Ack!

I took Dylan to the doctor's yesterday for a follow up. He's off the inhaler and just has to finish up the antibiotic. While we were waiting I put him up on the examining table to play with the crinkly paper (he loves that sound). All of a sudden he starts crawling on his hands and knees (instead of the army crawl). I almost passed out! I figured, maybe it's because of the paper that he's doing it, that it's helping him along. So, when we got home I put him on the hardwood floor and he started to crawl! It's kinda funny, he moves his hands and just drags his legs behind him. I called Marc and asked him when he'd be home, he was on his way so I told him I was glad he was on his way cause his son was crawling! When Marc got home, we took Dylan into the family room (all hard wood - no rugs) and he had a blast! We put him in the walker toy and his toes are just now touching the floor so he was able to get some motion. Then we put him on the floor and not only did he crawl but he surprised us both by pulling himself up on the exersaucer! Our boy is growing up!

What I Accomplished Today.

Jack Shit. That's what. Dylan awoke this morning wheezing up a storm. His coughing had gotten worse and now he was wheezing. I called the doctor's office and spoke with the after hours nurse. She said she wanted Dylan seen so we had a 10:45 appointment. We left after 2:00! Dylan is now on a nebulizer and antibiotics. Poor kid has an ear infection and it's irritating his bronchial passages (thus the nebulizer). I have to say - this nebulizer thing is the devil to Dylan. I don't think he's cried as much in the three months we've been with him than he did today. For each of the 10 minute treatments he just wailed. Tears and all. We tried giving him a treatment while he slept on my nap. That didn't go over well. I'm sure he's scarred for life and will tell his therapist that I traumatized him by doing that. Why do I feel so guilty? I know I did everything I was supposed to do up to this point but I just feel like if I had brought him in sooner, he may not have needed all of this shit (meds). He's on amoxicilon which I am allergic to. Because I had such a bad reaction to it, I'm very paranoid. I think I may have to glue the baby monitor to my head tonight. I do have to say that the doctor was impressed with Dylan. She wasn't Dylan's regular doctor. She was one of her partners. She couldn't believe that this baby, with 101 fever, infected ear and coughing up a storm was, when not coughing, smiling and charming everyone. We weren't surprised. That's Dylan.

The Pro-Life Movement

Is really scraping the bottom of the barrel when they use Her Supreme Tartlette as their role-model. Please don't misunderstand, I think the form of a pregnant woman is beautiful. I do, however, feel this particular sculpture with it's press release is hysterical.

Infertile LOST Fans (possible spoiler)

Ok, how many of you were flipping out when the doctor told Sun & Jin that they could never have children due to endo. Marc was laughing at me because I was so angry that they would say that just because she had endometriosis, that she could never get pregnant and there was nothing they could do about it (which we all know is not true). Of course, later, when the doctor stops Sun on the street to say that he lied because he didn't want her husband to lose face, I felt a smidge better. I was cruising the channels one day last week and saw one of my guilty pleasures was on. I flipped over to watch Beetle Juice. I love this movie but as I watched it part of me was sad. Buried in the plot of the movie is the infertility of Barbara. The real estate agent tells her that the house is too big for just the two of them and then looks horrorstruck and apologizes. A little later, as Barbara and her husband, Adam, are going out, he teases her that they can use this vacation to try again. I never noticed it before I had the fertility issues. It never struck me. Now, having gone through it I definately feel for that character. What other movies have struck you differently since going through IF?

What do you get when you have a baby in day care?

The flu. UGH! I've been sick since last Thursday. Coughing up a lung, sneezing and generally feeling like shit. Dylan's been hacking and was coughing quite a bit in his sleep last night. Hopefully, we are on the tail end of being sick. Other than that things have been good. Marc's Dad came in to meet Dylan (he lives in CO) and to see one of his other son's perform at Carnegie Hall with his choir. Marc and his brother went up w/his Dad to see the concert and reported back that it was wonderful. Dylan and I stayed home and got a visit from Bubbie who came bearing a few new books, a onsie that says "that's it, I'm going to Bubbie's" and fresh. home made homentashen. I'm just wanting to get through this week. From being sick I'm just exhausted. I have to stop at the market on the way home and then I'm in for the night! Thank Gd the cleaning woman comes tomorrow so I don't have to worry about cleaning up this weekend... just laundry.

Just a quick hello

Sorry I've been MIA lately. I've been so crazy with Dylan, with work and with family lately that I just don't seem to have the time to blog. I've gotten the hang of the wrap and I have to say, I love it! The only time I use the stroller is when I have a lot to carry, otherwise, he's tied to me. This morning, it was very cold so I faced him into me and put a blanket over him to protect him from the wind. I had my jacket open. It may have been 30 degrees out but I was quite comfortable and Dylan just laid his head on my chest and went to sleep. For some strange reason, he was up all night. I don't think it was his food so it must have been the teething. He has one on the bottom full through and one coming up from the bottom. He has one full through on the top side (think fang) and another coming up on the other side (other fang - we've been calling him Count lately). I'll try some Motrin tonight and hopefully we'll all get some sleep. Marc is such an incredible Dad. He's so good with Dylan. I just love to see them play together. I've decided to try to get my act together and try to get to my weight watchers goal. I have been playing with the same 5lbs for over a year now. I decided to do the core program and so far so good. I'm really hoping for a nice loss this week. Time will tell. The family stuff is my Mom's job. She works with Satan. Due to some issues - I really can't discuss it here but trust me, when all is said and done, I will totally out her company and tell you about the horrible treatment my Mom has received. I just worry about her and the stress she's under. Sorry to post and run but....

Guess what tomorrow is....

Yep, it's Steak and BJ Day!

Warning to my fellow infertiles in Palm Beach, Florida

Please please please spread the warning. Don't let this sick fucker pray on any more people! Surrogacy center's chief is chargedThe Cherry Hill center stole thousands from clients and from the surrogate mothers themselves, they say.By Sam WoodInquirer Staff WriterFor a fee, the MidAtlantic Center for Surrogacy in Cherry Hill promised to make dreams of parenthood come true. Tauheedah Jones, of Sicklerville, turned to the center because doctors said a pregnancy could kill her; Kenny Rohan of Long Island because his wife had lost her ovaries to cancer; Steven Cerqua of New York City because he wanted his partner, Ernesto, to experience the joys of fatherhood. Each looked to MidAtlantic to provide a surrogate mother who would carry a child until birth and then turn the infant over to the fee-paying parents. But as Jones and others would later relate, they had ventured into an unregulated netherworld where promises, they said, are not always as good as the money they put up. "I thought if I could give birth and not die, that would be great," said Jones, who has systemic lupus. "But it turned into a disaster." On Jan. 27, a Burlington County grand jury indicted MidAtlantic's program director, Len Brooks, on theft charges. Brooks, who has denied the charges, will have his first appearance in court Monday. Following the indictment, the prosecutor's office was inundated with calls. At least 17 people telephoned to register complaints about Brooks. A Marlton fertility clinic and seven individuals, including two in France, also contacted The Inquirer to say that they had lost thousands of dollars. Jones' story is typical of those of former clients. In 2001, Jones, then 23, wanted to have a child. But systemic lupus, an immune-system disorder, had begun to attack her kidneys. Her doctor had advised her against carrying her own child - but that did not mean she could not have another woman carry for her. So Jones scoured the Internet for information and an agency. She chose the MidAtlantic Center for Surrogacy and Egg Donation because it was the closest to her home. Surrogacy as we know it is relatively new. In 1980, a mother of three, known as "Elizabeth Kane," carried a boy for an Illinois couple. Advocates cite the Bible, Genesis 16:1-15, as the first recorded surrogate birth: when Hagar gave birth to Ishmael for Abraham and Sarah. There have been about 25,000 births through surrogacy since 1980, said Shirley Zager, director of the nonprofit Organization of Parents Through Surrogacy. Celebrities have flocked to it. During the last year alone, actress Angela Bassett, singer Art Garfunkel, and model Cindy Margolis became surro-parents, joining Joan Lunden, Kelsey Grammer, Peri Gilpin, soap opera star Deidre Hall, Cheryl Tiegs, actress Laurie Metcalf, author Jacquelyn Mitchard, and Michael Jackson. Jones had her first consultation with Brooks in 2001 and gave him a down payment of $7,000. He showed her pictures of his family - his partner, Brian, and the daughter they themselves had had through surrogacy. "He told me he was affiliated with the Cooper Center for In-Vitro Fertilization," said Jones, who was going to supply her own eggs. "They have a really good reputation." Over the next two years, Jones paid a total of $35,000 to MidAtlantic. The money was supposed to be held in trust and used for doctors, the surrogate mother in San Diego, and miscellaneous fees. From the start, there were problems. Brooks, in his role as coordinator of the pregnancy, gave the surrogate the wrong dates and times for doctors' appointments, Jones said. That was forgivable. She really began to worry when the fertility clinic, the Cooper Center for In-Vitro Fertilization in Marlton, sent her a letter saying they were no longer willing to work with Brooks' clients. "He wasn't paying the bills," said Jerome H. Check, the medical director of the Cooper Center. "He also told several patients he was affiliated with our office, which he wasn't. He used our credibility to have patients pay him, and suddenly nobody could get ahold of him." Jones asked Brooks for her account balance. Even though not even a single surrogacy procedure had been completed, her $35,000 escrow account was down to $14,800. Jones demanded receipts. She called the surrogate mother in California and asked how much of a stipend she was receiving from MidAtlantic. Brooks told Jones the surrogate would get $16,000. The surrogate told her she was getting $14,000. Jones threatened Brooks with a lawsuit if she did not get the balance of her money back. He sent her a check. It bounced, she said. He sent her another check, and she took it to the bank on which it was drawn. "I took it there three times," she said. "Each time, it wouldn't clear." Jacklen Billings, 24, volunteered to become an egg donor for MidAtlantic in 2004 after giving birth to her own child. A professional model in Blanco, Texas, Billings had enjoyed pregnancy so much that she decided to become a surrogate mother. "Everything was OK, until the first time I was owed money from Len. Then, he was suddenly unreachable," Billings said. MidAtlantic owes her more than $4,500, she said - and the paperwork she has demanded to end her contract. So far, only one criminal complaint has been filed against Brooks and MidAtlantic. The Burlington County indictment says Brooks took $24,500 from a single man from Evesham Township and promised to find a woman who would bear a child for him. Soon after cashing the man's check, Brooks told him the surrogate had backed out. Brooks promised to provide another surrogate or make a refund. Months went by. After nine months, the man filed charges, and Evesham police issued a warrant for Brooks' arrest. Brooks sent an $18,000 check directly to the police. He said he kept the remaining $6,500 to cover fees. Brooks denied the charges when he was reached last month in Florida, where he is now operating the International Surrogacy Consultants in Palm Beach. "It is apparent that the accuser is using the criminal justice system as a collections department," he said. He has declined later requests for interviews, at the advice his lawyer. MidAtlantic still maintains a Web site touting its presence in South Jersey. But Brooks has pulled out of his Cherry Hill "office" - a post-office box at a Mailbox Etc. - and set up the Florida agency, the prosecutor's office said. It's a box drop in the rear of a Palm Beach souvenir shop.

Just bop bop bopping along!

I am so tired of using the stroller on the train I can't begin to tell you. It's big, cumbersome and gets in everyone's way. Before we had left for Guatemala, I had picked up the Ultimate Baby Wrap. Well, I couldn't figure it out and it ended up stuffed back in our suitcase. I have a friend who uses a wrap and she came by the office to teach me how to use it (even let me use her daughter as a test subject. Well, this morning off we went to the train but instead of dumping Dylan into his stroller, he got strapped to my chest! I had him facing out and he absolutely loved it (as did I). I was able to get through the turnstile so much easier, I didn't have to deal with the elevator, it was wonderful! Plus, because we didn't have the stroller, we could sit down. We managed to score a seat in the very front of the train - so Dylan could look out of the front window. He was fascinated by the world flying by him. We then spent Saturday Morning walking around a lovely park. We watched the dogs and babies and just enjoyed the warm sun. It was heavenly! On Saturday afternoon I threw together a lasagne. I'm taking it over to Liana & Mason's later today (Sunday). I saw them on Friday afternoon before Liana's D&E procedure. They were in the park by my office and had called me to stop by. I am just amazed at their strength. They are amazing people and I'm just so sorry for their loss. All of their losses. I promise when I see them I will hung them for all of you. This afternoon, we are also going to see Double Bubbie (Dylan's Great Grandmother). It's her birthday this week and we are all getting together for a group visit. It's so hard to see her. She has no idea who she is, where she is, etc. She was such an amazing woman in her youth. I think my sister nailed it on the head when she said that Gd forgot Grandmom. After visiting, we are headed to my boss' house for brunch. Dylan will get to play with his girlfriend (whose Mom taught me how to do the wrap) and we will have some grownup time too.

This has been a shitty week

for my friends. First my friend Lisa and now my friend Liana has lost her baby at about 16 weeks. I spoke with her yesterday and the pain and anguish in her voice... I could feel it in my soul. My heart is breaking for her and her husband. Please go give her some love and support. She hasn't updated her blog yet and I wasn't going to post anything but there are some other bloggers pointing people her way so I figured I'd do the same.

I don't know if she still reads my blog but in case she does

I just got an email over the weekend. My friend, Lisa, lost her baby to SIDS about a week and a half ago. To say that my heart is breaking for her and her family is to put it mildly. I wish I lived closer, that I could be a true friend to her and be there for her and her husband and son. Instead, I will ask my friends here to say a prayer, send good vibes, healing energy, etc. to them.

Grab Your Hazmet Suits....

We've got a toxic ass on our hands! This morning, Dylan slept in a bit. When I finally woke him, he had blown through this diaper. Ok, I figured that it was because he had slept in. We took the train into work (as usual) but Dylan usually falls asleep when we go underground, near the end of our trip. Today, he conked out almost immediately. Still, we went in and I dropped him off at day care. I was in my office for maybe an hour when the phone rang. It was day care, the boy had turned toxic, please come and get my stinky ass son from day care (ok, they didn't say that but whew, they had every right to!). I called Marc because there was no way in hell that I was going to risk a diaper blow out on the train. We finally got home and the first thing we did was get him some pedialite then off for a 2 hour nap. He got up, played a little then another huge nap. In between, I changed some hideous diapers. I finally found the themometer and he had a 100.6 temp (under his arm). He's sleeping now. I just checked on him and I swear, stinky butt and all, he is the most beautiful boy in the whole wide world.