This I Believe

This I believe Have a hankie ready!

Somebody please tell me

When the pain subsides. How long will it take to get the images of my father on his deathbed out of my head? How long till I can remember when my Dad was ok, not sick, not complaining. How long till I can forgive my brother? How long will it take to let things go? The meds are working... I believe. I just don't think there are any meds out there that can truly make this amount of pain subside. I don't know where I'd be without my boys. Honestly - I'd probably be dead. They are the reason I get out of bed in the morning. Dylan is getting so big! He's 23 months old (yesterday) and is just too funny. If you ask him what a chicken says - he tells you "bawk bawk" and flaps his wings. He loves dogs and every time we walk by one he yells doggie (which sounds very much like daddy). I need to get my fat ass back on weight watchers. I just saw some photos of myself and um, fuck, I'm gaining weight again. ~le sigh~

~Peaks out into Blogsphere~

Is anyone out there??? I'm sorry - I suck. Life has been crazy. My grandmother died at the end of January. My father... 7 days later. Yeah, way to start the year huh? I'm loving being a Mom. I'm loving watching Marc be a Dad. I'm loving watching Dylan grow. He's walking, signs like a champ, starting to talk more and more every day. I'm in a sort of "reunion". When my father died my brother came back into our lives. He may read this - I don't know. Frankly my dears (or what is left of you) I don't give a flying fuck on a rolling donut. Contrary to what people think or say... reunion blows chunks. I think reunion hurts more than estrangement. I don't know what to do or say. At this point, I'm just rolling with life. So on to happy things. Dylan is so fucking amazing I don't know how to put it into words. Tonight he killed me. He didn't want to go to bed so he tried something new.... as I put him into bed, he wrapped his arms around my arm and snuggled and wouldn't let go. I was tempted to crawl into his crib and go to sleep :) I'll try to be a better blogger.