Another Infertile Gets Knocked Up!

Go give Dead Bug some serious lovin! That girl is sporting a HcG of 136! It must be the heat. So many of my infertile blogging buddies are getting their miracles. I pray that all of you get your dreams fulfilled. I promise a snarky non-crunchy post later :)

Happy Birthday Baby

Dylan is 3 weeks old today. I can't wait to meet him.

Finished Paperwork, Names and Friends

Well, our last document has come and gone. The wonderful 171H (or 797H depending on who you ask) is off to the nice dossier lady in South Carolina. Unless there is a problem (G-d forbid) we are done with our paperwork for now. Now we just wait to bring Dylan home. Oops... did that just slip out? Yes, we've decided to go with Dylan and are still playing with middle name(s). On the "not about Dylan" front, I'm almost finished knitting Marc's scarf which means I will be starting on Dylan's blanket soon. On Saturday, I got to meet a bunch of amazing ladies that I had met online at Fertility Friend. They were part of a local group of posters that I have gotten to know over the past year. They are an amazing group of women and I feel so honored to be able to count them as friends. Liana is a very talented knitter and extremely patient teacher. We got together in a fabulous coffee shop to knit and chat. Since I knew how to knit already, she gave me some pointers and helped me decide on a lovely blanket for Dylan. Cecily couldn't join us but I was finally able to meet the lovely Tara and my adoption buddy Barb. There are many other amazing women in this group that I hope to meet soon. As much of a curse as infertility has been for us, it has also been a huge blessing. Without it I wouldn't have these amazing people in my life. Without it I wouldn't have Dylan.

Hurry Up!

and wait. That's the stage we are at now. A courier has, most likely, dropped off our Dossier at the Guatemalan Embassy in DC. In about a week to ten days it gets authenticated and the Dossier lady will send it down to Guatemala for translation and then we wait for the request for DNA. That is still a few weeks away. So I will just look forward to receiving a new photo of the baby along with his medical report. We had fun this weekend but I felt bad because Marc worked Saturday and Sunday. We saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory & Fantastic Four at the drive in on Saturday. I loved Charlie and hated Fantastic Four. While Marc worked on Sunday, I layed out at my Mom's pool. ***Sign my map please! I see really cool readers from really cool places that haven't signed my map so... please sign my map - it's that cool icon to the left of the post. Thanks!***

****BANGARANG!!!*******

Everything except the I797 is now on it's way to the Dossier Prep lady. Our photos, our passport copies, all of our authenticated documents, everything. She is going to put them together and take them to DC to have the Guatemala Consultate authenticate everything. Then everything goes down to Guatemala to begin the process there. Hang tight little one - Mommy and Daddy are working hard to bring you home.

We're getting closer!

We are now certified (or certifiable depending on who you ask). We are now sending everything down to the lovely Ms D to take to the Guatemalan Consulate in DC and then she prepares our Dossier and sends it to Guatemala to begin the process down there. A few more steps closer to our son we are! I'm very excited. I'm finally meeting some of my virtual friends in real life! My inspiration for starting this blog was my friend Cecily. I met Cecily online at Fertility Friend on a board they have for local infertiles. We are all hanging out at an uber cool coffee house to chat, drink coffee and knit. I am looking forward to meeting these incredible women face to face. Oh, and since we didn't get to go to the drive-in last week, we decided to go this weekend. Well, now I'm really glad that we didn't get to go last week because now they are showing Charlie & the Chocolate Factory and Fantastic Four. Woo Hoo!!!!

Ohhhh, pretty, gold, shiny, medallion

That's what I saw when I pulled the authentications out of the envelope. One State down and one to go! Also still waiting on INS to get their collective asses in gear. Hoping to see that tomorrow or Friday. I would love to send everything down on Friday. That would be perfect. Today is the baby's two week birthday. My beautiful baby is two weeks old today. I told a woman in the gym that and she practically fell over. She was extremely pregnant (I actually felt sorry for her in this heat) and told me that I looked incredible for someone who just had a baby two weeks earlier. Of course all of my gym buddies cracked up laughing and blew my cover. Speaking of the gym, I got my ass kicked this morning by a 5 foot tall Swedish chick. She filled in for the spin instructor and did some shit I've never done before. I'm gonna be hurting tomorrow!

That was cool

Got the ultrasound (external one - YaY). Tech said that everything looks normal. She also called me skinny. I'm in love with the young, thin, blonde, beautiful ultrasound tech who called me skinny. I think I told her that too. She is my new best friend! So, the doctor's office called because the ultrasound place didn't have my referral. They made me sign off that I'd be responsible for the bill (which he assured me would be covered) and did the ultrasound. The doctor's office now tells me they are not capitated to that office and he shouldn't have done the ultrasound. I told her that she can tell him that if insurance doesn't cover it - they damn well better write it off. She said they'd fight it for me. This is why I love this office. Paperwork is pretty much done except for one thing that goes off tomorrow to be authenticated. I worked on the photo array and it came out quite nice (if I do say so myself). Just waiting on everything to come back from the state and the INS shit and then it's off to Guatemala! Woo Hoo!

Feed Me! Give Me Something to Drink!!!

I'm whining because I have to fast before this ultrasound. I don't want to go. I've had enough ultrasounds for a lifetime. Yes, I know this isn't the cootercam but still. I'm also whiny because I didn't see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory this weekend beause it was raining and I felt like shit. I'm also whiny because one of the reference letters has to be redone. Ok, enough whining... Marc and I really buckled down and stuck to our Weight Watcher program this week and I lost 4.8lbs and Marc lost 4.4lbs! Yay! Yesterday we went to a Phillies game and had tickets in the Diamond Dugout. What does that mean??? We sat three rows behind home plate, next to the Phillies Dugout (close enough to feel the air conditioning in the dugout) and everything is included. All our food, drinks, etc. I didn't go crazy because I wasn't feeling well but it was great fun and the Phillies won!

I'M SO EXCITED!!!!! (no, not baby related)

I just got an email from Marc. We have a date tomorrow night. We are going here. I can't wait!!!! One of my coworkers who just had a baby was making fun of me until he realized that he could actually go to the movies with his wife and baby!

~~~~ROAR!!!~~~~~~

That's how I feel this morning! Alive and in shape and amazing. I broke in my new spinning shoes and, wholly shit do they make a huge difference. For anyone reading this who doesn't know what spinning is, it's a cardio workout on a specialized stationary bike. On average, I burn about 600 calories in 45 minutes (which, in weight watchers terms is an extra 6 points for that day!). However... my body is being mean to me again. I went to the doctor about this weird pain I've been getting between my shoulder blades and the (teensy bit of TMI) constant burping. When I told the lovely Dr. F about my symptoms she was pretty sure it was gall bladder. I have an appointment Monday for an Ultrasound. Let's all hope that it's acid reflux (similar symptoms) and I just have to take some pills and not get my belly sliced open. Okay, I'm being melodramatic, it's laproscopic but I'm totally freaked out by the thought of having to do general anesthesia. You'd think with all of the procedures I've been through the past year I wouldn't care but.. that's one thing that has always scared me. Anesthesia. In the meantime, as I await my diagnosis I'm determined to be as healthy as I can because I have one minor live event and one MAJOR life event. Minor... 20 Year High School Reunion. MAJOR... bringing home my son.

~pppsssttttt~

Tania's pregnant! Pass it on :) Oh, and check out her lovely blog and tell her how great it is that she got knocked up her first round of IVF. She's feeling a bit freaked out and could use your good cheer Tania.

Just breathe

That's what I've been telling myself all day. Missed spinning class by 3 minutes (they locked the door) and I was so excited to break in my new spinning shoes. Just breathe and get on the elliptical for 45 minutes at the highest setting. Get a call from the Agency. Stand in social worker (our s/w is away for a few days) says "you are going to wire the money to Guatemala today right?" "I wasn't planning on it why?" "Oh, it has to be done today without fail. You may be able to do it tomorrow morning but that's pushing it". Just breathe. Called Marc and he took care of calling the bank. Left office for appointment with breast doctor and get a few blocks, realize I forgot the films. Just breathe, walk back to the office and then power walk a mile to the doctor's office getting very sweaty in the process. Get back and there is no confirmation from the bank. Marc is stuck doing something and I have to call the bank. Sitting on hold for over thirty minutes... just breathe. Explained situation to amazing woman at the bank and we have our tracking number for the wire transfer. Breathing is an amazing thing. No only does it keep us alive (duh) but it massages the internal organs. Everyone likes a good massage right? I have also come to the realization that the pains are definitely stress related. I was fine until the last part of this happened. Bang - pain right between the shoulder blades. I closed my eyes, took deep cleansing breaths and the pain subsided. Wow, do I sound granola crunchy or what??? Sorry gang. I'm not a crunchy kinda girl but this shit has kept me sane during a fairly insane day. Peace out :)

I be Smart

It's a really cool MIT survey for bloggers - go check it out!

Somewhat boring post

Nothing new to report - still working on the paperwork. Pretty close to having it ready for one state. Waiting on a few more items for the other state. I will say that the stress is getting to me and I think that is why I have felt like utter shit the past few days. Every time I eat or drink something (other than water) I get a horrible pain between my shoulder blades. I have an appointment with my doctor on Thursday to check my gall bladder. Hopefully, it's just the stress and will go away with time. Oh, and PLEASE SIGN MY MAP!!!! I have seen a huge increase in hits on my site and I'd love to know where you are all from!

Whew - this shit's bananas!

As my lovely husband likes to say. The notary seal from the home study and license should be fine - it's been approved in the past and we will send it up for authentication as is. Everything is coming along nicely. I got a call from our State Police to tell me that they are overnighting me the Good Conduct Letter. I got a call from Homeland Security saying that they are only working on June fingerprints now (we got ours done on 7/6 - the baby's birthday) but she would put us to the top of the pile since we have our referral (expected arrival - within 2 weeks). Our home study agency is getting us the missing paperwork that they are holding. We got the medical reports and blood work back (to my untrained eye- everyone looks ok) and I have sent it off to the doctor's office for a report to be issued. I have to say again how much I love my agency. If anyone is looking for an agency, please email me and I will be happy to discuss them with you. They have been wonderful. Even when I was bugging the home study agency (a division of the adoption agency) they were very patient with me. Marc and I are just so lucky.

So I'm sitting at my desk in my office

Just minding my own business when "ring, ring, ring". I answer the phone and it's the wonderful, amazing, incredible social worker L from my agency. "Julie?" She says. I said "Yes". "Hi! It's L from your agency and I was just wondering where we are on paperwork". So I explain to her that we are coming along nicely. There is a slight problem I just learned about from another adopter who is going through the same home study agency (notary is incorrect) and have to get that resolved but expect to by ready in a few weeks". "Really" she said. "Any chance you can speed things up?" I said "why?" Her response.... "because I have a referral for you. Everyone at the agency is waiting on a girl and I have a boy and he's beautiful". "HUH?????????? Are you serious??" She said "yep, if you are prepared, we can do this!". We just got our fingerprints done 2 days ago! I got the picture and called Marc. He was in his Mom's office. I asked him if he could get his email there and he said "no, why?" I said "because I'm looking at a picture of your son". He was so confused! I told him that we got the referral and he ran to his desk. I think he fell in love as quickly as I did. I didn't think I could love him any more than I already do but I just fell in love with him all over again. That was at 10:30 this morning. I have called INS to see if they can expedite our fingerprints, I've been calling the State Police to find out where our letter is, making an apponitment with the international adoption doctor. I'm in such a haze. Someone pinch me!

A little levity is needed here so....

A little story for you, my fair readers, of my brother-in-law. We shall call him, for the sake of the story, Mr. Jumpy. Mr. Jumpy HATES loud noises. Especially those directed at him or happen near him. Take the first time I made the hideous mistake of beeping my car horn at him. I was read the riot act on that. Today, my darling husband, who works with Mr. Jumpy, is getting ready to run his daily errands. He puts his keys in his pocket, gets his paperwork together and then realizes there was something that need to be done before he left so he sat down. Now, dear readers, inside of darling husband's pants pocket along with those little keys is a remote. It looks like a car remote but it's not. It's the remote to the new alarm system they just had installed in their office. Well, one of those keys must have hit the panic button just as Mr. Jumpy is walking by the alarm. Well, Mr. Jumpy hit the roof and knowing him... Squealed like a little girl. Marc said he thougth they were going to have to call a brown alert on that one (eeewwww).

So Sad

They found the little girl I posted about. They found her in a river and they said she had not drowned, that she was murdered and placed there. What the fuck is wrong with people today? How do you look at a child and want to hurt them? My prayers have gone out to this poor child and her family, her friends and her community. My prayers are also with my friends in England. I hope you catch the cowards who did this to you.

Missing Child

Missing Child Have you seen this child? I learned about her on Jamilia's blog. She has been missing for 6 days. Please keep her & her family in your prayers. She was last seen in her mother's apartment in Northern Iowa. To read more about the possible abduction, please click here.

What a weekend!

We were supposed to fly up to Boston on Friday. Our flight was supposed to leave at 5:30 but by 8:00 we knew we weren't going anywhere (bad weather). We rebooked our flight, reclaimed our luggage and headed home to take care of some, well, stuff (wink wink). We woke up early, Marc mowed the lawn and, a few showers later, we were at the airport again. This time we did, in fact, take off and make it to Boston at 2:30 pm. Andy and Lori picked us up and we headed back to the house. The house is beautiful with lots of comfy bedrooms and a big kitchen and 2 car garage and a beautiful deck and two incredible inhabitants who know how to make people feel loved and welcomed. We wandered around Boston and just ordered pizza and hung out all night. Oh, and don't play duck duck goose around a campfire when you are drunk. Just leads to bruises. Sunday there was a huge bbq at the house and my good friend Joelle & her boyfriend joined the festivities. Lots of incredible food, friends and booze made for a fun night. There was volleyball, croquet (did I spell that right), stupid word games. It was amazing. Monday we just vegged till it was time to come home. We are heading out tomorrow to get fingerprinted. Hopefully it wont' be too horrible a wait. Then, we get our stuff out to the State(s) for authentication and then... our dossier will be complete! YAYYYYYYYY

~GONE FISHING~

Ok, we're not going fishing. We're going to Boston to see our good friends, Andy and Lori (see below). We met Andy & Lori at a swing dance class I made Marc take with me. They were the only "normal" people besides us (stop snickering). We had a great time and have been friends ever since. We still love them even though they abandoned us and moved to Boston :) So we are leaving tonight to go up and visit them. To all of my blog buddies and friends in cyberspace... have a groovy weekend. Have fun, be safe and if you are going to Live 8.... have a blast! Oh yeah, before you go, if you haven't already done so... SIGN MY MAP!!! Me and Andy Me and Lori

What the hell was I thinking????

Get up extra early this morning because I wanted to take the 6:15 a.m. (yep - that's morning folks) spin class that I hear is incredible. Drag poor Marc out of bed, run to the gym, get to class to try out the new bikes and then got my ass thoroughly kicked by Judy the awesome Spin instructor. Not only did she have incredible kick ass music but she had an incredible energy about her. Yelling "go go go" and "you're doing great!" At one point she was yelling "Pick it up, Pick It Up, you've got it!" I opened my eyes (I usually have my eyes closed when I spin) and she was looking right at me. I was in the front to her side - no one was near me so I know it she was talking to me which just made me triple my efforts. Oh, and if that's not enough abuse for one morning... Marc has the car today because Mom is picking me up after work to go for facials. I walk outside, feel a slight breeze so I say to myself Fuck the taxi - I'll walk 2 miles to work. By the time I got to the office, I was drenched in sweat.

WE HAVE....... (baby post)

BABIES!!! My dear, sweet, wonderful friends Bob & Alyssa had their twins over the weekend. Babies, Mom & Dad are home and are doing well.

So Much Happiness

Please keep my friends Bob & Alyssa and their beautiful little twins in your prayers this weekend. Alyssa is being induced tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you four all weekend! Everyone - I wish you a wonderful weekend.

Today's Happy Post Goes to....

Cubbie!!!! She's getting a daughter! A beautiful little girl to call her very own. The lovely Cubbie has been in the process of trying to adopt an older child and out of the many, many people who wanted to be her Mommy, they picked the lovely Cubbie (need to give those social workers a huge pat on the back for that one). Cubbie, I'm just so happy for you and your new family! Mozel Tov!

We may have a possible pregnancy sighting in Blogland

Over at PJ's it looks like we may have a few lines on the pee stick. Let's all keep our fingers crossed that it's not her HcG shot but the real deal. Go PJ Go!!!!!!

There he was just a walking down the street

Just about every Wednesday night, Marc and I go to the comic book store to pick up the week's new comics. Usually, Marc will go in and I will wait in the car because, well, boys and girls that read comic books sometimes have an aversion to showers and it stinks in there. Anyway, Marc is in the shop and I had driven around the block looking for parking when, to my amazement, I see "The Legendary Wid" crossing the street. ~looking around the blog at all of the blank stares~ You've never heard of The Legendary Wid???? You need to google this lovely, hysterical comedian and, if he's performing in your area, you need to go see him. He's uses a lot of props in his act and he's, well, he's fucking hysterical! Anyway, the Wid and I go waaaaayyyyyyyyy back. I honked my horn and waved but I really didn't think he'd remember me. He came over and that brilliant mind is still as sharp as ever! He said "we used to work together". Yep, the old Comedy Works. I ran a karaoke show in the restaurant in the club called "The Fun House". He would always hang out with us before and after his show and sing (he has a great voice). After I left that gig I saw he was performing in my neighborhood and went to see him. As he rushed out onto the stage he stopped, looked at me, laughed, got on stage and said "I'm confused - we doing karaoke tonight?" No one got it but me but that's ok. I love being in on the joke. We asked about some friends we used to have in common and then he called his manager, Kevin, and put him on the phone w/me. It was nice to catch up. Meanwhile, I keep waiting for Marc to come out of the store and see this crazy man pacing next to the car talking to me (Wid always paces). But the Wid had to dash and Marc didn't get to meet him. Oh well. He still performs in the area so we will have to catch a show one of these days. Oh, speaking of shows. Marc and I have a date on Saturday afternoon. We are seeing Sweeney Todd! I love that show (yes, I am twisted - duh!). On Sunday, Mom, Princess and I are heading to NY with a bunch of other Jewish women (it's a synagogue trip) to see Dirty Rotten Scoundrels on Broadway. A theater weekend. I'm looking forward to it.

My Poor Sweet Husband

I'm still at work. My poor sweet husband called me with such distress in his voice. "I have so much to do I just don't know when I'll be done". He sounded so desperate. I could hear "I want to go home now" in his voice. I can't let him take the train. He sounds so beat and it's Wednesday and I'm sure he'll want to go get his comics so here I wait for my love. So, since I have some time on my hands... how about we continue the interview game. First... the rules... 1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying "interview me." 2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different. 3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions. 4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post. 5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions. And now... Drum roll please....my questions for my little blogger friends.... To my little friend Zeeks 1. What is your favorite childhood memory. 2. How did you meet your hubby? 3. Who is your hero? 4. If I gave you a hundred million dollars, what would you do with it? 5. Why are you a vegetarian? To my new friend Deanna 1. How did you get into Herding? 2. Are you religious and, either way, why? 3. What is your biggest fear? 4. What do you do for a living? 5. If you could be a comic book hero, who would it be? To my little fried in the UK MsPru 1. Why did you move to the UK? 2. What do you miss the most about the US? 3. If a genie granted you 3 wishes, what would you wish for? 4. What do you regret? 5. What are you most proud of? To my new friend Iselyahna 1. What are you studying? 2. How did you come up with your blog name? 3. What's the most dangerous thing you have ever done? 4. What is your dream vacation? 5. What moves you more.. movies, TV or music and why? To my new friend Jamila 1. Who is your favorite author and book? 2. What gives you warm fuzzies? 3. Do you believe in G-d? 4. Are you close to your family? 5. Do you believe your husband is your soulmate? If so, why? To my dear sweet Cubbie, thanks! That was a blast!

YYYIIIIPPPPPPEEEEE!!!

Lumi is ok! ~doing an insane dance in the middle of my office~

I know you are around here somewhere

I know you are around, I can feel you.. poking at my uterus and snickering behind my back. Don't you think I can recognize you a mile away? I've known you since I was 11 years old. I know what that icky, weepy, crampy, pull the covers over my head for a week feeling means. My period will be arriving soon. Probably today because I forgot that it was due and wore my lovely new white capris. It's funny. You'd think that since I'm adopting I wouldn't mind getting it. That since we are not "officially" trying, that it wouldn't bother me. If you think that, you're nuts. It's not that I thought I was pregnant. Not at all. It's more that I feel like it's mocking me. My body appears to do what it's supposed to do every 28 days yet there is no purpose to it. My pain will never produce a child. It will just be there, mocking me, every 28 days. So... to my period I say.... Fuck You! --------------------------------------- If you are wondering what happened to my meltdown(s), I've decided that I need to put them away for a little while. Pull them back from the world. I kept obsessing over them, re-reading them at every opportunity and I need to move on from it so I pulled them back. Thank you again for all of your kind words. ---------------------------------------- Oh yeah..... SIGN MY MAP

Lend me your prayers/ good thought/vibes/etc.

My friend Lumi over at Illumination Maybe is having a scare right now. She is about 7 or 8 weeks pregnant and is experiencing bleeding. Please send her your good thought, prayers, vibes, voodoo dances, whatever you feel comfortable offering her. She needs us right now. Lumi - we are all here for you. We love you! Take care of yourself and your little one.

Move Along, Nothing To See Here, Just Another Crazy Infertile

Whew. That was a hell of a meltdown. I'm ok though. I think I just had that little bit more to throw out there. I slept a little better last night (still had crazy dreams - just not as horrible) and will hopefully get a good nights sleep tonight. I took a spin class this morning and I use that time to do visualization. I'll see myself riding this bike by a mountain stream or by the ocean or somewhere else. Sometimes I will picture myself riding over the person causing me problems. Today I just saw myself letting this go. I cried (crying while spinning isn't a good idea but hey - what the hell) and peddled like a maniac. Time to refocus on happy things. I need to find my positive energy again. Thank you all for your kind thoughts and words.

Fertility Dance (warning - pregnancy related post)

Just doing a little happy dance for my good from Lumi at Illumination Maybe. After playing "if I stare at the stick long enough" and "the rising HcG levels don't mean anything do they", we have a heartbeat! A beautiful, strong heartbeat! Please keep this wonderful woman and child in your prayers/good thoughts/happy vibes/voodoo dances, etc.

Another Notch! Bam!

The home study is being overnighted by my darling wonderful husband to INS. We will anxiously await our fingerprinting request. YaY!

Tag! I'm It!

My buddy over at

Cubbiegirl

has issued a challenge. A game of tag if you will. Here are the rules.... 1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying "interview me." 2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different. 3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions. 4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post. 5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions. and now... Drum roll please....my questions and answers... 1. What religious background were you raised in, and do you practice that today? I was raised Jewish and still consider myself a practicing Jew. We don't belong to a synagogue so we are really just a couple of wandering Jews at the present time. 2. What has more impact on you: movies, books, or music and why? Do I really have to pick just one? I have seen movies that have changed the way I feel about the world, read books that have given me great passion and sadness, have heard songs that have caused me to pull over because they make me cry so hard. It's really so hard to say. If I had to pick one I'd say music. Why? Because once a song touches me a certain way, it seems like it always touches me in the same way. 3. In the past five years, what about you has changed for the better, and what has changed for the worst? I quit smoking, gained about 50lbs and have taken 40lbs of it off. I found out that I can't have children but discovered that adoption is a wonderful choice. 4. If a Genie gave you three wishes, what would you chose? 1. To spend eternity with my husband. 2. To be a stay at home mom to a house full of kids. 3. Not to ever have to worry about money again. 5. What is the most important thing about being married that no one ever told you? The correct way to communicate (which we have learned to do). We are, by no means perfect at it... but we definitely work at it. Ok - who wants to be interviewed??? Oh, and don't forget to sign the map :)

If you have 10 minutes, high speed internet and

A huge ass box of tissues - check out this video. http://homepage.mac.com/kevintwit/iMovieTheater33.html My good friend Tara passed this on to me and it's about a family adopting a little girl from China. Very well done and just, well, beautiful! Oh, and don't forget to sign my map :)

Sign My Map!

Let me know where you are from. It's the link to the left of this post under "View My Profile". It's the white icon with "View My Guestmap" "Click Here" and ""Place your Pin" flashing with the globe. I'd love to know where everyone is from.

Coming Out of the Closet Part Duex

When my Mom was told that we were adopting, we weren't that surprised at her response.. "I'm designing the baby's room!" My Mom has amazing taste. Well, in the Baby's room there is a closet whose doors were removed by the painters we had hired to paint the house when we moved in and they never bothered to put them back on. That gave my Mom a great idea. Since the room was relatively small to begin with, forget the doors, do a closet organizer and put custom curtains over the closet. It took Marc 8 hours to put the closet organizer together and it took the drape guy about a half an hour do to the this..... closet We also had custom blinds and cornice done to match window Oh, and the day they put up the blinds and stuff, Mom showed up with that bear. How fucking cute is that??? Oh, if you want a Shelly Original, I will hire her out. Kidding. Ok I'm not. I think my Mom would be great at this.

Why is it that some people just have no common sense

when it comes to speaking to a woman about very personal issues? We have my friend over at The Naked Ovary who has been getting pregnanted left and right. Pregnanted is the act of telling someone you are adopting and the response you receive is something along the lines of "Oh, now you will get pregnant". The other definition is, well, more hideous. It's when someone mistakes you for being pregnant when you are not. I have had this happen many many times. I carry all of my weight in my stomach (thanks Dad!). Another friend of mine from weight watchers was just telling a story about how a woman at work asked her what she is going to do now that she is pregnant - isn't she going to gain back all of the weight she just lost?? I'm sure my ww buddy wanted to say something like "no you stupid cunt, I plan on starving myself during pregnancy so that I able to maintain my weight". Oh, did I mention that she's "one of us"? ~peeking around cyberspace looking for Mrs M~ Congrats Sweetie! So tell me, why do complete strangers feel the need to ask people insanely personal questions? While in an airport in Jamaica returning from vacation a black woman asked me when I was due (you'll understand the need for color reference as the story progresses). I just looked at her and said "do I now you?". She said "No". I asked "Are you sure?" She said "Yes, I'm sure". I asked "did we go to school together?" She, being very much younger than myself replied "doubt it". I asked (here's where the color reference comes in) "are we related? cousins maybe?" She laughed hysterically and said "definitely not". I looked her dead in the eye and said "then what would possess you to ask such an intimate question of a complete stranger? I'm not pregnant, I'm fat - thanks for asking". I hope that that experience has caused her never to ask that question of another woman again. Now this experience was long before my fertility shit. If I had been on clomid, I'd be rotting in a Jamaican jail. I usually use the pregnanted statement of "Oh, you'll get pregnant after you adopt" as an opportunity to educate the obviously ignorant person on the new technologies that exist to diagnose infertility. Of course, there was the one time I was in a mood and a woman who tried to pregnanted me said "Oh, you'll get pregnant after you adopt" my response to her was "G-d I hope not!'. Shut her up. The most fun I have is when stupid people ask me when Marc and I are going to start a family. I love it when it's at some kind of social event and I have a drink in my hand. ~insert Jewish accent here~ "So, when are you two going to start a family?" Me - we are expecting around the end of the year. Causing said questioners eyes to dart back and forth between my face, my stomach and my drink which I usually pound for dramatic effect and excuse myself to get another. So, tell me, what are some of the idiotic remarks you have gotten lately?

Gently closing the door behind me

The home study is complete. Social Worker J is mailing out the notarized Home Study today. That phase of our adoption is complete. We then (I think) send it to INS and then the fingerprinting stuff begins. I'm so excited. Things seem to be moving along in a timely fashion. As I mentioned before, Marc spent 8 hours on Memorial Day putting together a beautiful closet organizer that my mom designed at Organized Living. Now we are ready for Lonnie, the custom drapes guy, to put up the drapes on the closet and also the blinds on the window. Mom was very excited because she was watching a design show and saw her idea on the show. I can't wait to see the final product. Then, we just have to pick out the baby's furniture. Traditionally, Jews do not buy baby furniture, clothes, etc. until after the baby has been born. It's more superstition than anything else but I just don't want to do anything else until we get the referral. After that, the baby has been born so we can buy stuff! Had a rough day today. Club owner was a complete dickwad and yelled at me because I couldn't find a file. Told me that I was unprofessional and that I must get paid $6 an hour to sit on the phone. I told him that I could buy and sell his redneck ass and that I don't have the time to entertain his temper tantrums, he can call my boss. hehehehe - my boss will kick his ass :) It's nice working for a company that when someone says "I want your superior" you know that the person you are sending him/her to will back you up 100% (if you are right - which I always am). It's also nice to be able to call someone a cocksucking dickwad redneck to your boss and have your boss laugh. I love my job!

Paranoid Much????

So I was just checking out my sitemeter to see who's been cruising my blog and I see a URL that says uscourts.gov. Ok, if you are reading this and you work for the US courts, please don't be offended but that totally freaked me out. I got to thinking - what if someone who is reading this has some kind of say in my adoption process and then they look back and see me fling the "c" word around with abandon. AACCCKKK Admit it adoption people, would that freak you out or am I just being a paranoid freak?

Stomach in yummy knots

My stomach is all kinds of turned around, upside down, twisting, turning, churning in happy glee. I just spoke w/the senior home study social worker who has been on maternity leave since we begun this process. She's as super cool as Social Worker "S" and Social Worker "L". I faxed her over the last of my home study paperwork and she said she would be sending a notarized copy to INS by Wednesday. Hopefully, they will have it by Friday and we will have begun the next stage of our adoption process. WWWHHHHHEEEEEEEEEE

Hear that???

Silence. Marc's Dad, Stepmom & Brothers stayed with us this weekend. It was noisy in the house for the first time. I absolutely loved it! It's the sounds of things to come. Hopefully, by the end of the year, my house will be noisy non-stop. The sounds of our son, our families visiting our son will fill our home. My brother-in-law & sister-in-law's wedding reception was this weekend at the Zoo. I have to say, they did a beautiful job. We had so much fun dancing among the animals. The band was wonderful. The food was fun (hamburgers, hot dogs, bbq chicken, ice cream & watermelon). The wine flowed freely which just made me want to dance in the fountain but no one would dance with me. I wasn't hammer but apparently if someone wants to dance in a fountain, everyone will assume that you were. Nope, I'd dance in that beautiful fountain sober too. I need to call the doctor's office. We STILL haven't received the medical report. We need the medical report to get the home study completed. AAACCCKKK!!!

Being Overwhelmed (happily)

Have you ever just been going about your day and then all of a sudden you get this incredibly overwhelming feeling of love. At the same moment your significant other pops into your mind. That's how I feel right this moment. I just thought about seeing Marc tonight and my heart just swelled in my chest. I can't wait to see him. I just saw him in the gym this morning but it seems like it was ages ago. I miss him. I want to hug him and kiss him and hold him. We've been married 3 1/2 years and I'm still honeymoon crazy in love with him. Have a wonderful weekend. As long as I'm with My Love, I know I will.

All right people....

Let me remind you of my friend Heather (http://talesfromthestirrups.blogspot.com/2005/05/we-interrupt-your-regularly-scheduled.html). Heather is riding in the Race for Roses and is trying to raise money for cancer research through the Lance Armstrong foundation. ________________________________________ Ok, beg-a-thon is now over. Well, my brother-in-law got married this past Thanksgiving in St. Thomas. This weekend is the reception for the rest of the world (300 people!) at the zoo. My father-in-law, his wife and there two kids are staying with us. They got in at 1:30 this morning and I, of course, woke up for all of 2 seconds. I managed to drag my sorry ass out of bed this morning and make a spin class. This is after taking a kick ass yoga class on Wednesday and lifting (upper body) yesterdya. Needless to say I'm a big bruise and I'm looking forward to taking the weekend off from fitness. Have a groovy weekend and hopefully I have some stories of people getting drunk and stupid come Monday.

~sigh~ I Love That Man of Mine!

It was a crazy weekend. Marc had to work on Saturday to take care of some loose ends around the office. I painted the closet in the baby's room (I love saying that). I also painted our bathroom. Sunday we went to a bbq so yesterday we had a ton of work to do in the house. Marc put in the closet organizer. It took him 8 hours to do (this was NOT as simple as they made it out to be) but it looks amazing. My parents came over and were duly impressed as well. I promise to post pics of the closet as soon as I can. While he was working on the closet, I mowed the lawn for the first time. My hands are killing me today from the vibrations of the lawn mower. It doesn't look as good as when he does it but at least it's done. Marc's father, step mother & step brothers are coming in for Adam's (Marc's brother) wedding reception. Adam was married in November and the reception is this weekend at the zoo. His father and crew are staying with us. YaY! 2 teenagers in the house. I can't wait! His little (11 & 15) brothers are adorable and I can't wait to see them. His Dad and Step Mom are very sweet and it will be nice to have them around. ****** Oh - look out below! I broke 10,000 hits on my blog. I feel so loved! ******

YaY, it's the weekend!!!!

And we almost have everything together for the home study! All we really need now is the medical report which the doctor said he'd mail out no later than Tuesday. Once that is done, we just have to review the report and then S will send it off to INS so they can issue our appointment for fingerprinting. I think once that comes back ok (which it will), we can get our referral!!! AAAACCCCKKKKK!!! I know we have a few more things to do for the dossier. So much to do this weekend. Marc has some work to do so he's going to stay in town tomorrow and I'm going to go home, paint the closet again in the baby's room (the wall just sucked up the paint) and I'm going to paint our bathroom. If I can remember, I'll do before and after pics. We have a BBQ on Sunday and my parents are coming over on Monday. Have a great weekend everyone!

The Stalker

Why are you following me? You look over and smile and I think to myself "what the fuck is a pregnant woman doing in a smokey bar". As you walk by me you say to yourself (outloud) "guess I'm the only pregnant woman in here". What? Mocking me are you? You want to take this outside? You walk away and I am saved from beating a pregnant woman in the middle of a bar. I sit at the bar, chatting with my darling husband and the super cool radio DJ's that allowed us to come to this shindig and decide it's time to go to the ladies room. I wander around until I'm told that it's upstairs. I go up the flight of stairs, into the ladies room and take care of business. I walk out and there's my stalker walking into the ladies' room. I immediate begin to wash my hands and avoid any eye contact and she says to me "scary up here isn't it?" I grab a few paper towels, smile and walk out of the ladies room. You have no idea how scary it is sister, no idea. We watch Lost in a smoky bar for 2 hours . I don't know why I cried when the baby was taken by the French woman. It really bothered me. We head home, the stalker left far behind. In the mail we had gotten a note. On the front of the card is a picture of a beautiful baby smiling from ear to ear. Inside was a heart wrenching note from the parents who had lost their 8 month old daughter a few months back (see http://talesfromthestirrups.blogspot.com/2005/03/and-ride-comes-to-screeching-halt.html and http://talesfromthestirrups.blogspot.com/2005/04/warning-very-sad-post.html). I cried and then I put the photograph on our mantel. I got my period about 5 days early and I'm an emotional wreck. I really just feel like laying in bed and sleeping but I can't. I'm at work.

We are out of the closet!

I decided to put our pic on the blog so you can see our silly faces. We were very happy after many Marc-O-Rita's at our friends Lori & Andy's house on New Year's Eve. I love this picture because we are happy and I love to see my Sweetie's beautiful smile.

Note to Self

Taking a spin class in the morning and having sex with the husband that night is probably not a good idea. Walking funny today (but wearing a huge smile). Sorry if you feel that was TMI but it's my blog and I can brag if I wanna! Still waiting to hear back on the home study. I don't know if she is waiting for the few final documents from us or not. I just dropped her an email today so I'm sure I'll hear back soon.

~sigh~ It's Monday

And I'm already wishing for the weekend. I love my company. Instead of the usual "call 400 customers and sell a million dollars worth of product" my company recognizes that most of us will be in vacation mode and sent out an email stating "the office will close at 2pm on Friday, have a great holiday!" We have planned to have no plans this weekend. We'll see how that works out. I still have to do another layer of paint in the baby's closet because the wall just sucked up the first coat (I know, I know, we should have primed it). Then Marc (who told me that we should prime the wall first and I didn't listen to him) is going to build the closet organizer. While he's doing that, I'm going to be painting our master bathroom the prettiest shade of periwinkle blue. More paperwork being done. Joelle's referral got lost in the mail and she has to redo it. She's such a sweetie. We saw her perform yesterday at my old Synagogue. OMG this little girl has a super big voice. She was having such a good time performing we couldn't help but have a great time listening to her. Well, back to the grind. Oh, and please check my last post and donate, if you can, to the Lance Armstrong Foundation. Heather is doing all the work, all you have to do is donate some money.

We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Program, To Bring You This VERY Important Message

from my friend Heather...... I am writing this letter to invite you to help people with cancer and their families, LIVE STRONG! Last year I decided that I needed to join the fight against cancer. Cancer has affected me throughout my life as I am sure it has affected most of you in some way or another. I made this decision because my mother is a two-year survivor of breast cancer and I had a brother who died of cancer called neuroblastoma. For me, finding out my mom had breast cancer was very frightening. I was with her during the visits to the doctor, her surgery, and her radiation treatments. Thankfully, we are able to celebrate the fact that the doctor removed all the cancer and that she is going to be fine. It has been two year and she is still cancer free. As for my brother, I have no memory of what my family went though. I was born the year after he died. He had a rare childhood cancer called neuroblastoma that has recently received national coverage thanks to Alexandra Scott and Alex's Lemonade Stand. Alex and my brother Scott had the same type of cancer. Scott unfortunately did not live as long as Alex, Scott was 23 months when he died Alex was 10 years old. While I never knew him, he has always been a part of my life. I have come to know the challenges that my parents and sister went through during his illness and the people that they met and supported them. In October 2004, I met a new challenge: I rode in the Bristol Myers Squibb Tour of Hope, which benefits the Lance Armstrong Foundation. This is a ride between Los Angeles and Washington, D.C. I joined the Tour on the last leg into Washington. It was very emotional for me to ride up to the point where we met the national riders and see people from all over the country unite for one cause to help raise money for cancer. As we started that last leg, we were greeted by a large number of people holding signs thanking us for our efforts in fighting cancer. It made me realize that I was making a difference in many of these people's lives. We rode as one massive group to help fight cancer, to help fund cancer education and to support people with cancer. I am asking you to help me raise money this year because I am riding in the Ride for the Roses, part of the Lance Armstrong Foundation's Peloton Project in Austin, TX in October. The Peloton Project is the Lance Armstrong Foundation's major grassroots fundraising initiative that brings together a diverse group of volunteers' dedicated to helping people living with cancer live strong. My goal for 2005 is to raise $10,000 for the foundation. I will pay all my expenses to and from Austin. All money I collect will go to the Lance Armstrong Foundation. I ask that you sponsor me by contributing to the Lance Armstrong Foundation. You can send your contribution to me (made payable to the Lance Armstrong Foundation) at 300 S. Lenola Road, Maple Shade, NJ 08052 or visit that Foundation web site at http://tinyurl.com/d7g6u to put your contribution on your credit card. Thank you for your help in supporting the efforts of the Lance Armstrong Foundation to help people with cancer, and their families, LIVE STRONG! Heather Garnick P.S. Please forward this email on to all those people you know that are affected by cancer, everyone can help LIVE STRONG!

Fighting my inner demons

We all have them. For some people it's drugs, for other people it's alcohol, for me it's my weight loss. After going through fertility treatments I have gained about 12lbs (which, in the fertility treatment world, that's pretty low). I noticed that even though I am doing Weight Watchers and I'm in the gym 6 days a week, I haven't lost. So I go to the doctors because I'm convinced that those evil drugs fucked up my thyroid. My doctor explains that it could take up to 6 months to get those nasty drugs out of my system but she checks my thyroid just to be sure. Nope, not my thyroid. Then, this past weekend, I get a fitness assessment done and I'm told that my cardio range is on the poor side. In response to this information I take, keep up and complete a spin class on Monday (fuck you trainer guy). Yesterday, I get to the gym and get onto the elliptical machine. I'm peddling along and I hear my brain say "Hey, you are taking yoga tonight, you really don't have to kill yourself here". Other side of the brain responds "Um, yes you do - your cardio sucks remember?" Then, the one man I can't argue with, Will Smith, pops up with his new video "Switch" and it's all over. Will looks at me as the video is starting and says "get that ass going girl". So away the feet go (with the hill climb program on the elliptical) and I'm just jamming away. The next few videos rocked as well and just kept pushing. The whole time my brain was fighting. When I finished I realized that my heart rate was up higher than it's been in ages. Last night I took a yoga class. They keep the class pretty warm (not as warm as bikram but close). I was sweating my ass off. My brain was fighting again (and if you two don't cut it out I will be forced to separate you!) but the good side kept winning and I kept pushing. I got on the scale this morning and half way through the week, I'm already down 2 pounds. I guess it's time to come clean.... I haven't been pushing myself hard enough. Just showing up at the gym isn't enough. I have to push myself beyond my comfort zone. I have to get super sweaty and gross and not be able to talk because I am working so hard. Maybe if I keep this up, I will actually get to goal by the end of the year (20lbs away).

Still learning the blogging process..

I wrote something, decided I didn't want it posted and deleted it and then I had this huge hole on my blog so I just thought I'd ramble a bit to fill up the space. Sawry!

Nothing new to report so....

I was just wondering. What are your favorite blogs (besides mine of course). I read about 28 blogs right now and want to read more. Doesn't have to be infertility or adoption. Give me your best url's! _______ Please check out all of the new fabulous blogs I've added to my list. I've been very lax lately about adding them (sorry fellow bloggers!).

Attention Bible Thumpers...

Don't bother posting your comments here - they will only be deleted. I have no respect for you or what you have to say.

Wholly Smokes! What was I thinking!

Over the weekend I did a fitness assessment. The trainer who did my assessment said that my strength is in the "excellent" range but my cardio was the pits. So what do I do?? I took a spin class this morning. OH MY POOR COOTER! Now I know why I didn't take any spin classes while going through fertility treatments. That would definitely have sent me right over the edge. For anyone who doesn't know what spinning is, it's an intense cardio workout on a stationary bike in a dark room with thumping music blasting and black lights. I have decided to do 2 classes a week. 2 classes a week should definitely get my cardio range up. Now, what I don't understand is, most people with a poor/fair cardio range should not be able to keep up in that class. I kept up quite well. The only reason I had to slow down at the end was not because I was out of breath or too tired, it's because my cooter was screaming at me to stop. So, to the trainer who told me that my cardio sucked - fuck you (said nicely since he's generally a good guy). ----------------------------------------- We worked on the baby's room this weekend. Marc took out the shelf and the pole in the closet and ripped the stuff off the wall. I spackled and painted the woodwork. Some point between now and next weekend we will sand down the spackled areas, paint the closet and build the organizer (ok, Marc will build the organizer). ----------------------------------------- Congrats to Cecily on getting her dream home. May it be filled with love and laugher.

Spoke with the doctor (and update on the paperwork)

I spoke with my gynocologist about her nurse. Turns out, it's a nurse that I (normally) think very highly of. She doesn't know why the nurse would have said that to me and will discuss it with her today. So, I got the medical report back in the mail from my new physician and I also got a lovely letter from our VP of Finance confirming that I am employee "in good standing". Moving right along :)

FUCK YOU GOD!

It is 8 pm on Wed night. I just got off the phone w/the imaging center. They are squeezing me in tomorrow a.m. You see, they found two "nodes" in my left breast and just have to be sure it's nothing. "It's probably only a cyst". That's what they said. By the time you read this, I will have answers. I can't post this on my blog before I have answers. I don't know if my Mom reads my blog or not but this is not the way to find out that my first mamogram was also my first breast cancer scare. I needed to write because I'm so fucking scared. I feel so alone. I just walked with 45,000 women who have, in some way, been touched by breast cancer yet I feel like the only person in the world to have an abnormal mamogram. I KNOW I'M OVERREACTING. I know it's probably just a cyst. I'm just terrified of the other possibilities. Did you know that if I have breast cancer it completely fucks up our chances of adopting??? If that happens I'm going to be a crazy cat lady. Marc brought me flowers to try to cheer me up. He's coming with me tomorrow and it means more than I can say. How this wonderful healthy man got mixed up with fucked up me I'll never know but he must have pissed someone off in a previous life. He made me a wonderful dinner with a beautiful salad so I will stop feeling sorry for myself, eat some dinner, drink myself into oblivion and deal with this tomorrow. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It's tomorrow and they have squeezed my tits to about an inch, poured goo on them and rubbed it around with a big wand and I'm fine. It was probably just a cyst. I left a message for my doctor. Lady who answers the phone asked what the call was in reference to and I told her that I am one pissed off patient and I want a call back. You see, what started all of this loveliness was one of her staff members. On the way home yesterday, my cell starts to ring so I answer it. I hear "Hi Julie, this is stupid cunt from Dr. R's office, I thought I should give you call because I'm a breast cancer survivor myself". WHAT THE FUCK????? I kept saying "excuse me?". I couldn't hear her telling me that it was probably nothing, probably just a cyst because I had "I'm a cancer survivor myself" ringing in my head. I'm also pissed that, if there was a problem, she should have called me herself, not had that idiot call me.

Oh, for crying out loud!

Last night I go and get my very first mamogram. Ladies, if you have been putting if off, cut that shit out. It doesn't hurt, it's uncomfortable and they put these really cool stickers on your nipples. Ok, so I get my tits squashed the least my gyno can do is read the fucking report! I called this afternoon and was told that the results weren't in, then I called the imaging center, they faxed them at 8am. Called the gyno's office was told they never received them, called the imaging center and asked them to refax. Call the gyno's office, gyno is gone for the day, never reviewed them, will be seeing patients all day tomorrow so probably won't have a chance to read them tomorrow either so I'm looking at a Friday phone call. Ok, bitching done. Things to be thankful for... 1. Home Equity Loan has come through for the adoption. 2. I had my very first (and probably only) HIV test and it was, of course, negative. 3. My hepatitis B came back with no antibodies which is good because it means I've never had it but it's bad because it means I'm at risk to get it but unless I'm working in healthcare or childcare it's not a concern. 4. My cholesterol is fucking amazing. Only 156 (88 good 68 bad). The doctor said that even though I haven't been losing weight, it's obvious that my working out has paid off.

WWWWWHHHHHHEEEEEEEE

We had our home study on Saturday. Is it wrong that I adore the social worker who is doing our home study? She is so kind and so funny. I really get the feeling of "I want to give you a baby as much as to you want one... I just have to make sure that you are not psycho killers first". We had to agree not to use corporal punishment. No problemo! Marc was kidding around with her and asked her if duct tape was ok. She laughed. I told Marc that duct tape is out these days, masking tape is the way to go. Again, she laughed. She liked the house and approved of our plans for the nursery. Agreed that my Mom's idea to do a closet organizer and curtains over the closet instead of doors works well in the room. She said that it takes about a week or so to write up the report. She has to run it by a few people and then she will send it up to INS for our I600-A. Oh, and the best news.... we don't' have to write the autobiography. She has enough information about the two of us that she doesn't feel it's necessary and most people don't do them anyway. Went today for my physical. You meet the greatest people in the craziest of places. I couldn't stand my old primary doctor. Half the time you saw her nurse practitioner and that was after waiting 2 hours or more. I got a recommendation from my gynecologist. My new doctor is Puerto Rican and her husband..... IS GUATEMALAN! How fucking cool is that? She was very excited for us and gave me some interesting recommendations that I don't think I would have gotten from anyone else. She suggested that we get immunization against hepatitis A because it's very prevalent in Guatemala. Also did a TB test on me so that in case anything does happen when we are down there, we will know for sure that I was negative before the trip. Marc is making his appointment for a physical today. Moving right along :)

Back On Track

Whew. I spoke with Officer Rayma. She was just lovely. Apparently our birth & marriage certificates were not with the application so she just needs some more copies. No biggie, Marc is throwing the in the mail today. She said that once she gets the home study she'll set up our appointments for fingerprints. Moving right along do do do do do do foot loose and fancy free... getting there is half the fun come share it with me.

Our little coaster hit a bump...

And the car comes to a halt because of a little bump on the tracks. We got a letter from the Department of National Security (or some crazy shit like that) that says that we didn't include the birth & marriage certificate (we included a copy - guess the rules have changed and we need an original). So Marc will be mailing out the certified birth & marriage certificates today. Why is it a bump, well, on the letter they sent us they said that it's taking 10 weeks to clear people through this part of the process. 10 WEEKS! That's like more than 3 fucking months people. Repeating to myself "sometimes life doesn't happen on your schedule, sometimes life happens on other people's schedule and there really isn't anything we can do about it so we have to try not to stress out too much". Maybe if I keep saying this enough (my version of the Serenity Prayer) I will really believe it and be able to relax a bit. On to something happy then... I had a date last night :) Marc and I finished up a lot of the house for the home study so we were able to go out and play a little last night. We went to get his Comics (Wednesday is new comic day) and then walked down the street to eat dinner. Had a very yummy watermelon margarita and a Cuban sandwich. MMMMMMMM There goes my weight watcher points right out the window.

A correction and some silliness

First, the correction... Yesterday's post about our lovely bloger over at Inward Musing was a bit premature. Her clearance is to go visit her son. Unfortunately, she's not quite at the point where she can bring him home but she will be able to go and hold him in her arms for the first time. Have a wonderful trip my friend :) Now, the silliness. Last night my darling husband made me a wonderful dinner of turkey chili, oven baked fries and a lovely salad. After we had eaten dinner and cleared the table we relaxed for a bit. Now, I was ready for dessert. Luckily for me... so was Marc. I asked him what we had and he rattled off the list of various light ice creams that we had in the freezer. He asked me which one I'd want and I told him to surprise me. He says ok and walks into the kitchen. Now, I'm just sitting on the sofa, watching TV when he comes running (full force) back into the room and screams "SURPRISE" at the top of his lungs. I just about 30 feet and looked at him like he was insane and he said.... "You told me to surprise you". I almost pee'd myself I was laughing so hard. Yes, I Love That Man Of Mine!

Woo Hoo! Say a little prayer

For my friend over at Inward Musings http://stilhoping12.blogspot.com/. DNA has been approved and she is leaving shortly to bring home her beautiful little son. I cried when I read her post. Her son is coming home. She's going to be a fantastic mother and her husband will be a great Dad. Good luck to you and G-d speed!

So very nice...

I spoke with our Adoption Coordinator's assistant yesterday. The Lovely Connie. Just clarifying a few questions I had. What is this I-797C form (it comes autmatically from the Government after the I600-A gets taken care of)? Is the background check mentioned on the checklist the same one as done by the home study people (yes)? Are the three personal references the same as the ones for the home study (yes)? Whew!

A Story That Everyone Should Read

A special Thank You to Princess M (my sister) for forwarding this beautiful story to me. -------- REMEMBER THE HOLOCAUST - IT HAPPENED!Now a touching story in memory of the holocaust.....The Schindler no one knewIrena Sendler rescued 2,500 children from the Nazi death camps. Her story, writes Marti Attoun in Ladies' Home Journal, was rescued by three Kansas teens.Irena Sendler keeps a photo of "her Kansas girls" on the bedside table in her nursing-home room in Warsaw, Poland. She rests easier now that her story is in good hands. And her story is astounding, as awe-inspiring as that of Oskar Schindler, whose courageous acts of Nazi resistance became a book and an Academy Award-winning film. But unlike Schindler, who received international acclaim, Sendler had been a footnote in history for nearly 60 years.That all changed in September 1999, when three teenagers in a smalltown in Kansas were looking for a topic for a history project andstumbled upon a short mention of Sendler in an article in a 5-year-oldnewsmagazine. As a Catholic social worker, the article said, Sendler had organized the rescue of 2,500 Jewish babies and children from the Nazi-controlled Warsaw ghetto in 1942 and 1943. "We thought it was a typo," recalls Elizabeth Cambers, now 18 and a college freshman. "We thought it was supposed to say she rescued 250 children, not 2,500." In September 1939, when the Nazis invaded Poland, Sendler was a 29-year-old social worker employed by Warsaw's social-welfare department. An only child, she had been just 7 when her father, a Catholic doctor, contracted typhus and died after treating Jews during a 1917 typhus outbreak. But she never forgot his sacrifice. "I was taught that if a man is drowning, it is irrelevant what is his religion or nationality," Sendler has said. "One must help him. It is a need of the heart." In the fall of 1940, Sendler watched as the Nazis forced 350,000 Jews inside the Warsaw ghetto, a 16-square-block area that was walled off and guarded. With each passing month of the war, the torment of the people locked inside intensified. They were dying of starvation and disease while unknowingly waiting for the Nazis to herd them into freight cars that would ultimately take them to their deaths in the gas chambers. Sendler joined Zegota, the code name for the Council for Aid to Jews in Occupied Poland, an underground network founded in December 1942 by psychologist Adolf Berman and six other prominent scholars, religious leaders, and social activists. The secret organization, which forged thousands of birth certificates and other documents to give Jews safe Aryan identities, asked Sendler to head up their operation to smuggle Jewish children out of the Warsaw ghetto. But first she had to get inside. Because the Nazis were on guard against the spread of infections, they allowed the delivery of medicine inside the Ghetto. A Zegota member working inside the Polish disease department forged a permit that allowed Sendler to work undercover as a nurse inside the ghetto. Her code name was Jolanta. With the help of 10 "messenger friends," as Sendler called her colleagues, and dozens of volunteers, she organized the effort to sneak the children to orphanages, convents, and private homes in the Warsaw region. Children who were old enough to talk were taught to rattle off Christian prayers and mimic other religious behavior (such as how to make the sign of the cross) so they could live safely without arousing suspicion of their Jewish heritage. Sendler and Zegota devised several routes for smuggling children out of the ghetto. Kids escaped on foot or in the arms of volunteers through sewer pipes or basements with underground passageways. Many also escaped through the courthouse, which had entrances on both the ghetto side and Aryan side. Other methods were more inventive. For instance, a trolley driver and Zegota member, when crossing from the ghetto to the Aryan side, hid little ones in trunks, suitcases, or sacks under his back-seat, where the Nazi guards could not see. Another supporter, an ambulance driver, kept his dog beside him in the front seat and trained him to bark to camouflage any cries or noises from the babies hidden under stretchers in back. Sendler also arranged for babies and children to be sedated and smuggled out with merchants in potato sacks, under their loads of goods. Sometimes, she even sneaked sedated children out in body bags, telling the guards that they were dead. Day after day, for about 16 months, Sendler persuaded parents and grandparents to hand over their babies and children, to give them a if chance to live. "There were terrible scenes," Sendler says. "One mother I wanted a child to leave the ghetto while the father did not. The grandma wanted, the husband did not. They asked what was the guarantee? What kind of guarantee could I give them?" She couldn't even guarantee that she could get past the guards. On slips of tissue paper, Sendler recorded the identity of every child she rescued. Whenever possible, she wrote down the child's Jewish name as well as the child's new Christian name and new address. Sendler buried these names in jars under an apple tree in a friend's garden. After the war, Sendler hoped, the children would be located and their Jewish identities revealed to them. On Oct. 20, 1943, the Gestapo arrested Sendler. They had long suspected she was running a smuggling operation, and one of hermessengers had been caught and tortured until she gave up Sendler's name and home address. The Gestapo interrogated Sendler, demanding information about the identities of the other rescuers and the children in hiding. But she refused to talk, even when she was beaten until her legs and feet were broken. "I was quiet as a mouse," Sendler has said. "I would have rather died than disclose anything about our operations." She was then taken to Pawiak prison, where she was sentenced to be executed. At the last minute, however, the woman who had rescued so many others was herself rescued. On the day she was to be executed, Zegota paid a hefty bribe to a guard, who allowed Sendler to escape. The guard subsequently posted Sendler's name on public bulletin boards as one of the executed, essentially rendering her invisible to the Nazis. She then went into hiding in Poland, just like the children she'd saved. When Poland was liberated a year and three months later, in January 1945, Sendler returned to the friend's garden and dug up the jars. She turned over the rescued children's names to Zegota's Berman, and he and other members of the group tried to locate the children's foster families. Sadly, most of the children had no parents or grandparents to be found. Less than 1 percent of the Jews inside the ghetto survived the war, most having perished at the Treblinka death camp in northeast Poland. After the war, Sendler married, raised two children of her own, and continued her career as a social worker in Warsaw. The beatings she had suffered at the hands of the Gestapo left her permanently disabled, and she has had trouble walking ever since. But she never talked openly about her rescue work. Poland was under a communist regime, and the postwar climate wasn't safe. For almost 60 years, her story was essentially lost to history. Then, in March 2000, she received a letter from Elizabeth Cambers and two of her classmates at Uniontown High School in Uniontown, Kan. Encouraged by their social studies teacher, the girls had selected Sendler as the subject of their National History Day project, and though information about her was scarce, they had been able to write a 10-minute play, titled Life in a Jar, that had already won first place at the state level of the national contest."We explained who we were and what we were doing," says Sabrina Coons, now 20 and a student at Kansas State University. "We told her that we found her story amazing." Sendler's response, handwritten in Polish, arrived in Kansas three weeks later. "I am very eager to receive and read your play," Sendler wrote. In a series of letters, Sendler answered the students' questions, and slowly the details of her remarkable story unfolded; an international friendship was forged. After an emotional performance of Life in a Jar at Uniontown High, the students were invited to perform the play for church groups, nursing homes, and civic organizations throughout southeast Kansas. Through their correspondence with Sendler, the teens learned that she lived quite meagerly. So at each performance, they set out a donation jar. Their first gift to Sendler was $3, which they told her to use for postage. "We found out later that she gave the $3 away to a children's home," says Coons. "That's just how she is." Although the girls didn't win any awards when they traveled toMaryland in June 2000 to compete in the national contest, their play gained national and international attention, and the students have since given more than 100 performances of the play in eight different states.As a result, Sendler has received numerous awards for her courageous work. After learning she was to be given a $10,000 humanitarian award from the American Center of Polish Culture in Washington, she wrote to her girls: "My emotion is being shadowed by the fact that no one from the circle of my faithful co\workers, who constantly risked their lives, could live long enough to enjoy all the honors that now are falling upon me.... I can't find the words to thank you, my dear girls.... Before the day you have written the play Life in a Jar -- nobody in my own country and in the whole world cared about my person and my work during the war ..." One member of a Kansas City audience was so profoundly moved by Sendler's story that he raised money to send the play's three authors to Poland to meet Sendler in May 2001. "It wasn't real until I actually met Irena," says Megan Stewart. "We all ran up and hugged her. She wanted to just hold our hands and hear about our lives." Cambers told Sendler, "I love you. You are my hero." Sendler, a 4-foot-11-inch woman who now uses a wheelchair, deflected the girls' praise. "A hero is someone doing extraordinary things," she told them. "What I did was not extraordinary. It was a normal thing to do." From "The Woman Who Loved Children," Ladies' Home Journal

And we are rounding a bend

I got a very sweet email today. It read... Just wanted to introduce myself. I know you all are close to finishing up your homestudy with Cherry Hill, and that you have filed your I600A (I think). I am the person at the agency you will talk to the most once you begin your process in Guatemala, so I thought I would say hello. Give me a call when you get a chance so we can touch base. Thanks, Lisa Wow, what a nice lady! I spoke with her, at length, on the phone and she answered a ton of my questions. She said that after we get our referral it would be, approximately, 6 months to get the baby. She said that the quickest she did was 4 1/2 months and the longest was 11 months (had some issues on that one). She has never had someone not bring home a baby (let's not give us a kenohura please). She emailed me the dossier requirements and all I can say is... Yikes! Well, I know what we'll be working on this weekend. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Have I mentioned that Marc made a smoked turkey breast for us to have for lunch during Passover? It's so easy I thought I'd share. Now, you don't need a smoker. You can either use your gas bbq grill or you can throw together a flower pot smoker (see Alton Brown's "Q" episode on Good Eats on the Food Network on 5/25 at 10:30 a.m. and 5/26 at 2:00 p.m. - tivo it people). If you have a gas grill with at least 3 burners - just take the grill off of one side. Flip the cover on the burner over and put a smoker box (you can get them at Home Depot) and fill with either mesquite or Hickory wood chips (again, Home Depot). If you google smoked turkey you can get a couple of different brines or just put some spices on the outside and you are good to go. A turkey breast took Marc about 2 hrs and 15 minutes. Just check the wood every 1/2 hr or so. If you use the mesquite wood the flavor is just incredible. We've also done brisket & ribs this way although they take much longer to cook.

Breast Cancer Walk

My mother, sister and I are doing the 5k on Mother's Day to raise money for Breast Cancer. If you'd like to donate, our team page is http://www.doitsports.com/donations/view-pledges.tcl?txn=2591033&id=1942

Say Goodnight Gracie

That's what I've decided to name my eggs. Say goodnight, goodbye, see ya later, hasta la vista baby, it's been nice knowing ya, etc. I'm entering menopause. That's right, at the ripe old age of 37 I'm fucking old. Not just old anymore (like my kid sister always says), I'm fucking old. I saw my gynecologist today (who rocks) and told her what happened last night. That, coupled with my high FsH, leads her to believe that I have entered menopause. She has asked me to go to an internist for a full physical to confirm it (also to check the thyroid and make sure that puppy is operational). On the happy side, it was nice to see my old friends at the RE's office. The staff there has been so good to me. It was funny, I don't think that Dr. H realized who I was when she ran by me (on the way to do an HSG - poor girl) and just gave me a quick wave. I saw the two Sharrons and they were very excited when I told them about the adoption. I promised to bring our baby by when we got settled at home. Now, let me tell you about my gynecologist. She is wonderful, kind, sincere and just fucking awesome. She told me that we did everything right. That nothing we could have done would have changed our outcome. That we requested our referral for the RE in the right amount of time (6 months after we started trying to conceive), that we following all the right protocols. Nothing would have changed. I think I healed a little bit more today. It was funny, I was sitting on the table in that paper schmata they have you wear and she's getting ready to leave, turns around and says "I need to give you a hug" and gave me a big hug. She said, your choice will take a child out of poverty and give him a loving home. I'm proud of you.

Splish Splash I was Taking A Bath

No I wasn't! I was trying to sleep but I woke up drenched in sweat. Not just damp mind you, fucking dripping sweat. I went into the bathroom and the water was pouring off of me like someone had dumped a bucket over my head. That kind of sweating. Now, when I took the clomid, I got hot flashes. I woke up damp and uncomfortable and would have to turn the fan on. Last night I woke up damp and turned the fan on. A few hours later is when I woke up in this horrible state. When I took Clomid, the bed would be slightly damp as I got up but was dry by the time I returned from the bathroom. Last night there was a puddle on my side of the bed. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ALL ABOUT? I'm really starting to worry about what those drugs did to my body. Before all of this infertility crap, I got my period like clockwork. I ovulated like a champ. I was every RE dream come true. I take these drugs and all of a sudden my body is all fucked up. I'm not on schedule any more (even though I've been off the drugs for 2 months), I'm getting major night sweats, I'm not ovulating right (if at all). I really wonder if my FsH really DID shoot up that high naturally or is it all from the drugs. I have my regular gyno appointment today. I hope she has set aside a little time for me because I have every intention of picking her brain.

AAAAACCCCKKKK

Ok, that was just a little hill but scary nonetheless. We finally got our shit together and are mailing out our I600-A form (pre-approval of immigration) which comes with more fingerprinting and the Agency Agreement (whopper of a check too!). I woke up around 1:30 this morning in a panic. What if I forgot to feed the baby? How do I know when he's hungry? I'm getting a little nutty, I know this. But it really had me in a bit of a state this morning. Marc is sick. This is not normal. He never gets sick. Coughing, sneezing generally feeling shitty (with a 101 fever to boot!). He was feeling a little better today but I just hate seeing him like this. We spent the weekend doing Passover Seders. Fun huh? The first night was at my brother's house which I promptly stole Eli from his Grandfather and cuddled with him while he slept. I was in heaven. He laid across my lap for a good part of the Seder just sleeping away. Mom got a little too drunk and Princess took away the wine from her which was an absolute riot. The other two kids were a hoot. Running around being kids. I loved it. They have so much life and energy. It's amazing, the big one (4) takes such good care of his little sister (2). Making sure she keeps up with him and his little friends (my brother's business partner also has two that are 5 & 6), that no one (but him) picks on her. She has the most amazing curls I've ever seen. I could just eat the both up! I have to say, their mother is amazing. I just hope I can be as good a mom to my kid(s) as she is to hers. Not that my brother isn't a good dad.. he is an amazing dad but there is just something about the way she is with them that just awes me. The second night we went to (see if you can follow this) my mother-in-law's, gentlemen friend's (she's too old to have a boyfriend) son & daughter-in-law. They live out in bumblefuck USA but they do have a beautiful home with a private lake. It was a beautiful day (with Marc coughing and sneezing our way out there) for a drive so it was no big deal. What sucked was that the Seder was at 2pm (we originally thought it was supposed to be at 4:30) which fucked up the rest of our day. Still, it was a nice time. His son is a complete ass but his daughter-in-law is lovely. They have a beautiful Great Dane. I was joking that the dog was so big that his nephew (who was crawling across the floor and is about a year old) could ride him. He then grabs the baby off the floor and tries to put it on the dogs back. Now the dog (who is more like a pony than a dog) is jumping around trying to get at the baby, he puts the baby back on the floor and the dog almost tramples the poor kid. As I said, he's an ass. Lots of religion for a short weekend. Time to get back to work.

click, click, click, click...

The roller coaster has begun again. Marc had his interview last night which he described as the life and times of Marc crammed into an hour. He felt it went well and she even mentioned that she'd like to inspect the house next weekend (note to self - call cleaning lady and beg her to clean up next week too). I feel like things are starting to move forward again which makes me happy but I'm just not quite sure about what's around the corner (is it a big drop, a little drop, a blind curve, what??) so it's making me very apprehensive. This morning I was scratching Marc's back and found a huge lump. Scared the shit out of me. He's going to have our Sister-In-Law (who's a great doc) take a look at it. Oh, for any dieter's reading this... we discovered a new ice cream treat last night. Eskimo came out with an light Strawberry Shortcake Ice Cream Bar which is made with splenda. If you are a weight watcher... it's only 2 points. Very small on the serving size but very creamy and tasty. I'd give it a 7 on a 1-10 scale.

Ah... Butterflies

Nope, not the pretty ones floating around outside in the beautiful spring air. I'm talking about those devil butterflies that like to reside in my tummy! Marc has his first interview with the social worker tonight. She called yesterday evening and apologized for not getting back to us sooner. She said she looked at her calendar and realized that next week was Passover and could we schedule the meeting for tonight. Of course, Marc said yes. Why am I nervous? Marc is the most incredibly fantastic man in the world. He's going to make the best Daddy in the world. She has to adore him. I guess I'm nervous because whether I like it or not... this woman is holding our future in her hands. I hated being out of control when I was dealing with my infertility (not that fertility is ever really in our control) and now I am out of control with the adoption. I actually feel more out of control with the adoption. There was much more for me to do with the infertility. I was sticking needles into my stomach and legs, going to the doctor 2x a week. In yoga class the other day, our teacher, Steve, said that sometimes we have to learn to be kind to ourselves. Not stress out our bodies and minds over things that are out of our control. He spoke of waiting for a plane and the plane was delayed. He just accepted the fact that sometimes things are on other people's schedule's and he can't change that. I guess I have to just accept the fact that this part of my life is on someone else's schedule. Today I will try to be kinder to my stomach and not let this get to me too much. (this concludes the granola crunchy part of my blog - you can stop throwing up now).

~yawn, stretch, scratch~

Good Morning World! And what a beautiful morning it is! It's supposed to get to 85 today (of course tomorrow is supposed to be 60 but who cares) and I'm feeling quite pretty in my little sundress. I went to yoga last night and Steve, the instructor, really kicked my ass. I had a harder time keeping up last night because the room was a little hotter than normal. It's really amazing what a few degrees can do to your body. I love the fact that I sweat like crazy because I feel as if I'm detoxing a bit of those fertility drugs every time I go. Hopefully my weight loss will kick back in. I have an appointment w/my regular gyno for my annual. My RE wants her to run a thyroid panel just in case. Wouldn't that be wonderful? Just take a pill and get skinny. Marc has called our social worker 3x already to schedule his appointment and hasn't heard back. I'm starting to worry.

Can you help me figure this out???

http://members.home.nl/saen/Special/Zoeken.swf You are supposed to figure out what the differences are between the two pictures. ***Warning - if you are pregnant... don't help me***

Update

Well, Dad is doing great. He got out of the hospital on Friday and was even able to get to my nephew's bris. He is definately on the road to recovery. This weekend I was in Cohasset, MA for a wedding with Marc. What an incredibly beautiful place. It's on the water and just so clean and beautiful. The houses are amazing and basically start in the $500k range for a little shack no where near the water (and I thought prices were outrageous where I live!). The wedding was at the Red Lion Inn and I highly recommend it. The food was great and, from what I understand, the accomodations are lovely (we stayed about 10 minutes away). Marc has left two messages for the social worker to set up his appointment. I hope she calls back soon. I don't want anything holding us up.

My husband is just not right!

I told him that they took my father for an ultrasound because they found a hemotoma on his leg. His response... Wow, hope they don't hurt his vagina. I was crying I was laughing so hard. Only a man who has gone through the fertility wringer would think of something like that.

And the word of the day is....

SLUTPUPPET. Yep, that's what my baby sister called me today as we left the restaurant at lunch (and we tripped over each other). There was a lady standing outside the restaurant that almost died laughing. Dad is doing really well. The angioplasty went fine. In fact the doctor took us back to the lab and showed us the video of my Dad's heart during the procedure. He showed us the blockage, then what the stint looked like, then they inflated it, then they removed the catheter and then there was no blockage. It was so fucking cool! It was a riot watching my Mom and Sister torture each other today. We definitely put the fun into dysfunctional. Between my sister taking the purple surgical gloves cause she liked the color (the nurses gave her turquoise ones too), to my Mom daring my sister to ask some random guy how old he was in the restaurant. I swear they are such a trip and a half. To those of you said prayer, sent good vibes, etc... Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Keep those prayers, good thought, happy vibes

Coming. Today Dad is going in for his angeoplasty. Luckily, he only has blockage in one artery so the doctor said he would able to get out in time for the bris tomorrow. As long as all goes well today, I'm going to take a yoga class. I need the release. I didn't go to the gym this morning because I was just to fucking tired (and luckily for me... so was Marc). He ran last night (about 6 miles!) and since I am, hopefully, going to take the yoga class, we figured we could skip our usual workout.

and so it continues

First... an update on Dad. He had the cardiac catheterization done and he has an 80% blockage in one of his arteries on the left and is hypertensive on the right. They can do an angeoplasty on the artery but the hypertension is probably here to stay. It's from the COPD. The doctor said there is a chance he could be out in time for my new Nephew's bris. Let's cross our fingers cause Dad would be super upset if he had to miss it. Second... I hate assholes. More specifically gym assholes. Today is my lifting day and I was doing lower body. I get close to the end of my workout and it's time to work on my calves. I decide I'll do the seated calf lift so I go over to the machine and there is about 100lbs of weights left on it. Now, this is a common, recurring problem at my club. People don't clean up after themselves and the people who work there are too busy socializing to take care of it. I'm not about to lug 100lbs around so I just take it off the machine and leave it on the floor for the staff to take care of. So, this particular machine is fairly heavy without any weights so I do my first set without anything on the machine. I'm resting between sets and this idiot, Sam, walks up to me and says "what do you think you are doing?" "What does it look like I'm doing?" I reply. "It looks like you are standing in front of a machine with no weight on it" the asshole says with a very snide attitude. He looks over at the weights on the floor (he probably set the machine up for himself and went to do other things first). I told him "Yeah, some inconsiderate asshole left weights on the machine and I'm not about to lug them around". I then continued on with my workout. I hate self-absorbed people. The only thing I hate more than self-absorbed people is self-absorbed people at 6:30 in the morning!

And the Beat Goes On.....

Dad is still in the hospital. They weren't able to complete the cardiac catheterization last week because he was retaining so much fluid it caused a great deal of pressure in his heart and lungs and they just didn't want to risk it. He's having it done again today so I'm nervous as hell. I met with the social worker last night. I got there a little early. She apologized for keeping me waiting (even though she was right on time). We went into a conference room and sat down. She pulled out a few bottles of Starbucks Frappachino and a couple of cups of ice she had brought from home. How sweet is that? Basically she asked me a ton of questions about my family, childhood, education and work history. An hour and a half later.... we were done. She will be calling tomorrow night to set up Marc's appointment. So... we are moving right along. ---------------------------------------------------------- MOVIE REVIEW We saw Sin City this weekend and it was incredible. Very violent but the cinematography was incredible! It's done in black and white (like the comic book) but where the comic had flashes of color, so did the movie. Great story line and great acting. Two thumbs up!

This day blows! Part 4 (this is getting old)

Dad's still in the hospital - he has his cardiac catherization tomorrow.... my sister-in-law is in labor with baby number 3 and my brother announces that my Uncle who lives in the Dominican Republic has left his wife and is returning to the US. When you ask... Today.... what time you ask... WHO THE FUCK KNOWS! My brother seriously needs to get his head out of his ass. He knew he wouldn't be able to pick him up at the airport. My other uncle is away and my Mom needs to be with my dad so who does this all fall to? That's right boys and girls, your lucky heroine. On a brighter note, I have my first appointment to meet with the social worker from the home study agency next Tuesday. We go on Saturday to get fingerprinted.

This Day Blows! Part 3

Dad has to have the cardiac catheter. He's supposed to be having the procedure done tomorrow. They think he may have some blockage. The good news is that they may be able to take care of the blockage (if there is any) with the catheter itself so he would only have to go through an invasive procedure once. My Mom and Sister definitely changed their tune last night (Sister even complimented my shirt). Ah family. Can't live with them... can't shoot them. So I'm supposed to go to Yoga tonight w/my friend Joelle. I got up, packed my gym back, packed my yoga bag, packed our lunches, poured the coffee and out the door we ran (15 minutes behind schedule). I worked out, showered and discovered that I had left my brushes home and the shoes I brought don't really look right w/my pants (yes I look sooooo lovely today). Then, as I was throwing my gym bag into the trunk of my car, I discovered that I forgot my yoga bag. Plus, on top of all of this, I have major shin splints from walking to and from the hospital in heels yesterday. Well... at least it's sunny out right??

This Day Blows!!!! Part 2

First, and most importantly, an update on Dad. He has been admitted and they are running tests. My Mom called to say that there is a "meeting" w/the doctor and that she thinks they didn't like something on his EKG. I'm just sitting here, waiting for her to call (or for the work day to be done - whichever happens first). This sucks. I wish my Dad was healthier. **update** apparently the EKG isn't giving them enough info so they want to do a catheter. Great... just fucking great. Last time he had that done they stroked him. UUGGGH Second, and completely insignificant. I'm so tired of being the whipping post. When I went in to see my Dad last night after work I got completely bashed by my Mom and Sister. I walked into the room I said to them how unhappy I was w/the way I was looking. That I had grabbed my stuff before I left for the gym (first thing in the a.m.). Basically making it quite clear that I was very aware of the fact that I look like shit. My sister went on to rag on me about what I was wearing and my mom went on to give me shit about going to Old Navy (because I don't want to spend the $$ on clothes that I don't intend to be wearing for very long). I really felt like they were kicking me when I was down. Their answer in all this?? I had an "attitude" yesterday while we were at the hospital. Speaking of being down. What the FUCK is going on with my body. The entire time I was on clomid & the injectibles, I'd have a modest weight gain here or there. I managed to fend everything off pretty well. Now that I am off the meds my body has gone insane. I look pregnant. My stomach is very distended and my arms are really heavy. I've been off the meds for over a month now! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON???????

This Day Blows!

My Mom called. My Dad is being admitted to the hospital. Apparently he has gained 40lbs in 1 month and woke up this a.m. w/a badly swollen leg. He has Cellulitis. I'm glad that it was checked by the doctor right away and I'm glad that they are admitting him (his breathing hasn't been good lately). I just wish they would find a cure for his COPD. For those of you who are smokers that are reading this - PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stop. Right now. Do whatever it takes to stop smoking. Seeing my Dad like this is horrible. It's from smoking... nothing else. Just those fucking cigarettes. My Mom said I don't spend much time w/them and she thinks it's because of my Dad's failing health. Maybe she's right. Maybe subconsciously I am scared to see my Dad sick (even though he's been sick more often than not for the past 10-15 years). Time for that shit to end right now.

****WARNING - VERY SAD POST*******

Please proceed with caution. This is a very sad post. Last week I posted about a friend of ours whose 8 month old daughter was very sick and in the hospital. I'm sorry to say that she passed away. The funeral is tomorrow and I just can't bring myself to go. If we were close friends of the parents, I would force myself but I just don't feel strong enough emotionally to handle it. Marc is going w/his brother. Please say a prayer, send good vibes, good thoughts, etc. to this poor poor family.

Aw, come on - the rest of you.....

Let's go - identify yourselves. Stop lurking and join the fun. I know you're out there. My counter shows many lovely people stop by but you never say hi (except Floyd... Floyd delurked). Please say hi and introduce yourself. Let me know if you have a blog - I'll add you to my list.