady. Marc brought me flowers to try to cheer me up. He's coming with me tomorrow and it means more than I can say. How this wonderful healthy man got mixed up with fucked up me I'll never know but he must have pissed someone off in a previous life. He made me a wonderful dinner with a beautiful salad so I will stop feeling sorry for myself, eat some dinner, drink myself into oblivion and deal with this tomorrow. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It's tomorrow and they have squeezed my tits to about an inch, poured goo on them and rubbed it around with a big wand and I'm fine. It was probably just a cyst. I left a message for my doctor. Lady who answers the phone asked what the call was in reference to and I told her that I am one pissed off patient and I want a call back. You see, what started all of this loveliness was one of her staff members. On the way home yesterday, my cell starts to ring so I answer it. I hear "Hi Julie, this is stupid cunt from Dr. R's office, I thought I should give you call because I'm a breast cancer survivor myself". WHAT THE FUCK????? I kept saying "excuse me?". I couldn't hear her telling me that it was probably nothing, probably just a cyst because I had "I'm a cancer survivor myself" ringing in my head. I'm also pissed that, if there was a problem, she should have called me herself, not had that idiot call me.

Oh, for crying out loud!

Last night I go and get my very first mamogram. Ladies, if you have been putting if off, cut that shit out. It doesn't hurt, it's uncomfortable and they put these really cool stickers on your nipples. Ok, so I get my tits squashed the least my gyno can do is read the fucking report! I called this afternoon and was told that the results weren't in, then I called the imaging center, they faxed them at 8am. Called the gyno's office was told they never received them, called the imaging center and asked them to refax. Call the gyno's office, gyno is gone for the day, never reviewed them, will be seeing patients all day tomorrow so probably won't have a chance to read them tomorrow either so I'm looking at a Friday phone call. Ok, bitching done. Things to be thankful for... 1. Home Equity Loan has come through for the adoption. 2. I had my very first (and probably only) HIV test and it was, of course, negative. 3. My hepatitis B came back with no antibodies which is good because it means I've never had it but it's bad because it means I'm at risk to get it but unless I'm working in healthcare or childcare it's not a concern. 4. My cholesterol is fucking amazing. Only 156 (88 good 68 bad). The doctor said that even though I haven't been losing weight, it's obvious that my working out has paid off.

WWWWWHHHHHHEEEEEEEE

We had our home study on Saturday. Is it wrong that I adore the social worker who is doing our home study? She is so kind and so funny. I really get the feeling of "I want to give you a baby as much as to you want one... I just have to make sure that you are not psycho killers first". We had to agree not to use corporal punishment. No problemo! Marc was kidding around with her and asked her if duct tape was ok. She laughed. I told Marc that duct tape is out these days, masking tape is the way to go. Again, she laughed. She liked the house and approved of our plans for the nursery. Agreed that my Mom's idea to do a closet organizer and curtains over the closet instead of doors works well in the room. She said that it takes about a week or so to write up the report. She has to run it by a few people and then she will send it up to INS for our I600-A. Oh, and the best news.... we don't' have to write the autobiography. She has enough information about the two of us that she doesn't feel it's necessary and most people don't do them anyway. Went today for my physical. You meet the greatest people in the craziest of places. I couldn't stand my old primary doctor. Half the time you saw her nurse practitioner and that was after waiting 2 hours or more. I got a recommendation from my gynecologist. My new doctor is Puerto Rican and her husband..... IS GUATEMALAN! How fucking cool is that? She was very excited for us and gave me some interesting recommendations that I don't think I would have gotten from anyone else. She suggested that we get immunization against hepatitis A because it's very prevalent in Guatemala. Also did a TB test on me so that in case anything does happen when we are down there, we will know for sure that I was negative before the trip. Marc is making his appointment for a physical today. Moving right along :)

Back On Track

Whew. I spoke with Officer Rayma. She was just lovely. Apparently our birth & marriage certificates were not with the application so she just needs some more copies. No biggie, Marc is throwing the in the mail today. She said that once she gets the home study she'll set up our appointments for fingerprints. Moving right along do do do do do do foot loose and fancy free... getting there is half the fun come share it with me.

Our little coaster hit a bump...

And the car comes to a halt because of a little bump on the tracks. We got a letter from the Department of National Security (or some crazy shit like that) that says that we didn't include the birth & marriage certificate (we included a copy - guess the rules have changed and we need an original). So Marc will be mailing out the certified birth & marriage certificates today. Why is it a bump, well, on the letter they sent us they said that it's taking 10 weeks to clear people through this part of the process. 10 WEEKS! That's like more than 3 fucking months people. Repeating to myself "sometimes life doesn't happen on your schedule, sometimes life happens on other people's schedule and there really isn't anything we can do about it so we have to try not to stress out too much". Maybe if I keep saying this enough (my version of the Serenity Prayer) I will really believe it and be able to relax a bit. On to something happy then... I had a date last night :) Marc and I finished up a lot of the house for the home study so we were able to go out and play a little last night. We went to get his Comics (Wednesday is new comic day) and then walked down the street to eat dinner. Had a very yummy watermelon margarita and a Cuban sandwich. MMMMMMMM There goes my weight watcher points right out the window.

A correction and some silliness

First, the correction... Yesterday's post about our lovely bloger over at Inward Musing was a bit premature. Her clearance is to go visit her son. Unfortunately, she's not quite at the point where she can bring him home but she will be able to go and hold him in her arms for the first time. Have a wonderful trip my friend :) Now, the silliness. Last night my darling husband made me a wonderful dinner of turkey chili, oven baked fries and a lovely salad. After we had eaten dinner and cleared the table we relaxed for a bit. Now, I was ready for dessert. Luckily for me... so was Marc. I asked him what we had and he rattled off the list of various light ice creams that we had in the freezer. He asked me which one I'd want and I told him to surprise me. He says ok and walks into the kitchen. Now, I'm just sitting on the sofa, watching TV when he comes running (full force) back into the room and screams "SURPRISE" at the top of his lungs. I just about 30 feet and looked at him like he was insane and he said.... "You told me to surprise you". I almost pee'd myself I was laughing so hard. Yes, I Love That Man Of Mine!

Woo Hoo! Say a little prayer

For my friend over at Inward Musings http://stilhoping12.blogspot.com/. DNA has been approved and she is leaving shortly to bring home her beautiful little son. I cried when I read her post. Her son is coming home. She's going to be a fantastic mother and her husband will be a great Dad. Good luck to you and G-d speed!

So very nice...

I spoke with our Adoption Coordinator's assistant yesterday. The Lovely Connie. Just clarifying a few questions I had. What is this I-797C form (it comes autmatically from the Government after the I600-A gets taken care of)? Is the background check mentioned on the checklist the same one as done by the home study people (yes)? Are the three personal references the same as the ones for the home study (yes)? Whew!